My ex keeps texting me after finishing it. Any advice is appreciated

LegacyUser

I was recently dumped by the love of my life and this isn't the first time he has done this to me!

When I first met this guy I wasn't really interested but after his persistence and getting to know him better I fell deeply in love. He treated me so well at first.

I thought he was the one, we talked about marriage and everything felt so perfect.

He was the one who asked me to move in with him although it might have been too soon, I went ahead as it felt right at the time.

Everything was great at first then I realised when I was living with him that he had a serious issue with smoking weed: couldn't function without it, had mood swings, become aggressive at times, lazy and promised to quit etc etc (although that is a separate issue).

Due to this we argued from time to time. I wanted him to quit obviously as it wasn't helping our relationship, but generally we were happy and I wanted him to quit in his own time as not to pressure him.

He went away on holiday to a family wedding. I stayed at home as I couldn't take the time off of work. Whilst away he checked my facebook and seen messages between me and a guy that is honestly just my friend. He sent me abusive texts from holiday and threatened to brake up.

I managed to make him understand in the end that this guy is just a mate and we stayed together.

During the relationship things went from so good to so bad due to his moods. He didn't want to go anywhere with me...he just liked sitting at home smoking weed. When I asked him about it he said I was nagging etc and made me feel needy, even though doing things with a partner is healthy.

When i went out with my friends he commented on how they are scum and he/he didnt want me associating with them, yet he never took me out with his friends or on our own really, unless I instigated it.

To cut a very long story short he broke up with me twice completely randomly after being in a bad mood. Although I never saw it coming and he was so loving and committed otherwise. It's like it came out of nowhere. One minute he was saying we should buy a house, and talking about what we would call our kids, the next he was saying "I don't think this is working" and "I can't see a future with you" so so painful.

Twice I moved out and back to my parents, but the minute I was gone he was onto me again. Saying he regretted what he did and he is just depressed etc, he said he needed help it might be the weed and promised to quit. Said I am the one and all he wants is to be with me and make it up to me.

I know it's stupid but I got back with him both times. I loved him and was willing to give him a chance to change. The last time I got back with him I was unsure. We talked for ages. I gave him every opportunity to let me know if he is unsure or needs more time on his own.

He promised me he would never hurt me again and said he was 100%sure on me/us

Everything was great again. But the other day, after 5 months since the last split and also (
after a night of him smoking heavily he woke in a terrible mood.

From the get go it was all negative: "I'm bored" etc etc everything I said to try and help (lets go do something) was met with negativity.

After a while he decided to go to the cinema but he was still so angry for a reason I dont know.

Then half way down the road he turns the car around and says he is dropping me home. At this point I am obviously hurt and keep asking what is wrong.

He eventually said he doesn't want to be with me AGAIN! That when he is away he misses me so much but when he sees me he is unhappy. This broke me completely because as far as I could tell we were fine.

This was also the third time!! So he drove off and I have been feeling so confused.

He kept messaging me since the split...asking how I am. He said he is sorry for hurting me. I have ignored all of his texts but he keeps pleading with me to reply/making a move on a app we used to play??

He recently said he has been an asshole to me and wish he did things differently (not sure what his means)

As I haven't responded at all he sent me a final (i think) text to say he will leave me alone now but will never forget me.

What is he trying to do? Although I love him I know I cant give him another chance as this is taking the mick. But at the same time I feel I need to know why he has done this so much. It's hard not to reply but I dont know what to say. Does he not realise how crazy he has been?!

Everything was perfect at first and it's like after a while he finds an excuse to go, then regrets it.

It might also be worth mentioning that he never seems happy with anything. During the relationship he would spend money on silly things although he always complained about not having money.

He always wants the "best" of everything and is willing to get cars on finance etc etc to feed his need.

Should I reply to his texts or say nothing at all? I am still so hurt but I know I need to do the best for me this time.

Any thoughts on his behavior would also help

Neyite

You'll look back in a year or so and realise you dodged a bullet here.

Block his number / Facebook and go no contact. Don't even bother to give him a big explanation. If he cant grasp it then he is an idiot.

He had two chances that he threw away. Don't give him a third - he doesn't want to change to make a relationship work. He wants someone who will put up with his crap. Don't let that be you.

homerjay2005

i get the feeling that the weed is only part of the problem, he is using this as a excuse but in reality there is something else at play.

if this was me, id move on with my life to be honest, you cant be dealing with that sorta drama. cut contact and look to start a new relationship when you are ready.

Merkin

heartbroken13 wrote: »

I was recently dumped by the love of my life

He actually isn't the love of your life at all. When you're in a loving relationship, someone who cares and loves you wouldn't treat you like this. You'll only see this with time and see how toxic the whole mess was. I'm with Neyite on this, sever all ties and start getting on with life, he doesn't deserve another chance.

Lorna123

I think that the weed is altering his moods and when he comes down he feels fed up and depressed and he can't deal with this himself so he tries to make you feel miserable too by lashing out at you, a sort of bully boy tactic. I don't think you deserve that treatment and I wouldn't stand for it if I were you. He needs to grow up and get help and I would not go near him until he gets help. Do not respond to his texts at all as he needs time to cop himself on. The minute you respond he will feel he has you and can carry on the same way. I would not give him that impression if I were you. Give him a few months space to sort himself out before even considering responding to him.

kjl

I do think he loves you, but as a previous poster mentioned the weed is causing paranoia and mood swings.

I would give him the silent treatment, then after about a week contact him saying it's you or the weed.

I smoked weed myself for a few years and it's not that hard to quit but it does sap your motivation. All I used to do was watch TV and play videogames but since quitting I am back to my normal self. Plus everyone stops smoking in the end.

Starokan

What he is doing is being a selfish idiot. He has finished with you twice and lured you back each time leaving you devastated.

He is not happy unless he has some form of hook in you in that you are always at the end of the line or phone. It boosts his ego when you answer, everyone likes to be wanted and that is the kick he gets when you text back.

He may not even be aware why he is constantly texting you etc, people can behave this way unconsciously simply because its part of his personality. You need to look after yourself and the best way to do that is to cut contact with him completely , as said by a previous poster block him from every form of social media etc.

Then occupy your day as much as you can, the more you fill it even with mundane tasks the less you will think of him

Zen65

heartbroken13 wrote: »

I know it's stupid but I got back with him both times. I loved him and was willing to give him a chance to change.

If you really know how foolish it was to have got back with him then you'll not respond to him, and you'll move on with your life. This man has nothing for you. You do not need to know why he did what he did; it is sufficient that you ensure that he cannot do it again. It's great that you seem to have moved to a position where you are starting to treat yourself with the respect you deserve, so don't mess up now by opening up this chapter of your life. Be rid of him.


Be at peace,

Z

Zen65

kjl wrote: »

I would give him the silent treatment, then after about a week contact him saying it's you or the weed.

. . . . . . .

Plus everyone stops smoking in the end.

No, they do not.

(Unless of course you mean they stop when they're dead?)

Why would Op wait for that experiment to play out? This man was given more than one chance before, and he failed. Giving him an ultimatum serves no purpose, he has not been able to break the habit. Getting back together a third or fourth time (I lost count) would allow this man to justify his actions ("she knew what I was like when she agreed to come back to me") and the relationship would just get more damaged and more damaging. It's time to move on with your own life.

Z

miamee

OP he never explained himself properly the first two times as far as I can tell so I don't think making contact is going to produce any answers this time either. You are doing the right thing by having no contact and you should stick to no contact from now on and don't give him the chance to talk you into giving him another chance. Otherwise you could waste an awful lot of time going round in circles with this man.

Czarcasm

OP the guys a head melt, full stop. As Neyite said- you dodged a bullet. Now it's best for you that you get on with your life and not stray into the firing line again so this guy can drag you down again. Let him go, at least then he's only ruining his own life.