I don't know what more to do

ElanaEdraw

my teenage son is refusing to do certain subjects in secondary.
no matter what we say, he is adamant that he isn't doing them.

he was involved in a crash just over 12 months ago and since then his personality is gone from a funny boy to a moody aggressive kid.

the school had been on to me twice in the last 2 weeks about him being disrespectful/aggressive in tone.

he has been to an appointment with cgc to see if he was suffering from mental illness.
the doctor say he doesn't have mental illness
the GP is sending him to seen another doctor to help him deal with his anger/aggression.
he wants to do JC / LC but will not study or put the work in to do JC / LC
I am in my room crying my eyes out because he is just soaking the life out of me.
i feel so lost and at the end of my rope trying to make him understand that he has to do all the subjects.

he is a clever kid, but hes changed so much since the accident

if anyone speaks to him he roars an answer back.
his counsellor said he has PTSD
i have done the grounding, taking things off him, talking to him, trying to reason with him...there just doesn't seem to be any getting through to him at the moment
i am at a loss as to what to do to help my teen.

has anyone else ever went through the same and came out the other side.
i would be so grateful for any positive advice.

thanks for taking the time to read this

Elana

echo beach

I'm sorry to hear about your son's accident and his change in personality. It does sound more extreme than the usual teenage changes.
Try not to stress yourself about his education. Don't spend the summer fighting over it. Let it lie until September. He may change his mind himself if it isn't a big deal and a loss of face for him.
There is no law saying you can only do LC at 18. If he refuses to do the subjects you can't force him but he isn't throwing his life away, only making it more difficult and prolonged for himself.
Make it clear to him that all you want is for him to get better, not to be some wonderful academic success, and you will still love and support him even if he chooses to do something you completely disagree with.

Plek Trum

PTSD is a very vaild and real reaction. I would focus on getting your son some help with this - is this why he is seeing the counsellor already or is it for another issue? Request a 1 on 1 with his counsellor - while they wont divulge any information with you, they may be of some help in helping you find a way to handle your son currently and help him through it.

The good thing is the summer is here and the school focus is off for a few months at least. Try and use this time to figure out what he want's to do with him rather than telling him what he must do. Treat him gently. He's been in an accident is possiblly still recovering from this mentally.

paperclip2

Hi Elana,

I wouldn't be too focused on his education at present. It sounds like there is more than enough for you and your son to be dealing with and it would be best if he was able to get a handle on the emotional side of things and deal with the PTSD. That might take most of his effort and energy, and yours, for now. I know you want him to get a good education but realistically he is still quite young and school is something he can come back to in the future. Also if he is trying to get a handle on his mental health while transitioning to second level its unlikely he would perform to his full potential anyway.

See how he is over the holidays and definitely link in with his counsellor to see how he's getting on with resolving the PTSD. Maybe he was feeling a bit overwhelmed trying to deal with school and everything else, and the holidays will give him a break from that.

It's a positive thing at least that he's not saying he wants to leave school altogether. I wouldn't worry unduly about the choice of subjects at this stage. He might change his mind before September and if not he can always take them again.
Hope things improve for you both.