What to do?

LegacyUser

i got friends with a man in january, he is 10 years older than me. altho its not that important i guess (im in my 30ies) we got on well as friends. he asked me out back then, but i was with someone else, so i didnt think about it.
he just started to date a lady which was fine as he didnt interest me at all.
my "relationship" didnt work out, i finished it.
now few months have gone by, he isnt really in good terms with that other lady, flirts with me, text me all the time and says he likes me a lot and i have changed his mind etc. he is not too confident, thinks i would leave him for younger later, that he gets too boring for me. well now i like him too and i have told him that. but i want a single man and he knows it. he isnt sure what he wants. anyway we have met, no dates or anything. as friends. last time we went out for dinner /(he paid for it) finally he kissed me.

now i told him he is giving me mixed signals and i want to cut contact so it will cool down after few weeks. he asked me to think over the weekend and not to cut contact, so after a weekend we can talk and see do we feel the same and so on. i dont know what he feels, he says he really really likes me. i said its fine with me. after that we havent had no contact. it happened yesterday. usually we have a chat every evening.

so should i keep my mouth shut for a weekend? what should i do when the weekend is over?

judgefudge

You say you haven't gone on any dates. But you went for dinner, he paid, and you kissed at the end. That's a date!

If he's still involved with someone else stay away from him. Give him an ultimatum that he leaves her if he wants you. If he can't do that, cut contact.

Idle Passerby

He knows you want a single man, he hasn't mentioned any intention to split up with the woman he's with so he's basically offering you the role of bit on the side. You're clearly not happy with that so the only thing you can do is forget about him.

LegacyUser

So he is just dragging me along? Dont understand why he didnt want to cut contact ... Hes completely quiet now anyway.

Meauldsegosha

Cant understand wrote: »

So he is just dragging me along? Dont understand why he didnt want to cut contact ... Hes completely quiet now anyway.

Because he loves the thrill of the chase. It's not clear from your OP, he is still with his girlfriend? If he is, I would stay away from him.

Stavro Mueller

Cant understand wrote: »

So he is just dragging me along? Don't understand why he didn't want to cut contact ... He's completely quiet now anyway.

I can't help but think you're making excuses for him. He's conscious of his age, he's not confident etc. etc. If he has the courage to text you, flirt with you, kiss you etc. then asking you out properly shouldn't be any big deal to him. That he's still with his girlfriend and has been doing all this with you on the side is a warning sign. My take on this is that he's using you as some sort of extra-curricular entertainment.

LegacyUser

hey,

now a week has gone by. he texted me after few days tho and asked us to meet and talk about things.
we met the other night and talked. he said he doesnt know how to tell her that and that she has got some bad medical problems now and he doesnt have the guts. i told him fine thats ok, happens. also i told him that someone asked me out (which is true) and now i feel free to go. i know sounds like making jelous. he got jelous. he toke my hand after it as we walked and finally he kissed me too. for very long time. i told him he has to do something as i wont take it any more. he told he will talk with her at the weekend as he has one day free (he is working a lot)
now on friday he told me he is working all days, that he needs money etc. we havent talked about that "girlfriend" who lives far away and who he hasnt seen for a month now. anyway since friday night his texting isnt really there. usually he text me or rings during workdays too, but now its just few. i asked him how that can be like this, he says that the boss is there and he has no time to reply too.
i think that gf just came over and he doesnt want to tell me that for some reason. so we wont have any friendship now any more too as i think he lies. he could have told me the truth!

finally i got myself out of there and will take that offer to go on a date with that other guy who seems to be lovely (and free too).

CaraMay

He wants you to be his mistress otherwise he would dump his gf. do you want that?

LegacyUser

no i dont want to be a mistress, no way. would never ever happen.

i just found out through common friends he was really working at the weekend. so that other lady hasnt seen her at all after we met first time. other lady is then that "girlfriend".
now he told me he will finish with her this sunday, that he is really sure about that.
he does plan future with me aswell talking about things etc.

so thats the last weekend now really, im so sick of it. if they dont meet to talk for some reason again, i just let it go. he could have done on the phone long time ago already.