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Worried about the future

  • 25-05-2013 10:21pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi Everyone,

    Just to give a bit background; Im male 24 yrs old and I am currently in a job however I dont like where I work at the moment as I find it quite lonely and distressing that there is nobody in work that I can relate to or make friends with. I have moved away to another town for this job and literally I find myself home alone on weeknights which makes it worse. Because of this I travel back home on weekends but Its worse here as I have little or no friends at home and hence I have no social life at all (I was hoping to get one when I moved house for the job but it has not worked out). All I can say that while it was great to get the job, life is not being fulfilled in other areas and I dont want to move back home entirely due to family issues.

    I feel that a change i needed in my life and I have been offered a postgraduate course in college starting the coming September which is further away from home. The course is for a year but I feel a lot of pressure and stress over doing this course. I feel that a lot is riding on this course for me. Not only do I want to do well in the course (as I didnt do so well in my previous undergrad) but I also want to make friends and have some sort of social life. Sometimes I feel that maybe a year is too short of time to make friends and that the college is quite a distance from home that I will find it hard to settle as Im shy by nature.

    I really need this to go well for me as I have had a string of unlucky or unfortunate events over the past few years that have left me lonely and isolated from pretty much everyone. Its not that I planned for this to happen it just happened and seems to be outside of my control now and everything that I have tried to change this seems to failed in one form or another.

    I need this to work for me. Is a year too short of time to make long lasting friends? and as the college is far from my home, would I be better off concentrating on making friends nearer home? although as im in the middle of the country their are not many opportunities outside the GAA for making friends and Im not really into sports.

    What can I do to change this and make friends?


Comments

  • #2
    boomtown123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 186 ✭✭boomtown123


    Hi OP,

    I'm about the same age as you - and I certainly do believe you are not the only one that has moved for a job and finds themselves lacking on the social aspect. Are you just out of college? If so I think it can be a huge transition from the community feel of college and the seemingly "effortless" means of meeting people and making friends. I definitely think this effects a lot of people finished college for the first time. How long have you been in this new place? Have you tried looking around to see if there's any volunteering opportunities/meet ups that might interest you in this new area? Could you maybe try staying where you are the odd weekend and getting out a little to see whats happening?

    What are your living arrangements like? Are you sharing with people? Housemates can be a great social outlet and means of meeting new people. When you say there is nobody in work you can relate with or make friends - in what ways?

    Congratulations on getting the offer for a postgraduate course! I think your being a little hard on yourself and setting yourself up for high expectations. Your putting a lot of pressure on yourself. OK so you mightn't have done well in your undergraduate - but look at you with a job at the moment - which spells out experience (valuable as any degree today) and look at you getting an offer for a postgrad! I have done a masters - and yeah I will admit that its A LOT of work - but I did have A LOT of social happenings also! I can certainly say it was the best ever year in college. I met 2 of my bestest friends - one on my course and one through a friend.

    Like you I was and still am quiet (at times) shy and reserved - but its one thing I've realized is getting involved, making the effort, saying yes to things - is how you create a social life. Doing a postgrad and having a social life just requires organisation. A year is definitely not too short - a lot can happen in a year - when you let it and you make it happen!

    Yeah you'll find it hard to settle in at first? But haven't you done it somewhat already for work? I remember starting my undergraduate - new place - 3 hours away from home -didn't know a sinner - painstakingly shy!! I mean sickly shy. I was so so homesick for practically the whole of the first semester. I was only 17 too; which meant when I got asked to to go out - I couldn't really - cos I could never get in. But I made it work by doing other - going along to house parties - joined a few societies. I got through it - and I look back now and I'm actually chuffed at how far I've come. I'm sure you will too! You will settle in. Don't focus on the "oh crap, I don't know anyone, I don't know where I am". Embrace it. There will always be someone else in the same boat. Get talking and sharing your experience. It can bring people together. I will be too starting another postgrad course in a different place. Yeah I'm a little nervous - but I'm looking forward to it too. It'll be another step in my life that I'll look back on later on and be proud of. Something that you will too.

    In short, Everyone loses friends. Don't be so hung up on it. You'll make new ones if you make the effort - so this college year your going into - make the effort - say yes - get involved. I've met 2 of my best friends in one year. A year is not too short at all! Believe me we're not all friends with our primary school classmates after all these years. Friendship isn't about how long you know the person. Don't be so focused on geographical area either - you can make friends where ever! Do you drive OP?, what kind of interests do you have? Could you help out in a local youth club? Try put yourself out there. It'l do you wonders and it would be great warm up for college.

    Don't be so hard on yourself OP. You can spend too much time focusing on
    I need this to work for me
    that you lose the main focus of what you want to get out of it. Try go with the flow, let past bad encounters and past bad experiences pass. They don't shape you who you are unless you let them.

    I really hope this helps you.

    Best of Luck OP :)


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