Its ''complicated''

AnnieBananie27

I began spending a lot of time with my house mate who is a nice guy, he makes me laugh & he is always complementing me lol
the only problem is that its my mums house & I live back in my mums house the last few months after I lost my job ...
My mum lived alone for over 3 years & she started renting out rooms ...
But now as I'm back in her house.
Our house mate was chasing me the last few months- always comin down from his room to talk to me when i came home & making plans with me to do things together like go for walks or bowling etc
So i agreed as i wasn't doing anyway at the time anyway
I admit I began enjoying his company...even though I was not attracted to him...initially!
So to save face & avoid any un-necessary agro. we were meeting up when my Mum was not home & not telling my Mum anything about if we had gone for a walk or to bowling together etc
It seems a bit childish to be sneaking around the way we were- I am 27 after all
But my Mum was never really fond of him- probably because he likes to have a few cans of beer most days, smokes & was married previously & has 2 teenage children!!
So to make a long story shorter...we started getting more ''intimate''
& one night while my Mum was out I stayed in his room
I have to admit it was so cosy us lying together & his arm around me
But then around 3am my mum came home
Callin me!
Oh how my heart sank!
There was no where to go now
she opened my bed room door & as I was not there
She burst into the other house mates room (which he left open, even though he usually locks it)
& low & behole there we were together snuggled up in his bed
OMG my Mum freaked out & called me every name under the sun!
She also told him to get out! & now he has to move out next week!
My mum called him every horrible name under the sun- a scum bag, a low life etc etc
Im kinda torn right now to be honest
i asked my mum why she is so against him & she told me that because ''he doesnt have anything for me''
i.e. he only works part-time, has a past & the same as mentioned above
all of which she reckons i not good enough for me
i understand that she is looking out for me
but now i feel smoothered by her- I know it might not work with him in the future but at the same time its like she is controlling me & I feel sick
SHould I just move out of her place altogether? ...
i never had agro like this when i did not live in my mums house (only reason I do live there right now is its free rent for me & easier as im between jobs at the moment)

I would appreciate your comments & feedback & recommendations
on this!

Thanks!

judgefudge

I'd say you should move out as soon as possible, provided that's an option for you. It doesn't sound like a healthy situation.

Your mum may feel that while you're living in her house rent free that means she can tell you what to do. Best thing to do is get some distance from her.

thefeatheredcat

I think her reaction is a bit....... over the top? Or quite valid, I don't know. Maybe despite ye hiding whatever was going on she had her suspicions, especially when she checked your room, found you not there and then straight to his room, which is an odd conclusion, simply because you could have headed out for the night somewhere yourself and weren't back yet.

So I'd say either she knows a lot more about what this guy is like, that has done the same with previous female tenants or something and made stuff awkward but I do think perhaps to her it appears to be quite a different viewpoint in why he is a scum bag and a low life for being on / in the bed snuggled up with the landlady's daughter (as opposed to another tenant); maybe for her that is stepping over the line in being a tenant?

I get a feeling anyway that there's more than your mother knows about this guy than she's telling you, either what she has seen or knows, treatment towards other tenants (I assume he is the only tenant, other than yourself) or just has been suspicious of him but hasn't had a good reason to throw him out. Maybe it was the last straw in relation to something else, just generally.

Have there been any other situations that has made you unhappy living there, do you feel smothered in other ways or is it just from this situation?

If you're particularly unhappy living there, you are better off finding yourself somewhere else to live, if it is going to be difficult for you and are going to feel quite smothered. If it's just a blip maybe you can stay there, but her being smothering is going to be making it difficult for yourself and your mother to get on, or cause difficulties, it probably isn't going to be worth it.

wirelessdude01

Any chance your mam had a thing for/with him?

AnnieBananie27

hi thefeatheredcat thanks for your advise
ya i intend to move out of her house as soon as i can- she's acting away too crazy for my liking

but now today she told our housemate he has to move out ASAP as she doesn't want him in the house anymore!

hi wirelessdude01 i think you might be right- as my housemate said joking that my mum is probably jealous of d attention he gives me! lol

squonk

OP, you're 27. How old is this guy? If he has two teenage sons I'd assume quite a bit older. We all have bad things happen us in life but I suspect your mam may have your best interests at heart here if he's quite a bit older than you, has only a part time job and a failed marriage. She's probably thinking ahead that maybe you might turn out the same way as his ex wife with kids of your own to support.

I know it's a big conclusion to jump to but I'm just saying it to put it out there. Saying your mam has a thing for him sounds like either deflection or she might have and he's old enough to be able to requite her feelings.

Stand back a little here. You're 27. You sound a bit naive. Can you really not do any better for yourself?

AnnieBananie27

Thanks for your reply. Well he is 7 years older than me. He had kids 12&13 quiet young. I'm not naive as in i am aware of possible consequences in being with him. But he is to me Mr. Right now . Not Mr. perfect

AnnieBananie27

AnnieBananie27 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. Well he is 7 years older than me. He had kids 12&13 quiet young. I'm not naive as in i am aware of possible consequences in being with him. But he is to me Mr. Right now . Not Mr. perfect

To make matters more difficult my mum made sure he moved out yesterday :-(