Confused about sexuality...

LegacyUser

Hi there. Going to make this short and simple, not sure what I hope to achieve, but I feel like I want to get this off my chest, and ultimately, make some sort of peace with it, I'm sure that makes sense to a lot of people. Basically, I'm a straight guy - I say that not because I believe in labels, but because 99% of the time, I'm only attracted to women. I love women, couldn't imagine myself with anyone other than the girl I'm currently seeing. However, since the age of about 15, every now and again, I get this unbelievable urge to be with a guy. The funny thing is, I'm not even remotely attracted to guys - that's not denial as people have tried to tell me in the past, but genuinely, I'm simply just not attracted to guys and never have been, yet for some reason I really enjoy intimate oral sex acts with guys?! If I was being honest, the whole transexual aspect, women with penises, works for me - not just as a throwaway fetish, but genuinely, I could be 100% happy with a women with a penis as a girlfriend. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, don't mean to cause offense. I've acted on this in in the past several times and enjoyed every experience. I think if I was attracted to guys and could label myself as bisexual, I'd be happy enough, but this....I can't explain it, it just really troubles me, I feel so....kinda disgusted by myself, if that makes sense? Love intimate oral sex acts with guys, yet feel zero attraction towards men - what is this? How do I define it? The girl I'm with is wonderful and I'd never act on this while with her, yet still, it lingers in my mind like a horrible cloud....

1ZRed

You don't need to define it dude. You like the odd session of messing around with a lad. No harm and it's not serious. If you're straight, you're straight. You just like messing around with a dick the odd time, can't see the harm or need for a label myself. I wouldn't even call you bicurious because it sounds fairly reasonable.

I'd stop tearing yourself up. You're happy with the girl you're with and aren't going to act on your urges, I think that's the best thing to do by her. That's the sacrifice of being with someone and you can't always scratch the itch you want to.

There's nothing odd about your attractions and there are many, many guys exactly in your situation that do play around on the sly. So many that I don't even see it as a big deal and can see that maybe they're not all bisexual, they're just having a laugh.

You're not doing anything disgusting -as I said, there's a heap of lads similar to you. Instead of wasting time trying to find your label just realise you're a predominantly straight guy that likes to play around harmlessly a bit. There's nothing more to it and nothing so serious that you'd have to start seeing yourself as bisexual. Far from it by what you've said.
Just realise it's not a big deal at all, it's far more common than any man would like to admit and make some peace with that.

You're straight and like your odd bouts of fun, similar to how I'm gay and have messed with girls the odd time harmlessly for a laugh.

playedalive

Dude, sexuality can be confusing. You're better off accepting your attractions without attempting to drive yourself crazy looking for a particular label.

LegacyUser

Listen man, I could have written exactly the same description of myself (except I recently broke up with my girlfriend )

Maybe the difference is that I haven't particularly enjoyed any experience I have had, but now that I'm single, I guess I could never rule it out. I can't ever seeing myself wanting anything more than a purely sexual experience with another guy. I hope I amn't causing offence here, just saying plainly how I feel.

OP, I reckon there are many more lads out there the same. Some may never act on urges, some do it on the q.t. The way society is, one would find a lot of things much more difficult, if one was open about this. I mean in terms of relationships, socially, possibly even careers. Unfairly of course, but I think if someone was to be open about this, they would be viewed as being overly promiscuous at best, a bit f***ed at worst. (Not my opinions, I must add).

For me, the urges I have constitute less than 10% of any I have and will happily live out my days if I never have another experience with a man. It is such a small part of me, that I am quite happy keeping it to myself and not putting up with any of the above mentioned bulls***.

LegacyUser

I'm in a similar boat to the OP. I am attracted only to pre op transexuals these days, I'm not sure if it is just a phase or a fetish but it is weighing heavily on me.
I have acted on my desires by meeting two escorts, something I'd never have thought I would do. I'd love to be able to start a relationship with a TS but the chances are extremely slim unless I was willing to move to another country.

Just wanted to get this off my chest.

fizzlefozzle

Sexual experiences are diverse and can vary over time. Freud suggests that we are all innately bisexual.

If you want more information, why not explore psychological articles on sexuality.

There is a lot of ignorance out there and labels.

When you read psychological articles, which are founded on statistics and facts, you get more information about the experience of the average human being, than your preconceptions about it.

That is what I am going through at the moment. I have these concepts I grew up with about gay / straight / bisexual, but in fact those concepts are getting questioned.

Basically, explore your own emotions and feelings and trust them. Allow them to guide your understanding of yourself.

If there is something you fear, then go see a doctor, a psychotherapist, or someone that is qualified to guide you in such things.

It is important to research and explore for yourself.

Dingle_berry

I think most people believe that sexuality is a definite category. A pigeon hole or shelf that you put yourself on and stay on. Strict, ridged boundaries between them and a clear definition of each. I think that's not true. Very few things in biology are ever that simple.

My personal interpretation of sexuality is that its like taste - in food, music, fashion, etc. each individual is unique and has a unique sexuality. Straight/bi/gay/other are just markers along the spectrum to make it easier to describe your personal taste. It's up to the individual to decide what tastes to indulge in.

playedalive

Dingle_berry wrote: »

I
My personal interpretation of sexuality is that its like taste - in food, music, fashion, etc. each individual is unique and has a unique sexuality. Straight/bi/gay/other are just markers along the spectrum to make it easier to describe your personal taste. It's up to the individual to decide what tastes to indulge in.

This. Coudn't have put it better myself.