Jealousy Issues

joeblogs1066

Hi all,

So I've recently had some jealously issues about my girlfriend.

The background is we met each other and dated for a few weeks while she was on an internship in Ireland. We were each other's first relationship. But she had some confidence issues herself and decided she couldn't be in a relationship so broke it off with me. I was upset but we ended on good terms.

A few months later she gets back in contact with me and says she made a big mistake and wants to get back together. I'm all for this so we do a long-distance thing for a while and she ends up moving back to Ireland for me.

Then recently she tells me she had a one-night stand with a guy before she left the first time around. This killed me. I had been under the impression that I was the only person she'd been with. I know what she did wasn't wrong, but the timing of it really hurts. I don't feel nearly as bad as I did when she told me first but I'd love some advice on how to get over the jealousy because I love the woman!

Thanks

Lux23

I understand why you would be jealous, but like you said you love the girl so maybe focus on your future together rather than one minor indiscretion.

blatantrereg

It's not a jealousy issue it's a cheating issue. Jealousy is a normal effect of that if you decide to accept it. Best idea would be to ditch someone if they are unfaithful.

She did do something wrong. She clearly gave you the impression she wasn't meeting other people. You describe what you had with her as your first relationship. The way she got back in touch with you makes it clear it was a relationship too.

It was her choice to move back to Ireland. Don't perceive that as something she did for you. She also only told you after you returned "for you", after you went through the unpleasantness of an LDR, and committed yourself emotionally and probably in other ways too.

Being in love with her is not a reason to stay with her. The fact you love her makes her betrayal far worse.

Cupcake_Crisis

Op, were you still together when she slept with the other guy? That's not very clear.

joeblogs1066

Nope we weren't together then

LegacyUser

if you two weren't together when she had this one night stand then you can't call it cheating, you were both free agents.

''This killed me. I had been under the impression that I was the only person she'd been with.''

this sounds more like you have some sort of rose tinted view of you being her first and only what, sexual partner or relationship? that isn't very clear.

if it's the latter i don't think you can call a one night stand a relationship - not versus her moving country to be with you!!! if it's the former, without being crass, people have sexual needs, people have sexual histories. she had a one nighter, then she left the country. then she moved back to be with YOU. maybe her timing wasn't the best, but as you said you were both free agents when it happened. and she has moved back. to be with YOU!! if you really love her why allow yourself to be so focused on the past?

blatantrereg

Why did she feel the need to tell you then? All it has accomplished is wrecking your head. Or did it come up in conversation some way?

Personally I'd question if she did actually cheat on you. She might feel a need to confess that, but told you an altered version of events so that you would accept it. In a way that might be the worst thing to tell you I suppose, if she is not lying.

Otherwise it just strikes me as odd though. Most people don't want to hear about their OHs' previous sex partners.

joeblogs1066

voiceofreasonhere wrote: »

if you two weren't together when she had this one night stand then you can't call it cheating, you were both free agents.

''This killed me. I had been under the impression that I was the only person she'd been with.''

this sounds more like you have some sort of rose tinted view of you being her first and only what, sexual partner or relationship? that isn't very clear.

if it's the latter i don't think you can call a one night stand a relationship - not versus her moving country to be with you!!! if it's the former, without being crass, people have sexual needs, people have sexual histories. she had a one nighter, then she left the country. then she moved back to be with YOU. maybe her timing wasn't the best, but as you said you were both free agents when it happened. and she has moved back. to be with YOU!! if you really love her why allow yourself to be so focused on the past?

blatantrereg wrote: »

Why did she feel the need to tell you then? All it has accomplished is wrecking your head. Or did it come up in conversation some way?

Personally I'd question if she did actually cheat on you. She might feel a need to confess that, but told you an altered version of events so that you would accept it. In a way that might be the worst thing to tell you I suppose, if she is not lying.

Otherwise it just strikes me as odd though. Most people don't want to hear about their OHs' previous sex partners.

Hi guys thanks for your responses. Yeah she's the only girl I've been with so it is/ was rose tinted in that way. I agree with all you're saying but she only told me this a month ago so it's still a bit sore. I just want the jealous feelings to disappear so I can get on with my life.

I guess she felt guilty about it. There was no real trigger for it. The rational part of me admires her for being totally honest with me but the emotional side of me is in complete turmoil and I wish she hadn't.