Low confidence is ruining my life

LegacyUser

I'm 19 and I feel like my lack of confidence is controlling my life. I started college last year and that was supposed to be my 'fresh start' to make loads of new friends but it was just exactly the same as the rest of my life. I always shy away from situations where I have to speak in front of people, I can't do things on my own and I just generally have really low self-esteem and end up making excuses as to why I can't go to certain social events.

This is making my life so difficult and miserable, I haven't ever had a part time job or any experience working and my parents are pressuring me constantly to go out and look for one but I literally feel as if I physically cannot do it. Whenever I even think of walking into a shop with a CV I feel ill and get panicky and never actually do it. I'm terrified of failing, I just feel weak at the knees if my parents mention going out and looking for a job, I just feel sick and cannot force myself to do it. And now I'm stuck at the beginning of the summer with nothing to do, I had previous plans but both of them fell through and I now spend my time worrying about my life in general. Does anyone have any idea how I can get past this or any way I can find a part time/ summer job?

The stress of getting a part time job has also led me to gain a lot of weight recently, but I've also had issues with food for the past year and a half, throughout my leaving cert year things got very bad and I know that I am an emotional eater. But now I'm terrified as it just seems to be an every day occurrence that I eat like crap and now I am about 2 stone overweight which leads to me having less and less confidence. I hate how I look but I just cant seem to change anything, I spend a morning eating healthily but then in the evening I just ruin it all. My parents can't afford for me to attend counselling and my university counselor is off until we start back in late september.

I'm sorry this was probably quite a rambling and unstructured post but I'm just so desperate for help. I feel totally miserable and I feel like what people have told me are the 'best years of my life' are slipping by.

Red About Town

I was quite shy at 19 but got over it. I'm sure you will too.

First thing, start exercising (would recommend jogging as you can do that on your own to start with) You'll look and feel better about yourself.

It's hard but when you fear something, just do it. You will see that it's not as scary/bad as you thought.

I found confidence and self help books a great help. Might not work for everybody but won't do you any harm to try reading some.

Try to increase your social network (join clubs, volunteer etc) This will help you meet people and make you more comfortable in social situations.

Look at the positives in your life - you are in university (assume quite intelligent) and have parents that care for you - you will get over this and do well in life. You just need to believe in yourself.

Viva La Gloria

Do you have any friends you could confide in? Or are your parents aware of just how bad you're feeling? I always find that talking to someone who understands really helps me to feel a lot better, instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

DaveDaRave

i was the same as you when i was your age, thought college would be a fresh start to take me out of the hole of anxiety i was in. and make me less anxious, didnt help at all really, was anxious all the time, missed most of college, still got a degree but then after was too anxious to go to interviews never got a job till 2 years after, thought a job would sort it out but nope still the same. Basically stayed at home alone for the last 9 years. bar the odd class of college, the odd night of drinking (to escape) and last few months working.

i wish i had went to a therapist when i was your age, so i wouldnt have pretty much wasted 1/3 of my life. I was talking to someone who went to a therapist and did cognitive behaviourall therapy and he said he had great results. I im still procrastinating taking his advice even now. But yeah, dont wait, just go see a councillor and talk about it.