looking for some female advice

GTDolanator

hello ladies,Im GT.

My story starts 3 months ago when i met a girl,we clicked like propper clicked.
Everything was going swimingly until she asked me could we just be friends,now i was taken back a bit by this because of how smitten the both of us were,but anyway i didnt speak to her until she rang me 2 weeks later in the middle of the night saying how she was sorry and wanted me to call over,i refused.Stupidly.

So we ended up back talking and she said she just wanted to see how things panned out,so im very confused at this point.We have been going for drinks the last while and she insists on coming home with me but nothing happens bar the odd drunken smooch,i actually asked her not to stay in my bed cause i liked her and it was just annoying me.....

Anyway i ended up telling her that i was absolutley mad into her(didnt say i loved her cause i dont)but i am bet into her,she said she was very thrown away by this news and that she wasnt expecting it and she wil have to think bout it etc......i havent heard from her since saturday morning when this happened.TBH im not even sure what question im actually trying to have solved but i think i need some advice from people outside of the equation.My mates are rubbish at this kinda thing,and i dont have any close females friends to ask either....

Not even sure if this is in the right forum,so MOD's move away if needs be


Thanks

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to RI.

ash23

Hard to tell. But I think she just likes the attention. She seems (correct me if I'm wrong) to only want you in any romantic context when she is drunk. When you've been out for drinks she wants to come home and stay in your bed and have you cuddle her. But she doesn't want anything more than that.

She acted "surprised" when you said you liked her. Unless she is blind, deaf and dumb she knows you like her. She counts on it.
I can assure you that if she met someone she fancied and was into, she'd have no hesitation about snogging the face off him.

I'm sorry to say but you're being used for an ego boost, companionship and for her to feel better about herself
I'd say she does like you very much as a friend. But I don't think she fancies you. If someone only wants you when they're drunk it's a bad sign.

desbrook

Male advice may be more useful as most older guys have encountered girls like this at least once. From an older guy - avoid - head wrecker alert!

GTDolanator

ash23 wrote: »

Hard to tell. But I think she just likes the attention. She seems (correct me if I'm wrong) to only want you in any romantic context when she is drunk. When you've been out for drinks she wants to come home and stay in your bed and have you cuddle her. But she doesn't want anything more than that.

She acted "surprised" when you said you liked her. Unless she is blind, deaf and dumb she knows you like her. She counts on it.
I can assure you that if she met someone she fancied and was into, she'd have no hesitation about snogging the face off him.

I'm sorry to say but you're being used for an ego boost, companionship and for her to feel better about herself
I'd say she does like you very much as a friend. But I don't think she fancies you. If someone only wants you when they're drunk it's a bad sign.

Ash many thanks for the reply,it really is hard to tell,she was tellin my friends that she fancied me the first time she met them which was recent enough,and all i get from everybody else is whats the story with yous two....???
She knows where i stand on the situation but yet hasnt given me any answear,what is she thinking about then???

_dublinlad_

Its not important what shes thinking.

Its clear she doesn't see you in a romantic light as you do her. Taking this fact into account you need to ask yourself how best to proceed with this girl on a purely selfish basis. Remember you owe this girl nothing at this stage.

Can you be just friends with this girl? If the answer to this is no then you need to shut her out of your life (for now anyway) and move on. If you can, fine, get on with it.

But you need to stop obsessing on what shes thinking and figure out which road you want to take with her. Stick with it and get on with your life.

LegacyUser

As a woman, I'd say she does fancy you enough for the odd drunken snog. She plainly doesn't find you repugnant or anything.

But she's still not all that into you. If she was, she'd be all over you like a rash.

I think she's halfhearted about you, romantically. She's known all along you were into her. She acted suprised so you wouldn't get offended that she knew all along but didn't pursue it more.

But of course she knew. She wouldn't have said early on "lets just be friends" otherwise. You don't say that to someone who clearly just wants to be a friend! And you asked her not to sleep in your bed - yep, she knew.

You were a friend with benefits. Except she probably recognised that sleeping with you would be a BAD idea. So she kept it to snogs. Probably for the best, tbh.

But then you said it out loud and she's run for the hills. You can't have a FWB situation if one person is mad about the other.

Tbh, I'd say you will hear from her again. Probably some stupid inconsequential text that'll spin your head all over the place. She'll have decided that the whole FWB thing did NOT work out, so she'll be testing the waters for a platonic friendship.

But tread carefully. You'll still be into her. She'll want to hang out "as friends". This will wreck your head - and your heart. Sooner or later you'll be out some night as friends and she'll get drunk and snog you. But it won't mean anything to her - just drink. But you'll be back to square one, wondering what the hell is going on.

She's just not that into you. Sorry. You have to decide whether a 3 month friendship is worth all this messiness. There'll be other girls, who are more into you than her.

GTDolanator

Girlinaaa wrote: »

As a woman, I'd say she does fancy you enough for the odd drunken snog. She plainly doesn't find you repugnant or anything.

But she's still not all that into you. If she was, she'd be all over you like a rash.

I think she's halfhearted about you, romantically. She's known all along you were into her. She acted suprised so you wouldn't get offended that she knew all along but didn't pursue it more.

But of course she knew. She wouldn't have said early on "lets just be friends" otherwise. You don't say that to someone who clearly just wants to be a friend! And you asked her not to sleep in your bed - yep, she knew.

You were a friend with benefits. Except she probably recognised that sleeping with you would be a BAD idea. So she kept it to snogs. Probably for the best, tbh.

But then you said it out loud and she's run for the hills. You can't have a FWB situation if one person is mad about the other.

Tbh, I'd say you will hear from her again. Probably some stupid inconsequential text that'll spin your head all over the place. She'll have decided that the whole FWB thing did NOT work out, so she'll be testing the waters for a platonic friendship.

But tread carefully. You'll still be into her. She'll want to hang out "as friends". This will wreck your head - and your heart. Sooner or later you'll be out some night as friends and she'll get drunk and snog you. But it won't mean anything to her - just drink. But you'll be back to square one, wondering what the hell is going on.

She's just not that into you. Sorry. You have to decide whether a 3 month friendship is worth all this messiness. There'll be other girls, who are more into you than her.

Thank you for your reply,i didnt look at it like that and tbh you are more than likely correct.I no what i have to do now

The Corinthian

ash23 wrote: »

I'd say she does like you very much as a friend. But I don't think she fancies you. If someone only wants you when they're drunk it's a bad sign.

I'd agree that it's a bad sign, but would not necessarily conclude that she doesn't fancy him on the basis that she wants him only when they're drunk.

It's not all that unusual in countries like Ireland, especially with younger (and I suspect they both are, judging by some of the language used by the OP) women, for there to be serious psychological blocks where it comes to sexual intimacy. The reasons vary; they can include past abuse, religious upbringing, a dread fear of the potential consequences of sex or numerous other possibilities.

Alcohol has long served as an 'excuse' to have sex in Ireland - one is drunk, not fully responsible for their actions, after all - and so it may also be down to this. For bonus points you can claim not to remember anything the next day.

However, it's still a bad sign regardless of what has engendered it. Even if she does fancy the OP and uses alcohol to overcome her psychological block against sex, that still means that the OP would have to deal with this potentially for years, if not forever.

Honestly, OP; I'd move on if I were you and put this down to experience.

desbrook

The Corinthian wrote: »

I'd agree that it's a bad sign, but would not necessarily conclude that she doesn't fancy him on the basis that she wants him only when they're drunk.

It's not all that unusual in countries like Ireland, especially with younger (and I suspect they both are, judging by some of the language used by the OP) women, for there to be serious psychological blocks where it comes to sexual intimacy. The reasons vary; they can include past abuse, religious upbringing, a dread fear of the potential consequences of sex or numerous other possibilities.

Alcohol has long served as an 'excuse' to have sex in Ireland - one is drunk, not fully responsible for their actions, after all - and so it may also be down to this. For bonus points you can claim not to remember anything the next day.

However, it's still a bad sign regardless of what has engendered it. Even if she does fancy the OP and uses alcohol to overcome her psychological block against sex, that still means that the OP would have to deal with this potentially for years, if not forever.

Honestly, OP; I'd move on if I were you and put this down to experience.

In this case drink was not used as an excuse to have sex. This girl actually can diffrenciate between simple sex and intimacy. She craves intimacy with someone and the OP is handy BUT she isn't stupid enough to have sex just for the sake of it. Just because you want intimacy doesn't mean you want sex and wanting one without the other doesn't make you repressed ..... or Irish! !
I still stand by the fact that she's a headwrecker - for the OP. In fairness to her now that she knows he is "mad into her " she is keeping her distance. So should the OP!

The Corinthian

desbrook wrote: »

In this case drink was not used as an excuse to have sex. This girl actually can diffrenciate between simple sex and intimacy. She craves intimacy with someone and the OP is handy BUT she isn't stupid enough to have sex just for the sake of it. Just because you want intimacy doesn't mean you want sex and wanting one without the other doesn't make you repressed ..... or Irish! !

Perhaps I didn't explain myself well enough; no she didn't want to have sex, but in some extreme cases you'll find that the person in question will need drink on them just to have a snog, let alone sex.

Also, I didn't say this was the case - I only said this is a possibility. I also went on to point out that even if it were, she's bad news for the OP regardless. She's bad news for the OP, regardless.

As for Irish, I'll be honest; I've seen that type of psychology in a few Irish, of both genders, but I've never seen it in any other nationality.

I still stand by the fact that she's a headwrecker - for the OP.

Regardless of what lies behind her actions, I think we all agree that she's a headwrecker for the OP.

Given this, I've just realized the OP was looking for female advice, so as I'm possession of a Y-chromosome, it's best I keep out of this discussion any further.