how to know if something is right?

laethanta

Just come out of nine year relationship. It felt right to end it on the night it finished. But now going through the motions thinking ,knew it was going to hurt obviously for a long time but when do you get over the hurt and doubt ?

Merkin

You have to trust your instinct. I was in the same boat as you a couple of years ago and it is only natural that a part of you will question your own judgement after spending such a long time with someone. Fundamentally though you knew in your heart of hearts that it wasn't right and made a brave decision. Plenty of people are in the same boat as youand decide to stay in an unhappy relationship regardless for fear of being alone which, to my mind, is a hundred times worse. Onwards and upwards.

judgefudge

I think everyone feels that after a break up... That doubt. Thinking back on all the good things and forgetting the bad. It takes time (I'd say ~6 months depending on the person and relationship) to get through. At least if it felt right at the time it's unlikely you'll have major regrets. We can only do what feels like the right thing to do.

laethanta

Thanks, good to know doubt natural. Guess i did it when i wasn't thinking straight so that's where doubt comes from. But no point crying over spilt milk now!

LegacyUser

OP it's a brave decision you've made and you must have had your reasons for taking that step. Just be sure that you explore those doubts you have without dismissing them.
Don't do what I did: after 3yrs I felt that something wasn't 'right'. I decided over the space of a month to end the relationship and go travelling. Within a few weeks I was on the other side of the world without giving it a second thought. I was sure that I had made the right decision just didn't think she was the right girl.
Six months on and I found myself thinking about her constantly. A beautiful country that I had always wanted to explore, new girls, new experiences and nothing could shake her out of my head. Started missing her so bloody much. I had broken up with girls before and just felt nothing. After 8months of exploring myself I came home to find she was in a relationship with a guy we were both friendy with when together. I was crushed. I think after spending that much time missing her that I would automatically have her back as normal. I told her how I felt and she said that the breakup had left her devastated but that she was happier now with him. That was over a year ago and I am still hurting. I know that I fcuked up sumtin special. I go out with mates and meet girls now but still think about her constantly. I secretly hope that I will hear that they've split up but instead Ive heard they are getting engaged.
Doubts are normal but make sure you have thought it out no regrets and don't let go of a good one because they don't come around that often and 9yrs must mean something. Wouldn't want anyone to feel how low I feel not having her in my life. Kev

laethanta

Too late now thou, never be taken back after all this but true what you say about regrets grass is always greener on the other side til you get there!

LegacyUser

Its never too late! unless things were serious issues, cheating, abuse etc
It took me over a year to realise that the reason I left her and dissapeared was that I had a lot of stress, family illness, difficulties at work, and my biggest regret was that I didn't ask her to come with me or think it through before i left her first. Just needed to be away from my life. My trouble wasn't with her but I let my head rule over my heart.
Still agree with Merkin and judgefudge that if youre hearts not in it then its the right decision but be sure that hurt isnt more serious. Sounds like if your regrets are strong you need to be sure about it as i can say in my experience that it doesnt go away easily.

laethanta

Def no cheating or abuse but i made choice to go back to education few years ago and strains stemmed from that. Think is too late now thou and can't mess with someone else's emotions when my own right now all over the shop!