Losing interest in my career

cookiexx

Hi,

I'd love some advice. Not really sure what direction to go with all of this...

I live abroad and work in a very very competitive industry. I've been here a few years and will leave this country in a few months to return home.

I've always loved my job and loved the adrenaline of the industry, but at the turn of the new year things took a turn for the worse. I had some personal issues which I've been struggling with, relationship breakdown, ensuing depression, and then a blow at work where I've essentially been demoted due to budget cuts.

I've always been ambitious and the competition and lack of job security never really got to me (I always fought my way to where I wanted to be) but in the last few months I've found myself increasingly deflated and just fed up with the whole thing. It's like I am 1. questioning whether or not this tough industry is where I want to be for the rest of my life, 2. have lost all confidence in myself due to the depression and demotion and 3. am sort of "feck it, sure I'll be home in a few months, what's the point in stressing" about the whole thing.

This really concerns me. Maybe because since the moment I graduated I've defined myself on my career and this industry isn't the type that affords you any sort of break in motivation or slow-down. I'm worried about my professional reputation and my financial situation.

On the one hand, I'll be home and facing a new job hunt in a few months so why worry about things on this side of the water, on the other hand, if I can't motivate myself now, what makes me think I'll be able to do it in a few months time?

I don't know what kind of advice I'm seeking. I guess it would be nice to hear from others about how they've dealt with working in a competitive industry and staying confident, going through a career crisis, staying motivated at work despite personal issues etc.

Head is a bit melted at the moment about it all.

thefeatheredcat

cookiexx wrote: »

I had some personal issues which I've been struggling with, relationship breakdown, ensuing depression, and then a blow at work where I've essentially been demoted due to budget cuts.

OP that's a lot to have to handle and keep going with - have you had anyone you have confided in or sought help for yourself in how you feel or are coping with, such as counselling, or finding ways to relieve yourself such as sports if you're feeling really stressed, for example?

cookiexx wrote: »

On the one hand, I'll be home and facing a new job hunt in a few months so why worry about things on this side of the water, on the other hand, if I can't motivate myself now, what makes me think I'll be able to do it in a few months time?

cookiexx wrote: »

1. questioning whether or not this tough industry is where I want to be for the rest of my life, 2. have lost all confidence in myself due to the depression and demotion and 3. am sort of "feck it, sure I'll be home in a few months, what's the point in stressing" about the whole thing

I think you could be placing yourself at risk of slipping into greater difficulty and doubt if you put off dealing with all this now then when you get back home. You have the opportunity to sort yourself out now re the relationship breakdown to mend things with yourself and deal with that, not as a distraction from everything else but in challenging and tackling it head on. Being demoted because of budget cuts isn't your fault, it is an issue outside of your control that shouldn't reflect badly on you, either from outside in people's perception or you own perception of yourself. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself re both the relationship and the demotion, but you need to tackle that here and now, not some months down the line. What you would want for yourself, is to go home and straight into something new, after having addressed any personal issues in your life, or at least made a start on it, which otherwise, if you go home and have a lot of work to do on yourself might leave you open to slipping downhill with depression and losing hope on finding work, or that you will have zero motivation worse than what you feel now.

I think you would be better off tackling what you feel about everything right now, rather than months down the line.

As for the industry, I've had the experience that when negative changes happen in a job you once enjoyed, where morale may be low and where you feel demotivated as a result, you're just not going to get the same joy out of it in the same job with the same situation. You'd probably never get the same joy out of it in the same way, unless either a miracle of all the changes having been done are reversed or you create a better something for yourself that will make you feel more motivated, such as researching your prospects, working in the same industry but under more positive conditions, or looking at the industry from another angle, or back at why you got into it in the first place. If you're passionate about a job or industry, or once had it, chances are that passion is always there, less visible in difficult times but more visible in better circumstances, both professionally and personally. I think in a better more happier environment, and where you are happy with yourself, you'll know for certain that it's the career you want. But until you are in a better environment you aren't going to be confident in that, or be able to squash those doubts.

What really won't be much beneficial to you would be letting your personal issues gain advantage over you that it makes your professional life more difficult and vice versa. Dwelling on a negative work situation or letting it get the better of you will also impact yourself in general and may prevent you moving forward in your personal life.

You need to keep your focus on the opportunities ahead, in keeping your life moving forward; having doubts about a career is normal, you've perhaps seen yourself at your best in your career, and you've probably also seen yourself at your worst while managing personal difficulties; yet you probably will overcome the worst and regain your confidence. Which will change your perception about your career. TBH though, you are better off questioning your career choice when you are happy with your life and happy inside yourself, with confidence, because it can otherwise create confusion about what you think you want, your abilities, in respect of how you feel negatively and what is going on inside you and; what you really want, your actual ability, your actual skills, your actual passion in respect of how you feel positively.

blatantrereg

since the moment I graduated I've defined myself on my career

I read an interesting paper about a study about things like this. People who invest self esteem into their success in study or careers are prone to the sort of thing you are talking about. The wind goes out of their sails if they suffer a setback. The result is that they generally do worse in the long run than people who have less competitive mindsets - and who treat their work/study as something to support their life, not as their lives in itself.

In a more immediate sense it just sounds like you're exhausted a bit. You can only run on adrenaline for so long. If you overextend yourself over a period you become exhausted and need to spend some time recovering.

Unless you have financial pressures or similar that rule it out, I would strongly suggest you take a couple of months off when you return to Ireland. Longer if you feel you would benefit from it. It sounds like you expect to return to a fairly high-pressure environment when you get your next job, so keep that in mind.

Might be worth re-evaluating things a bit in your mind.

I've experienced similar situations a few times in my life, and am experiencing similar now. In the past I would have switched between wanting to excel, and not putting in sufficient effort, sometimes out of exhaustion, sometimes out of frustration in my own case. The former could have been avoided by avoiding over-extending myself. The latter was often an exaggerated response in retrospect, with the frustration itself causing more problems than the factor that frustrated me.

Today I try to expend my energy in a more measured manner. I also remind myself to keep things in perspective, and that work is something I do to support my personal life, not something that should take precedence over it. Despite a wariness against biting off too much, circumstances have dictated that I have found myself a lot more busy than I would like so far this year. I took on an amount of work I felt I might be a little stretched to accomplish, but that I should be ok as it was for a defined period of time, and that I would have personal support. However more work developed in the form of study for a required qualification, and more time dealing with personal matters was dictated by someone experiencing medical issues. As I have before, I find myself over-extended and struggling. The difference is that I am managing anyway.

The difference comes down to maturity I think, and differences in my way of thinking. As I mentioned, I remember to keep things in perspective now. Equally importantly, I curtail my desire to excel, and instead aim for consistency primarily. As the results come in I'm finding that I seem to have avoided any fukcups successfully, and I actually have excelled in at least one of my jobs. I think the more measured attitude contributed to that rather than impeded it. Although I did feel a competitive spark in approaching that particular job [in reaction to my methods being criticised early on among other things] this was less significant in my priorities to putting time into personal matters, and managing overall consistency in my work.

cookiexx

Thank you both for the solid advice. Your posts made a lot of sense.

I particularly can identify with this:

blatantrereg wrote: »

In the past I would have switched between wanting to excel, and not putting in sufficient effort, sometimes out of exhaustion, sometimes out of frustration in my own case.

That's me to a tee. At the moment, it's the "not sufficient effort" phase, for probably the same reasons. I've retreated a lot since I got demoted, because my confidence has been shot so badly with everything that's been going on and I've gotten completely "what's the point" ish about the whole thing. What's the point in caring so much about your work schedule that your head almost explodes when things go awry, when your mental health suffers badly from the stress of it, when your sense of self worth fluctuates in accordance with how well/badly things are going in the office?

The position I'm in now requires me to fight back, to prove my worth again and to approach my boss and essentially "sell myself" back into the role I've been in for the last few years. It's a highly, highly competitive environment and laying low for too long means you're likely to disappear.

And I've sort of disappeared. I just don't have the confidence or belief in myself or my abilities because of all the issues I've been dealing with. I had resolved to talk to my boss today...instead he approached me and gave me a polite but firm slap on the wrist for an error that I made last week, which again has hit me like a ton of bricks.

I can totally relate to the self-esteem + career correlation - that's an accurate description of me. To the point where I'd be afraid of slipping into a depression if I went without work for a few months. Work is my LIFE; it has been for the last six years. I don't know who I am without it.

I agree with you featheredcat that I need to sort out my personal issues as a matter of priority. I'm pretty sure I've been grappling with depression since my break up earlier this year. I've also gained some weight through comfort eating, which definitely isn't helping.

Lifestyle, sleeping pattern, food and exercise routine haven't been great at all the past while so I suppose I could start there. I've signed up to a 10k in early September, maybe I'll prioritise that so I have something going on outside of the office.

I'm just so frustrated at myself and a bit angry that I've worked so hard and so long these past few years, only to find myself in this place of complete misery with complete disillusionment about my career and borderline depression at my set of circumstances.

Thanks for allowing me the vent!
And thanks for the advice again, it really helps

Citycap

Taking on a personal fitness course is good advice. You also need to get some good career advice either from a professional career guidance person or from someone you may regard as a mentor.