Feel stressed and bullied at work.

Mmm...nice!

Hi, longtime lurker here, need a bit if advice about work. I wa basically being disciplined about some really petty issues. Refusing to go to a meeting at 2 mins to finish time, and a child to collect in the crèche, i asked if it could be arranged for the following day. I also feel uncomfortable around my manager, she has being bulling me for the past 3 years and I have enough!
I need to go out from stress and anxiety, it is affecting my home life and I am miserable, getting panic attacks and really down.
Can they fire me if I take a few weeks sick? I have worked there for 7 years and it had gone from bad to worse..

tatli_lokma

The bad news is - yes you can be sacked for being off work sick for an extended period of time. They can claim you are unfit or unable to do the work you were hired to do due to your absences. If you do decide that you genuinely are unable to work and are sick, then make sure the doctor knows that stress of work is contributing to this, and make sure stress is mentioned on the sick note. As I said, you can be let go because you are not able to perform your duties due to illness, but any HR manager with half a brain who sees 'stress' on a sick note will try to be more proactive in resolving the issue as they don't want to be taken to court for constructive dismissal and contributing to or causing the illness.

Your health and well-being are very important, and you shouldn't be feeling this anxious and miserable just to earn a living.

Is there an anti-bullying policy in your workplace? Is there a sympathetic HR person you could talk to? A union rep?

On a practical side, you say you were disciplined. Was this an official disciplinary, or were you just told off for not attending? If it was an official disciplinary, then it needs to follow set procedures and if it didn't you should lodge an appeal with HR.

You need to start keeping a record of all instances where you feel bullied/harrassed/ unfairly treated. You don't have to go into great detail, just date, time and basic situation. This would be very helpful if they were to try to sack you.

Do you have any holiday leave due to you? Perhaps take a few weeks off on holiday and see if the rest helps.

Work is a necessity and unfortunately responsibilities mean many people have to do jobs they don't enjoy. But that does not mean that you should feel totally miserable or anxious to the point of getting panic attacks. You need to take care of yourself for your sake and your family's sake - no matter how good an employee, for the vast majority of employers you are just a number and can be replaced, so don't sacrifice your health and well being for a job.

Irish_Elect_Eng

Have you spoken to your manager and discussed the issues that are causing friction.

As a manager I would always want to know when a team member is struggling, and in particular if they though that I was the cause of the problem. Don't assume that your manager understands your perspective on the problems that are occurring unless you have openly explained.

I once pulled up a colleague for snapping at another team member at a meeting, it took a hour of counselling before he admitted that she was very stressed as she felt that he was being asked to do to much. I had been assigning her a lot of work because she kept volunteering (She felt that he had to to get on in the role). We had such different perceptions of the reality of the situation. It was quickly resolved once we discussed it and the problem did not reoccur.

I know that there are bad managers around, but there are very few that actively want to cause their employees to be sick with stress.

Approach your manager or HR and get the issue sorted.

Mmm...nice!

Thanks for the advice.

Went to my doctor today and he signed me off for 2 weeks.

I feel like I can't say anymore at work, I have raised the issue with HR in 2010, the basically sided with my Manager. I found a lot of notes that I have gathered over the last few years, and a grievance hearing I had raised against my Manager, it was noted that I felt sick and stressed coming to work everyday. I also raised a concern about tension in the office and I said that it needed to be dealt with. I said that we should have monthly meetings to discuss any problems or issues people might have. They agreed that this would be a positive step forward.

I got 3 monthly meetings an it stopped at that. I felt I had no one to turn to and just came to work, tried to keep my head down and do my work.

The last few weeks I have been pulled on going to the toilet, for chatting with one particular colleague. Other employes make numerous personnel calls and everyone can hear, yet nothing is said.

My disciplinary was yesterday and my union official did not show up! So I asked politely if I could have another few minutes to make contact or call the union and ask for advice. I was not allowed and I was being forced to pick anyone to come in with me. I told them that I needed back up as a lot if the statements against me were not true! They said that I could go, but would make the decision based on what the had.

I am after sticking it out so long, I do not just want to leave because that's what they want. I have tried applying for other jobs, I never hear back.

Would I have a case I went legal after so many years service?

Eoin

Mmm...nice! wrote: »

My disciplinary was yesterday and my union official did not show up!

That's poor form. I'd be banging their door down to know why, if I was handing over some of my hard earned for exactly this type of situation.

Mmm...nice! wrote: »

Would I have a case I went legal after so many years service?

Sorry, but this is not the place to ask for legal advice. I will say this though, as it's not an opinion - if you quit and claim constructive dismissal, then the onus is on you to prove it. This is unlike an unfair dismissal case where the employer must prove that the processes were followed and it was for good reason.

tatli_lokma

Mmm...nice! wrote: »

I feel like I can't say anymore at work, I have raised the issue with HR in 2010, the basically sided with my Manager. I found a lot of notes that I have gathered over the last few years, and a grievance hearing I had raised against my Manager, it was noted that I felt sick and stressed coming to work everyday. I also raised a concern about tension in the office and I said that it needed to be dealt with. I said that we should have monthly meetings to discuss any problems or issues people might have. They agreed that this would be a positive step forward.

I got 3 monthly meetings an it stopped at that. I felt I had no one to turn to and just came to work, tried to keep my head down and do my work.

in fairness 2010 was a long time ago. Unless you are prepared to either put up with it or pursue it, nothing will change. You can either change how you deal with it (which from what you say is unlikely as you feel you are being singled out and that being the case, understandably you are not likely to change how you feel about that) or you can force HR to take it up. Some HR departments will not seem to do very much initially as they kinda hope you are just throwing a strop and it will all go away. Unfortunately, stressful as it is, only you can ensure that your concerns are taken seriously. As Eoin says, you need to have proof for constructive dismissal and 2.5 years without a follow up from you looks like there were no issues in those 2.5 years.

Mmm...nice! wrote: »

The last few weeks I have been pulled on going to the toilet, for chatting with one particular colleague. Other employes make numerous personnel calls and everyone can hear, yet nothing is said.

The problem with this is, I would bet that your manager has been documenting these issues. You cannot really go in there and argue that 'well other people do blah blah blah' - even if they do and they get away with it, the issue is not their behaviour it is yours. If you are going to prove that the manager is unfairly singling you out, you need to keep your own records of when you go to the bathroom, for how long, who you talk to, about what (i.e. if its work related) etc. I would recommend you start doing this asap.

Mmm...nice! wrote: »

My disciplinary was yesterday and my union official did not show up!

ring your union directly, complain about the rep not showing up and ask for a more senior representative to replace them.

Mmm...nice! wrote: »

So I asked politely if I could have another few minutes to make contact or call the union and ask for advice. I was not allowed and I was being forced to pick anyone to come in with me. I told them that I needed back up as a lot if the statements against me were not true! They said that I could go, but would make the decision based on what the had.

I may be wrong, but I think this is a breach of the disciplinary procedure. They cannot force you to take someone you are not happy to bring, nor can they make a decision without your imput in the situation unless you blatently refuse to participate. I think a rights commissioner would look rather unfavourably upon them for these tactics.

Mmm...nice! wrote: »

I am after sticking it out so long, I do not just want to leave because that's what they want. I have tried applying for other jobs, I never hear back.

I hear what you are saying, but there is no point in cutting your nose off to spite your face - why stay somewhere and be miserable just to make a point? If you get a new job the real winner will be you because you will be in a better place. You can't let pride prevent you from doing what is best for you.

Possibly the reason you can't get another job is because all the stress and anxiety probably rolls off you in waves in an interview. This puts employers off, because even if it is not the employee who is to blame, there is just no way to know who is the cause of the disagreement so it is safer to avoid candidates who raise red flags like this.

Or your CV might not be up to scratch - after so long working in the one place is it possible that your CV is a bit tired or does not sell you properly. And if you are feeling so bet down, you are probably not great at selling yourself at the moment.

I think you should take your time off work and use it to try to put things in perspective for yourself and decide what you want to do. Don't spend the next 2 weeks stressing, just try to give yourself a break and see how you feel at the end. After that, if you have any leave due, take that too. Don't rush into anything.

Personally, I think you need to focus your energies on finding a new job and ensuring that you do not give your current employer any further ammunition - this may mean swallowing your pride for a while, and I know it will be hard, but think of it this way - if you can stave off the disciplinary processes for a while until you find a new job, then you might be able to negotiate a decent reference.

If you really feel that you have had absolutely enough and can afford it, consider negotiating with them that you will hand in your notice, but ask them to give gardening leave so you can finish up quickly - this will see you through until your SW comes through, and also get agreement from them that you will get a good written reference and that another manager (not your current one) will give a good reference should any employer come looking. Get the agreement in writing. If I were you and I could afford it, that is what I would do - I would be negotiating a way out of the place that is in my interests. I wouldn't stay there putting up with crap and being miserable.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel at the moment as I was in this position a few years ago.
I was working a place with a high work load,doing a lot of unpaid overtime and dealing with the boss from hell.
I went to the doctor and took some time off due to stress.

I would advise you now when you have some time off to get a much rest as possible, take some multi vitimans and eat plenty of fruit.
Over this weekend I would start to think if you have any friends/family/relatives ect who you could get to have a look at your cv - some times a fresh pair of eyes could see ways to improve it. Get your cv sorted out as soon as possible and send it to a few recruitment agencies. Once you do this give them a call and arrange meetings with them when you are off at the moment.
I know that you don't feel like doing this but from what you have told us long term staying in your present job is not going to work for you.

When you go back to work I would just keep your head down and keep thinking I am getting out of here soon.
When I was in your position a few years ago I made contact with a few people and sent off cv's for several jobs. I got a job after doing this and I felt great leaving my horrible boss.
I know that things can and do get better so good luck.
Let us know on boards what happens to you.

marbless

As a fellow victim I am delighted to see so much support for the original poster.

TCD's Anti-Bullying Centre is a great resource.
http://abc.tcd.ie/work.html

Thinking of you - and everybody who finds themselves in this lousy place. Stay strong! Talk about it! Seek support!

ciararain

Sorry to change the subject but there I don't know how to post my own thread, after being bullied since I was 9 and in secondary and in work, which in turn caused me severe generalised anxiety disorder, I have come out the other side after years of self development, I can say finally I,am happy again, see I know first hand how being bullied can effect you, I want to use what I have learned to help other people and turn it into my job, I would want to work with teenagers and up, just wondering if any one has suggestions, I don't want to rip any one off however I,am so passionate that a person can get over the effects of bullying to go on to be happy healthy strong persons , it would be amazing if I could teach what I have learned, and turn it into a job,

I was bullied by a women in work since I was 17 it's funny, I always let it go, I'd get so upset and dread going into work finally after 5 years I had enough I knew she was wrong and would be in the ****s if anyone knew, no one did, it would be comments about things not even work related that was hurtfull , she would watch my every move, she would bitch about me to other staff, and other days she would bitch about other staff to me, which I would Egnore , I just wanted to get on with my job, I'd come in ten mins early and she would give out, then I'd come in right on time and she would tell me I was late, the drill is I talked to my manager I told her what was happening how I felt, what she was saying to me, how ever I did not want it to go back to the bully as I know she would make my life ten times worse, at least the manger knew what was happening, the bully would threaten me with my appraisal over stupid un justified ****, and when that started I knew enough was enough, when I was in school I was given an afull time , I wished that I was dead, my light fanished , my spark was gone , or was like I was dead inside, it took me ten years to find my spark again, to feel happy.

ciararain

What I learned from all this ****e , was that if you are a pure person, you attract negative treatment, bully's can feel your energy, that why you must protect yourself don't take any **** of people like that cut them out of your life, or learn how to deal with them effectively, learn how to be assertive. Always know that you do not deserve to be treated badly, you do not have to put up with it and if your are angrey or upset DO NOT KEEP IT HIDDEN INSIDE THATS HOW WE GET POOR MENTAL HEALTH AND DISEASE, even if your in your room alone, no ones home scream out the pain and anger let it go,