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Age Gap
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19-05-2013 10:47pm#1
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Opinions_welcomed wrote: »I'm wondering why a 33 year old man would want to go out with a 23 year old girl?
Just for a start - you are no longer "a girl" - you are "a woman"
) You might still feel like a teenager, but you are actually an adult! (at 23 I had a mortgage!! - and that's not all that long ago 
)
It shouldn't matter to you what anyone else thinks. Basically it should just come down to whether or not you want to go for dinner with him.
As for whatever ulterior motives he has, you won't know unless you go out for dinner. He may have no ulterior motive. He may just want to go out and get to know you. He may like you enough to want to start a relationship. He may want to flatter you a bit, and then have sex with you... but you don't have to have sex with him, if you don't want to. You can always decline, if he suggests it.
If you don't want to go out with him, say no.
If you think you might have a good time, say yes.
If he tries anything on that you are not comfortable with, say no.
If he is the perfect gentleman, and you enjoy yourself... well then, who knows?!
Edit: And in a few short years, 33 won't seem that old to you, either!0 -
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ManOfMystery wrote: »That's understandable. And perhaps he is just after sex. But then again, one could argue that men going into their 30s and 40s generally play the field a bit less than younger guys.
Either way, you said he seems a nice guy and all he's done is ask you out for dinner. If he was making it clear he's only after one thing I could understand your reticience. However, being nice and asking you out to dinner is how anyone with good intentions will start out getting to know you, so unless you want to spend the rest of your life turning down future partners, just be careful you're not over-cautious with every potential suitor that comes your way.
Thanks for your reply. You're right, I need to be more positive. I will go on the date and I'll report back here as to how it goes
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Opinions_welcomed wrote: »Female.
I got asked out to dinner by a 33 year old, I'm 23.
He seems like a nice guy, I've known him to see for a few months and he comes across well, although we've only spoken once or twice.
Well he asked me out and I'm conscious as to why. I'm wondering why a 33 year old man would want to go out with a 23 year old girl? Is he not concerned about getting stick off his mates, or is he just looking for sex?
I definitely am not prepared to ask him what his intentions are as that will be very off putting, but then again I do not know how I will be able to tell.
In his texts he has mentioned various places that he would like to take me for dinner some time. I don't know if that's just talk to butter me up though?
Would anyone have an opinion on this? I would have thought a relationship with a girl who is 10 years younger than you would generally be frowned upon.
I'm 33 and just so you know, men my age are mostly attracted to younger girls. Why? They are more attractive, usually slimmer, more dainty, more fun, full of optimism, have less baggage, and are not looking to have babies or obsessed with marriage.
Best age is 22-26
younger girls rock 0 -
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I've spoken to a friend of mine about this recently, as he is 31 and just come out of a relationship with a 21 year old.
My husband is only 5 years older than me and I have to admit that when I started seeing him, I had a certain amount of subconscious respect for his maturity. I maybe agreed to things because I trusted that he knew a little bit better. It wasn't because he's a domineering person, in fact he is quite passive, but I think I may have been a bit submissive to his age.
My friends girlfriend was great and really fun to be around (tbh I'm really going to miss her) but I always got the feeling she was going along with some things that we said or did for the same reasons as above. For example, my friend saw one future for the relationship which she verbally agreed with but it was ultimately the reason for their separation.
Obviously you're not going to be thinking that far ahead at this stage, but I thought I might throw my two cents in as it's something that's come up recently.
Bottom line is- know your own mind and what you want, and age is irrelevant. Don't just get carried along or you will later regret things...0 -
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I think perhaps your problem is you have a very immature social stigma image in your head of a 33 year old, or anyone in their thirties. My fiance will be 30 early next year, and I am still in my mid 20s. Granted, the age gap isn't that big, but trust me - when you are a few years older (ie over the 25 mark), youll realise how close 30 is to 20 :P
He likely listened to the same music, watched the same TV shows, remembers the same historical and cultural incidents of the time and will have been brought up in a similar manner to you. I found that all of the men I dated my own age over the past few years were horrid immature, and had this awful notion of how best to deal with a woman in a relationship. Older men, in general (Im aware there are bound to be exceptions) are more mature, respectful, independant, culturally diverse and open to different things and levels of relationships.
I have never been asked out to dinner by a 23 year old. In fact, no man my own age that I have went out with has invited me out to dinner! In my experience, the ulterior motive usually coincides with meeting in a pub or some other neutral, crowded area where talking is difficult, but loosening you up is not
To be honest, he sounds like he might be quite charming! 0 -
ShaShaBear wrote: »I think perhaps your problem is you have a very immature social stigma image in your head of a 33 year old, or anyone in their thirties.
I found that all of the men I dated my own age over the past few years were horrid immature, and had this awful notion of how best to deal with a woman in a relationship. Older men, in general (Im aware there are bound to be exceptions) are more mature, respectful, independant, culturally diverse and open to different things and levels of relationships.
OP here.
I apologise to those who took offense. Explaining myself clearly isn't quite my forte!
ShaShaBear - I could have written that myself. I am delighted that he asked me out. I don't have a problem with the age at all, apologies if it came across that way. Like yourself, I'd much rather date an older man as I find men my age to be immature.
I think I know what my problem is - I am expecting the worst and am making assumptions which is unfair - solely because I am afraid of been hurt. As others have said - just relax and go on the date which is what I plan on doing. My problem was - I was of the mindset that the age gap was too big hence there must have been an ulterior motive - which I now realise is not the case.
It doesn't even look like the date will go ahead now anyway as he seems to have cut contact (haven't heard from him in over a week) or is simple "playing the game". And to those who might say "text him!" - my answer is no. I always find myself sending the last text where I might ask a question to which he just leaves me in limbo. Perhaps he was only after an ego boost who knows.0 -
OP here.
I apologise to those who took offense. Explaining myself clearly isn't quite my forte!
ShaShaBear - I could have written that myself. I am delighted that he asked me out. I don't have a problem with the age at all, apologies if it came across that way. Like yourself, I'd much rather date an older man as I find men my age to be immature.
I think I know what my problem is - I am expecting the worst and am making assumptions which is unfair - solely because I am afraid of been hurt. As others have said - just relax and go on the date which is what I plan on doing. My problem was - I was of the mindset that the age gap was too big hence there must have been an ulterior motive - which I now realise is not the case.
It doesn't even look like the date will go ahead now anyway as he seems to have cut contact (haven't heard from him in over a week) or is simple "playing the game". And to those who might say "text him!" - my answer is no. I always find myself sending the last text where I might ask a question to which he just leaves me in limbo. Perhaps he was only after an ego boost who knows.
Its possible he's busy, or may have gotten the impression that you weren't that interested. I would suggest a quick how are you text, just to see if he responds. If its a case that he's giving you space because he thinks you're not interested, he'll likely jump on the opportunity. If he's playing games/cutting contact, he'll likely not answer, at least not within the day. But I would honestly find it very odd that a man of that age would still be up to teenage tricks!
I get the feeling you might be very like me, so I suggest the casual text, simply because if you don't, in another week or two you'll be head-wrecked wondering if you put him off by being cool about the date over not wanting to get your feelings hurt, or that if you had texted him soon after you stopped talking it would look less weird, and what if, and I can't text him now because its been too long and I dont want to look desperate. Even try something like "Hey, hows things? Myself and a couple of girlfriends are looking to head out to dinner, what was the name of that place that you mentioned to me the other day?" Its not in any real way related to your date with him, but gives him the opportunity to answer you in two ways - cool and uninterested or warm and positively interested.0 -
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Ok, this thread is in danger of turning into a general discussion on Irish Men V Rest of the World. So I think we'll leave it there. OP, you seem to have gotten what you asked for from the thread, and your issue has been resolved - even if it wasn't a satisfactory end.
If at any time in the future you need the thread reopened to ask further advice on this matter, please contact any of the PI Mods, who will be happy to help.
All the best,
Big Bag of Chips
Edit: The Corinthian has been in touch to point out that his friend isn't Irish.... So playing silly games isn't the sole preserve of Irish men 0
This discussion has been closed.
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