Heading for a fresh start?

newbiewhore

Lads and lassies
I was hoping for some advice and id really appreciate it. To try and summarise the story as short as possible. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for the last ten years; I always struggled with a real heavy feeling on a daily basis, always sleeping in lacking in motivation to do anything. I dropped out of college when I was 19 basically because I couldn’t concentrate and study. I worked a service job that was dead end for six years while drinking heavily and being in trouble with the law on several occasions. I was up in court on several occasions luckily managing to avoid a criminal record.
I decided I needed to sort my life out and returned to Uni really struggling the first two years, hardly leaving the house. I lost so many friends being completely depressed. I had a couple of girlfriends during this time but they always turned out to be really unhealthy relationships and more recently when I was in my third year the girl I was seeing broke up with me. I literally fell apart a complete breakdown, not understanding why because she treated me like sh*t. it was four weeks before the exams and I went to therapist to drag my ass through the exams and into final year.
It turns out what I grew up in was an extremely toxic house where my mother’s moods ruled the place. The fights between herself and my dad were on a daily basis. Often her threatening to slit her wrists and smashing windows, doors, plates. I believe it’s called a parentified child and I was emotionally abused for as long as I can remember her screaming at me then I love you the next. Finally the realisation HOLY ****, my parents are ****ED UP, wow... mom, you got some splainin' to do, and you ll never admit you did anything wrong.
I have recently finished my degree and still working with a therapist, I know this is anamous but that man saved my life. The tears are streaming down my face as I write this. God’s work that man does honestly. Finally some light at the end of the tunnel.
I would really like a fresh start abroad, just up and leave

Neyite

Why not?

Why not just head abroad and gain some healthy distance from your parents issues? I had a point in my life where I had job loss, a broken heart, and no ties to Ireland and off I went. It was great to go somewhere where I knew I wouldnt bump into my ex and his new girlfriend. It was great to be away from expectations from family - and my family are lovely and we are close. Being abroad gave me emotional space that I needed at the time.

Well done for working on your issues and getting your degree. That took guts and hard work, so pat yourself on the back there. You realise that while your mother held you back until recently, you dont have to let her hold you back anymore. The rest of your life belongs to you - your life is your own adventure, make it unfold the way YOU want it to.

Go for it! As long as you have the price of a flight home set aside, you can always come back. Where in the world interests you? Are there jobs there that you can do there? Can you use your qualification? Research your options and see what comes up.

beks101

While I 100% agree with Neyite, I think it's vital that you run this passed your therapist and see what his opinion would be.

Obviously he's someone you trust, who helped you to overcome the darkest time in your life - is his work done? Do you feel confident in your ability to cope with life and all its stresses on your own now?

I'm asking because moving abroad, while one of the most enriching, enlightening experiences you can have, is also stressful and presents you with a lot of unknowns that will really challenge you mentally, emotionally and physically. You're away from your comfort zone, often with no-one to rely on but yourself, in unfamiliar territory and a culture & social scene that's foreign to you. There will be many triggers for your depression in all of that.

I can't recommend it highly enough. It's literally changed my life. But I think right now your priority should be your therapy and making sure that you've gone the distance with that and are as confident, mentally stable and secure as you can be, before venturing overseas.