Family is crazy

LegacyUser

I got engaged two years and we set the date straight away. Guest list was done almost immediately. So we where happy campers. We made two lists. People we really wanted there (which came to 120) and then "plus 1's". So if anyone off list one said no we gave someone else of list one a plus 1 (their boyfriend/girlfriend, significant other) an invite. Happy days.
But there where three people who kicked up murder straight away coz they automatically didn't get a plus 1 in the first place. They just couldn't be patient. Accused me of bullying them and picking on them. So they RSVP'd no.
So, these three are all related. So I got on with my life, as you do. There dad was still going to the wedding. But after all the madness with the other three one of them took digs at me on Facebook, publicly and accused me of bullying. Then she deleted me and stalked my page through her other siblings and her dad's page. So I never really talked to them much before all this so I delete them all. But not before the main one deleted me, other half & my you get brother (who was nothing got to do with any of this)
Roll on the wedding and the dad doesn't show up. Even thought two days before saying to the rest of the family he was going.
The reason he didn't go........coz we're no longer friends on Facebook. Seriously, a grown man, of 50 odd getting extremely upset for not being friends on Facebook.

Now his family have treated me like absolute dog sh*t. They where the only stress of planning the wedding. I really don't get it. His adult kids took awful digs at me and my other half and nothing was said to them. I delete him, out of principal coz of the massive amounts of stalking and creeping and all hell breaks loose.

What has the world come to. Been awake since 3 thinking it over and over. I've been though a lot over the last two years and I can count the amount of people who have stood by me on one hand.
I'm actually angry and I'm not an angry person at all.

Just looking to see what's everyone else's take on this is.

Oryx

You said it. They're crazy. I think some people go out of their way to find something to be offended by. And god knows weddings bring the complainers out of the woodwork.

You behaved correctly. They behaved terribly. Just be glad you didn't have to buy them dinner.

If you ever get the chance to chat to the dad in real life you can tell him exactly why you took him off your Facebook. Hopefully he will squirm.

judgefudge

God Facebook is the devil sometimes. I probably wouldn't have deleted them but that's just me...

To be honest from what you've said there must be more to the story. There has to be. Either that or they are nuts. But I have a feeling more has gone on

Atomicjuicer

Invite lists are so stressful.

I'm so grateful we didn't have Facebook when we got married!

LegacyUser

No that's pretty much all of it. They where told before hand that is was just family no plus 1's. they even got their mother to have a word with me about the plus 1's at my mothers first anniversary mass! Who does that?
Everything I do on Facebook they took personally even funny thinks like "More Cowbell" video. They would come back to me saying things like are you slagging us off. How in gods name do you get that from a Saturday Night Live video.
They would then say openly on Facebook that I was a back stabber and sly. Then when one deleted me and stalked me no way was I having it. They had the problem not me.

I said to them if anyone replied no to the wedding that they would get plus 1's and they just couldn't be patient and told the entire family I was bullying them.

circadian

It's your day not theirs. You're the one putting the work in so if they don't like it they can lump it. You've dealt with it in a polite manner, you couldn't ask for more.

Like someone else said it's as if they're just looking for something to be offended about, or they just have a serious sense of entitlement.

GarIT

You really don't take Facebook seriously enough. Once someone deletes you on Facebook you can never talk to them again ever unless they apologise.

LegacyUser

Why would anyone take Facebook seriously? Literally my Facebook is about films, music and funny video and they took offense to everything. I go on to have banter with my friends and family with stuff we all enjoy. These lot thought that everything was about them and accused me of bullying them.
To accuse someone of bullying is this day and age is a huge deal. So I deleted them as they we offended by me being happy!
People have deleted me and it didn't bother me. Girls I went to school with deleted me coz they actually told me they where jealous. That's no my problem.

finbarrk

Maybe now that you are old enough to be getting married it's time to say goodbye to Facebook? It seems to exaggerate lots of problems.

LegacyUser

Why in god's name would anyone take facebook seriously? I go on to have a bit of banter and fun about films, music & books. Post the odd video from skit's on SNL.
And everything they get offended by...That leads me to think they are the ones who are insecure and have a chip on their shoulder coz I'm happy.

They accused me of bullying them, which in this day & age is a serious thing to accuse someone of. But see, no one batted an eyelid when the three siblings deleted my younger brother, just for being my brother. And you think thats ok?

The eldest deleted me, then the other two started posting about how awful I was coz I wouldn't give them a plus one and I bullied them. SO I deleted them coz thr accusations are awful.

Then, they start stalking and creeping my page from their fathers and starting the madness again and you think I should have just put up with it?

I was so good to them, even after my mother died, I brought them down stuff out of the bakery a good friend of mine worked in, i bought there kids stuff for birthdays and Christmas and this is what I get in return.
I have a right to be angry and delete them from facebook coz facebook was just killing them. Why stay friends with someone who accuses you of stuff like that?

That's why I hate facebook, it turns supposed adults into squabbling teenagers, it's ridiculous. If you have an issue with the way they react to your Facebook why don't you just delete the whole Damn thing and interact with your genuine friends in the real world

ManOfMystery

As someone wisely posted above, weddings unfortunately bring out the worst in some people. One particular member of my wife's family actually made a bit of a scene at our wedding over something so trivial it was not even worth mentioning. She was swiftly put in her place, but it has neither been forgiven or forgotten by either of us. But to be honest, she always seems to have a chip on her shoulder about something so it came as no surprise.

I think these members of your family are the same. Some people are just born complainers, and can't put aside their issues even on someone else's big day. There seems to be an element of paranoia too. If I was in your shoes I'd be angry too and probably want to roar my head off at them, but ultimately that will never solve anything; people like that are like vampires, they thrive on confrontation and picking fights over everything. They will likely never see your point of view, even if they're 100% in the wrong, so ignoring them and getting on your with life is the best option.

ABajaninCork

It's not about Facebook. Facebook is just the catalyst. It's given these people the excuse needed to bully YOU. That's all. They really need to look up the definition of bullying in the dictionary. Seriously, this is playground stuff. I'd expect this kind of rubbish from my nieces and nephews, not grown folks!

What does your husband say about it? Does he/has he supported you?? You need your husband to out the hard word on them, or they risk losing the pair of you for good. Believe me, this is just the tip of the iceberg. If you let this sh1t continue, just you wait until the children come along. He needs to tell his family to cop the fcuk on and grow up!!

Meanwhile - get on with your life. Ignore them. Don't let these people bring you down, and certainly lose no more sleep about them. The family are all Radio Rental...

inmyday

Just delete your own Facebook. Its a waste of time, and causes more harm than good.
I know people will say its a great way for communicating with people abroad, but just use ordinary email.

LegacyUser

ManofMystery, I fully agree weddings do bring out the crazy in people. I thought it would have been the other side of the family making crazy for us, but this lot, it shocked me. I explained to them we had a budget for 120 people (75 per head) that was literally all we could save in two years.
Then when the madness started over the plus 1's I was told the problem wasn't money coz and I quote "You're loaded, I know you have loads of money". I work really hard for the money I do get and that goes into paying bills and my younger brother. So to be given out to coz I can manage my money and save, it makes you feel bad. I would love to roar my head of, but my mam use to tell me the same what you just said "it won't get you anywhere".
ABajaninCork, husband supports me 100% and he is fuming as well. He said its unfair the way the family won't "condemn" them for their actions but are fully able to condemn me for standing up for myself for once. I usually do anything for a quiet life. So I stood up for myself this time coz I was sick of it.
Why should I have to delete my facebook? I have friends and famiy who don't live in Ireland and its a great way of seeing their pictures and having a bit of banter. If used in the right way can be great. People spend more time on their facebook then in their e-mail for some reason.

The point of all this is, how can one person be condemn for standing up for themselves, this one time and yet all the others get away scot free. How can family be so awful to others family members?

Its just put a dampener to the end of the whole "wedding buzz". The day after I come home from honeymoon and still crap starts.

OP, posts take a while to approve sometimes. Don't post them a few times in the interim, please.

Thanks

GarIT

Obviously the children (of the father) acted childishly, but deleting someone on Facebook is the same as going face to face with someone and saying you don't want to know them anymore but Facebook is just an even sneakier way of doing it. You were right to delete the kids, but not the father. You just have to keep in mind that many people take friends lists seriously even if you don't and they are probably right to be offended by it.

You effectively put in in writing that you don't want to be friends with this man when he personally did nothing on you.

LegacyUser

By the sounds of it their +1's would have consisted of their laptops anyway so not sure what the big deal is.

If I was you I would enjoy my own happy life and leave those sad acts whittle away on their computers. No need for even entertaining such bullsh+t and if they are ever big enough to apologise you have the option of restoring some sort of relationship. If not, they won't be much of a loss.

Alternatively you could add them all on Bebo for the ultimate mind f**k.

StillWaters

I think the way you did your invite list was very strange. I have never heard of it before. You sent out 120 invites with no +1s. And thereafter only some people got a +1. So did that include married people and established couples, you just invited 1 person from the couple? I think it was inevitable to expect a fallout from that. I myself certainly wouldn't be happy if I was invited to a friend or family members wedding without my partner of many years, and I am a reasonable person. Telling me to wait until someone refused your invite so my partner could go would probably have annoyed me more.


Doesn't excuse the behaviour afterwards of course, but it would explain the catalyst.

LegacyUser

No married couples and people who where in a very serious, established relationship got automatic plus 1's. People like the three in question, one of them had broken up with he boyfriend but still wanted a plus 1. The other two wanted plus 1's for the other halves who where in PRISON! They where still in prison and wanted a plus 1 despite the fact not knowing when they would be out (they got out the week before the wedding)
I had a budget of 120 people that was what we could afford so I had to trim the list. Our first list had 160 people on it and we simply could not afford that. We did our budget up on what we could save and the figure came to 120 people.
And people actually understood that.

Merkin

Fuming101 wrote: »

I've been though a lot over the last two years and I can count the amount of people who have stood by me on one hand.

It's these people and these people only I would have invited to the wedding in the first place.

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

It's these people and these people only I would have invited to the wedding in the first place.

Exactly Merkin...why invite people who has caused you nothing but stress. I think I was fair the way I did they list. We're in a recession, I made my budget like an normal person. You don't spend more then you can afford. I know people get it in their head "oh we'll make it back up in cash gifts", not necessarily. We didn't depend on that at all.
We didn't get a loan or ask for any help to pay for the wedding. We paid for it straight out from our savings (two years of saving every penny we had). We're not in debt at all like some friends I've spoken to after their wedding

This man's family caused me nothing but stress. They found fault with every little thing I did. They didn't even congratulate us when we got engaged and I was still the bigger person. People are allowed not to be the bigger person. If I asked for help after I took guardianship of my younger brother they wouldn't help! I was told "that's your problem" and these are suppose to be family.

I was the bigger person for longer then any "normal" (there is not such thing as normal) person could stand to be. There literally only so much one person can take.

Oryx

So dont take anymore from them. Right now you are giving their thoughts and actions far more energy and attention than they deserve. So what if they are family? They give you nothing but grief, and you're not obliged to interact with them if you choose not to. Let them say what they will, it can only hurt you if you let it. Keep your friends around you, and put some distance between you and these horrible people.