Losing a friend because of your gender?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm sorry to the mods if this is the wrong place and not appropiate.Just wondering has this happened to any fellow boardsies.Long story short I'm a guy in my mid 20's I was friends with a gal for about a year and in the last couple of weeks I knew her she started seeing a guy,I was happy she finally found someone.However even though I had only met her a few times and done most of my correspondance through email as we live at opposite sides of the country her new boyfriend wasn't happy with that and told her to no longer have any correspondance with me.She said her new boyfriend didn't like her having male friends that he hadn't met and to be honest I didn't feel comfortable travelling an 8 hour round trip to get approval from her boyfriend whom I never met before.I was thoroughly devastated if truth be told when she told me and found it hard to accept the decision as it wasn't from her but from her boyfriend however nothing changed she abided by her boyfriend's wishes and we haven't spoken since.

The first reaction when I told my mates of what happened was that I fancied her but in truth she was just a really good friend to me that I could talk to about anything or that I did something else wrong she met the guy for a week and then this came out so I don't think I did something wrong.Just wondering has any other boardsies found themselves in a similar situation or have found yourself in a situation where you asked your other half not to be in contact with a friend.I have a girlfriend who has a few guy friends I would never dream of giving her an ultimatum them or me without a very good reason.It would make me come across as insanely jealous and more importantly would show I have no trust in her whatsoever.

awec

Hey OP, I think your thread is more suited to personal issues, I've moved it there for you.

bedrock#1

He's on a slippery slope. Won't last.

maria34

He wont last. Control freak. Demanding it after a week? Seriously nutty ...

LegacyUser

You're not to blame! Don't even dare think that. She is a bad friend. He is a control freak and there is obviously no trust in there relationship. Has happened to me, ended up losing a friendship because other half was living in fantasy land and thought there was something going on when I met her boyfriend for coffee. They deserve each other and you deserve a better friend.

bluemagpie

Yes, it has happened to me when around the same age as you. A best friend got himself a new girlfriend and just stop contacting me, and his other friends. Hard to take but sadly for him it ended a couple of years later and then when he came back I think he was surprised to find that we were no longer there for him.
But I agree with the other posters, it's rather pathetic, and worse that she's putting up with it IMHO...

miamee

It's a bad reflection on her OP that she would drop a friend at the say so of a new boyfriend who might be gone from her life as quickly as he arrived tbh. It's hard to take - I have been in a similar position with a best friend and it really does hurt to be dropped in favour of someone else until the someone else buggers off or turns out to be not so great after all. If you were truly good friends, don't hold it against her and see if she comes back after a while or after they have broken up. I wouldn't be doing any of the chasing though.

yerwanthere123

She's a bad friend, simple as that, and she hasn't shown any regard for your friendship. I'd forget about her and focus your energy on better friends

50SofG

i don't agree she is a bad friend, confused maybe, young yes. and he has put her in a bad situation, his insecurities are the problem.. and he is try to claim his terriory (animal kingdom).
there is a line out of harry met sally "men and women can't be friends"
it's not true...
be stronge and contact her again. give her the benifit and meet both of them half way 4 hours each,
resect her and the position she is in and i don't think he is much different than other partners. so put yourself in his shoes and take down his fear of loosing her to you, she probably is talking about you and he is scared,
saying that if you think she is the one and you are also afraid to admit it because you think it won't work let her know and fight for her.......you and she are worth it.

50SofG

i don't agree she is a bad friend, confused maybe, young yes. and he has put her in a bad situation, his insecurities are the problem.. and he is try to claim his terriory (animal kingdom).
there is a line out of harry met sally "men and women can't be friends"
it's not true...
be stronge and contact her again. give her the benifit and meet both of them half way 4 hours each,
resect her and the position she is in and i don't think he is much different than other partners. so put yourself in his shoes and take down his fear of loosing her to you, she probably is talking about you and he is scared,
saying that if you think she is the one and you are also afraid to admit it because you think it won't work let her know and fight for her.......you and she are worth it.