I feel my brother needs to go to a boarding school/bootcamp. Any recommendations?

showsaf

So this is the story, my brother is 15 years old, he doesn't go to school because he feels too socially awkward, he has zero work ethics or discipline, just lies in bed most of the day playing on his iphone, my parents have been seeking help for him the past few years though in my opinion, most of it has been pushing him in the wrong direction as I feel it is lack of discipline that is holding him back. I understand how all this may seem tolerable (at the very most), though this is the situation:

He has frequent outbursts, and a tendency to lose his temper with other members of my family, he has the capability to cause serious harm, as he has thrown knives at my mother and frequently makes criminal threats, it has gotten as bad sometimes that my parents have called the guards up, they have left him with warnings, though by the time he hits 18 they will take him for good most likely.

My parents, seem to prefer to let him be, as he is less likely to become stressed and angry if he is given everything he wants, which I strongly disagree with, though I'm not in the mood for criticizing my parents methods, as it is him that needs sorting out.

I believe he does have some potential, and I feel like I'm the only one who sees it, he's my only brother and I don't want him to end up in a mental hospital (which has been suggested by psychiatrists). Everyone I talk to about him about, just recommends I move on, let him be and work more on focusing on my own life, they're probably right, but here is what I think would be the best option to sort him out and get him off my conscience-

He has expressed interest in joining the army, he told me he does want to change, and become disciplined and he has gotten reasonably fitter the last year by running on the treadmill most mornings. I know the military simply doesn't just wave a magic wand and then poof you're acceptable in society but if he wants to do it then I say why not. Though he is not old enough to apply yet unfortunately.

So any suggestions as to any (affordable) boarding school or teenage bootcamp, you have heard/feel is well capable of disciplining teenage boys in Ireland?

TLDR My brother is socially awkward, lazy and does not attend school due to lack of discipline, though is also considered dangerous with frequent threats and physcial harm to my family, he has expressed interest in changing, however. Any ideas?

Also: he has been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, though truthfully I believe that a life of laying at home all day not socializing and being undisciplined would only lead psychiatrists to diagnose him with that, but he has no other traits associated with the condition, I believe you can always improve on who you are and not live the rest of your life with a label.

Doctor14

showsaf wrote: »

So any suggestions as to any (affordable) boarding school or teenage bootcamp, you have heard/feel is well capable of disciplining teenage boys in Ireland?

Forget about boarding school - the problems you listed here are far beyond that. The Army will not do anything - he probably won't make it in and discipline in the Army only works if he wants to stay in. Don't know about any teenage bootcamps but the following might help.

http://www.foroige.ie/our-work/big-brother-big-sister

And I reckon this should be in a different forum (ie. Not the Military Forum).

Local-womanizer

If the gardai have been involved with regards the threats, plus the fact he has been diagnosed with Aspergers, he won't get into the Army.

Tbh, the army wouldn't be good for him. It's mentally very challenging, with a lot if pressure being put on the recruit, it sounds like he wouldn't react well to this pressure.

You should probably look for help elsewhere tbh, try talking with other families dealing with similar, or get second opinions from other professionals.

Hope you get it sorted op!

mad turnip

I know the age of hitting people is over but it sounds like he needed a smack a long time ago and just never got it, I know the problem is a lot more than that but it might have helped just a little.

c-90

Obviously he can't be coaxed through life so forcing change on him will not work, Because he'll constantly relapse.

Show him his options, life bouncing from mental institution to prison and back. Or something better, maybe he could use the army as a goal.

If he's as bad as you say a week or two in a psychiatric ward could set him straight.

I had a brother in a very similar situation.

BigDuffman

Apologies if this sounds harsh but with the way the modern army has developed..he wouldn't get in to the army with all of these traits and issues. As its very competitive these days. Maybe focus towards a military style bootcamp so that he can focus on fitness which will give some motivation at least.

Jawgap

Does he play or is he interested in any sports, especially any team sports?

Solair

That sounds a *lot* more serious than 'lack of discipline'.

Honestly, I think you need to get him to seek professional help.

The best bet might be to start with a clinical psychologist and see if some combination of cognitive and behavioural therapies might help.
After that, you'd be moving into the realms of psychiatry and a psychologist will know when they need to refer on.

Some combination of the two might sort it out. The two professions are best used in combination.

You can't really have someone making threats of physical violence or, by the sounds of it (throwing knives) actually inflicting physical violence.

If you put someone like that into an army situation, there's nothing to say they wouldn't just act out violently there too and put even more people at risk.

The best approach is definitely via psychological services and then see what can be done.

I don't think there's any point in non-professionals attempting to come up with solutions on a forum though. It sounds like a combination of lots of things could be going on there.

ex_infantry

the defence forces defo aint a place for him if he has temper tantrums whats to say he won't have one on a firing range and shoot one of his colleagues over something someone might say to him, there has been a case of murder in the naval service http://www.rte.ie/news/2003/0627/39774-lundon/

John_D80

mad turnip wrote: »

I know the age of hitting people is over but it sounds like he needed a smack a long time ago and just never got it, I know the problem is a lot more than that but it might have helped just a little.

There's a reason that people dont do this as much anymore. Physical chastisement as a child would not prevent any of this young mans problems. The root causes may be in his younger years but the lack of 'smacks' is not one of them.

To the OP, fair play for sticking by your brother when everyone else is encouraging you to let it go and even your parents are just letting him fester. I'm not in any way, shape or form a professional but for what its worth, it came across to me, from your post that he seems to open up to you to a degree, sharing his hopes for the future etc. Build on that and try to get him to open up even more, gradually.

Also find an activity that he is interested in and pursue it with him. Preferably something outdoors. You wouldn't believe what good a bit of fresh air can do for someone. There are military style fitness bootcamps being run in parks all over the country. Ye could try airsoft also if ye fancy a military type thing. The possibilities are endless. Doing it together will strengthen yere bond and also he may be apprehensive about meeting people and making new friends.

While I'm not an advocate of physical punishment I am of the old school opinion that getting out and about is great for the soul and the mind. Some people just need a little push. Good Luck

RMD

showsaf wrote: »

Also: he has been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, though truthfully I believe that a life of laying at home all day not socializing and being undisciplined would only lead psychiatrists to diagnose him with that, but he has no other traits associated with the condition, I believe you can always improve on who you are and not live the rest of your life with a label.

I take it then you have more medical knowledge than a qualified doctor who has spent years in training? The army aren't in a position to help, your brother has a mental handicap. Honestly you sound very inconsiderate of the situation as a whole.