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Step parenting is so hard

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  • 04-06-2013 9:09pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Does anyone else find it really hard. I'm a step mam and lately its really getting me down. Luckily my step daughter and I get on great. She's not too cheeky (even though she is a teen) but this is prob to down to the fact that I rarely tell her what to do and leave it to the hubby. Its just I do so much for her like researching homework on internet, passing on old clothes, looking for a summer job for her etc and sometimes it feels thankless. She lives with us full time and her mam contributes v little (as in barely anything). They have an up and down relationship. Her mam isnt the best. She does the whole treat them mean thing. Often guilts her about asking for anything. Lifts, pocket money etc and won't speak to her for days if they row, leaving stepdaughter v upset. Throughout all the years I've been in her life her mam has never thanked me or passed on regards for anything I do. For example my SD broke her phone recently so I treated her to new one (she been going without for bout 3 weeks). She could receive calls OK but no word from her mam then the minute she gets new phone she rings mother and no thanks from mom now SD can make contact. I suppose what really annoys/upsets me is how the sd treats her dad (my hubby). She constantly defends her mam and takes him for granted even though he has done so so much for her. She can be quiet cheeky and hurtful but I feel he let's it go as he actually feels sorry for her bout how bad said mother treats her. I don't suppose she'll never realise what a cow her mam is cause it is her mam after all. Its just sometimes its really really frustrating been the bigger person, saying nothing, taking the majority of expense yet always feeling 2nd best. Anyone dealing with anything similar?


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    #2
    araic88
    Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭araic88


    I'm not really dealing with anything similar but just want to say that I admire step parents so much as it seems like a particularly tough job.
    I'm not sure about when you say I don't suppose she'll never realise what a cow her mam is cause it is her mam after all I teach kids a lot younger than your SD seems to be and several have a step parent. In subtle ways it's obvious they realise what the stepparent does for them. For example, one child sees her mum fairly regularly and would never have a bad word said about her. On the other hand, she talks a lot more about her step mother & I watched with interest as she made them both a Mothers Day card but put a lot more time and detail into her stepmother's one.
    I think you're doing a good job and you and your SD will be glad in the future she had at least one great mother figure :)


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