Family and wedding issue

LegacyUser

Having some familiy issues that need to be sorted. The main issue is my nephew who is getting married in a few months has caused a rift between my brother and sister (his mother) over money that was borrowed and wasn't paid back by nephew. He got into debt a few years back and my brother (his uncle) was in position to help him out on the condition that he was paid back - that happened for a while and then my nephew stopped paying (in total it was a few thousand that he still owed). He stopped taking calls and avoided my brother as much as he could. At the end of his tether my brother told my sister that he wanted his money back end of (according to my sister they were nightly calls for over a week),. My sister got a loan to pay my brother back and her son was to pay her - as far as I know he has paid some but not all of it.

My nephew didn't want to invite my brother to the wedding but my sister told him that was not happening as he was her brother even though they no longer speaking he is invited to the wedding, although I doubt he will go. Anytime their respective families are together they ignore each other (literally as if they didn't exist - it's quite something really) and it's pretty uncomfortable.

Me and (a different) sister want to intervene somehow as the thoughts of this wedding is becoming a nightmare. I don't particularly want to go with this hanging over everything and yet if my brother doesn't go it will escalate further and cause years of bitterness.

In short, and in my view, my nephew is an entitled selfish s**t who has never grown up (he's 29) and takes no responsibility over his actions that have caused all this trouble - it's not like he's the blue-eyed son or anything but his mother blames my brother and not her son for this.

What to do ?


[Mod Edit: I have edited your title OP, as there is already a thread from another poster titled "Family Issues"]

desbrook

My gut instinct is that you won't resolve anything. Sorry. By your own admission you aren't neutral - you think the son is a waster. From what you say both sides fully believe they are right . Your "interference " may very well be seen as just that. There's a really possibility that both sides will fall out with you in addition to each other .
I know you have a worry that a no show by your brother will cause bitterness but if he does show and there's a row it'll be way worse! Tell both parties you arent taking sides if it makes you feel better but please note only do this if that's what you feel and you can keep your poor opinion of the groom to yourself.

Jaxxy

Your nephew might be a selfish, immature little so and so, but it's his wedding and he gets to decide who attends it. Not his mother or his aunts.

Edited to add: If you want to maintain a relationship with both your brother and your sister I'd keep well out of it if I were you.

Stavro Mueller

I couldn't agree more with what the others have said. I'd also advise your other sister to stay out of this too. Let the nephew invite/not invite whoever he wants. Has anyone asked your brother's opinion on this? Maybe he would feel relieved if he didn't get an invite in the first place?

It's not for nothing that old sayings about not loaning money to family go back hundreds of years...

username123

Stay out of it. The more people who get involved and make noise, the more the virus spreads. This is between a woman and her son now. Your brother is entitled not to go (tbh Im not sure why you would bother going with such a low opinion of the groom).

December2012

Do nothing.

You will not solve it so don't make it worse. Honestly, what could you do to resolve it.

Sometimes the best way to sort things out is to ignore them.