one night stand...feel bad

LegacyUser

im 28. im 7 months out of a long term relationship (5 years!). the other night, i had an "unexpected night out". went to meet a girlfriend for a coffee in the evening, we ended up drinking instead, and then this lead to a full on night out. i wasnt even dolled up. i dont go out drinking that much. the last time was about a month ago, and before that was february!
i havent been with a guy since my relationship ended. not even for a casual date!

anyway, the other night, i ended up bringing a guy home! very out of character for me. but the next morning (yesterday), we chatted and got to know eachother properly a little. he left about 2 hours after we woke up, and he took my number and gave me his. he seems like a really nice guy, and he's cute, and would like if he did contact me again!
what are a guys view on this??

we had a lot of fun the other night, and got on really well when we were talking (sober), we were both really drunk the night before tho!!

ive been out of the dating game i suppose you'd call it, for 5 and half years and i dont have a clue what things are like! i feel bad because a one night stand is so out of character for me. its not something i do, and im afraid that this guy will think it is something i do all the time! if he doesnt contact me, it will be a blow, but do guys contact girls they meet on a drunken night out (especially after sleeping with them)??

when should this guy text me? if i dont hear from him by tomorrow, should i text him??? i dont want to seem desperate, and im thinking if he liked me, he would text me. but how soon should he text me??? or should i even expect to hear anything from him?
i know i might sound really old fashioned, but im just not used to this at all. any kind of opinions much appreciated!!

CaraMay

Why are you so focussed on him? He also had a one night stand with you. Would you like to be with someone who has one night stands? Did you like him enough to meet again.? Are you ready to start dating again?

You need to focus on what you think of him and what you want out of this more than what he wants. Dating can be cruel and one night stands regularly turn into nothing but there is always the exception.

Advice for dating in 2013 - be choosy and worry more about what you want and think rather than what they do. Be your own no1

He took your number. If he wants to see you again he will be in touch.

judgefudge

Hey. I met my current boyfriend that way. After I left his house I sent him a text a few hours later and the rest is history. If you like him get in touch. Don't sit round waiting on him. If he's not interested in more it will become apparent pretty quickly anyway.

Good luck

P.S. I don't think it looks desperate for you to get in touch first. I mean you did just sleep with him. And if he thinks you're desperate he's too immature for you anyway

Czarcasm

outofthegame2013 wrote: »

im 28. im 7 months out of a long term relationship (5 years!). the other night, i had an "unexpected night out". went to meet a girlfriend for a coffee in the evening, we ended up drinking instead, and then this lead to a full on night out. i wasnt even dolled up. i dont go out drinking that much. the last time was about a month ago, and before that was february!
i havent been with a guy since my relationship ended. not even for a casual date!

anyway, the other night, i ended up bringing a guy home! very out of character for me. but the next morning (yesterday), we chatted and got to know eachother properly a little. he left about 2 hours after we woke up, and he took my number and gave me his. he seems like a really nice guy, and he's cute, and would like if he did contact me again!
what are a guys view on this??

Everyone is going to have different views on the situation OP, but my own personal view on it says you're very much still in the game and more power to you tbh!

ive been out of the dating game i suppose you'd call it, for 5 and half years and i dont have a clue what things are like!

Things haven't changed at all OP, still plenty of opportunities for missed communication opportunities, crossed wires, mixed signals, dashed hopes, elevated hopes, and every so often you click with someone and everything's all good.

i feel bad because a one night stand is so out of character for me. its not something i do, and im afraid that this guy will think it is something i do all the time!

There's no need to beat yourself up about it. As you've clearly seen yourself it can be fun, a LOT of fun by the sounds of how your night went in fairness!

You shouldn't feel bad about something that made you feel so good!

What really matters more here is what YOU think OP. If a guy thinks less of you because he had just much fun, then that's hardly the sort of hypocrite you'd want to have a relationship with surely?

if he doesnt contact me, it will be a blow, but do guys contact girls they meet on a drunken night out (especially after sleeping with them)??

Of course they do OP, and vice versa too- most girls aren't afraid to pick up the phone and ask how is the guy fixed for meeting up for coffee and a chat during the week. You've already seen each other naked, asking would he like to meet for coffee should be a walk in the park!

when should this guy text me? if i dont hear from him by tomorrow, should i text him??? i dont want to seem desperate, and im thinking if he liked me, he would text me. but how soon should he text me??? or should i even expect to hear anything from him?

The only person who can answer all these
questions OP is the guy you clicked with in the bar the other night, took him home and shared a fun filled night with him, and then spent two hours chatting with him the next morning. Picking up the phone and giving him a call won't make you "seem" desperate. Would giving him a call to meet up for a coffee not seem like the mature thing to do? You're both adults right?

i know i might sound really old fashioned, but im just not used to this at all. any kind of opinions much appreciated!!

I hate that "old fashioned" vs "modern" or "open minded" nonsense just because a person isn't into something. No need to be so quick to label yourself OP, I'm a lot older than you are and one night stands are certainly not a modern concept. Neither is being discreet, nor for some people feeling the need to boast about their sex life. That's only my opinion though

Lorna123

I would let him contact you OP because men prefer that at the initial stages at least. You have no reason to start panicking and texting him. If he doesn't contact you it means he has other fish to fry. Don't beat yourself up over your one night stand, we have all been there and lived to think nothing of it in the end. I would not make a habit of it though but I know from your post that this isn't your style.

Czarcasm

Lorna123 wrote: »

I would let him contact you OP because men prefer that at the initial stages at least. You have no reason to start panicking and texting him. If he doesn't contact you it means he has other fish to fry. Don't beat yourself up over your one night stand, we have all been there and lived to think nothing of it in the end. I would not make a habit of it though but I know from your post that this isn't your style.

We do?

Tbh Lorna that's the sort of mental mind fcukery that'd melt my brain anyway. It shouldn't be encouraged when it comes to relationships and dating in particular to see either sex as different from the other or generalise, stereotype, and think either sex thinks with a hive mind.

Every person is an individual and no two people will ever think exactly the same, so "men think this way" or "women think that way", that could send the OP arseways and leave her even more confused tbh!

knucklehead6

Lorna123 wrote: »

I would let him contact you OP because men prefer that at the initial stages at least.

No, no we don't. If a woman contacts me first I'm quite flattered.

Lorna123 wrote: »

You have no reason to start panicking and texting him. If he doesn't contact you it means he has other fish to fry. Don't beat yourself up over your one night stand, we have all been there and lived to think nothing of it in the end. I would not make a habit of it though but I know from your post that this isn't your style.

If you like the guy, text him. Feck it, use webtext if you're afraid of the cost!! :-)

What do you have to lose?? You like this guy, drop him a text later on. If he replies great, if not, you'll know not to be wondering about it.

Meauldsegosha

OP I agree with the above two posters if you like this guy text him. All that nonsense about men like to make the first move is just that nonsense.

And whatever happens you enjoyed the night and had a good time so no harm, no foul.

I'm female by the way.

Irish_Elect_Eng

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

OP I agree with the above two posters if you like this guy text him. All that nonsense about men like to make the first move is just that nonsense.

And whatever happens you enjoyed the night and had a good time so no harm, no foul.

I'm female by the way.

+1

Remember, it's only a "one night stand" if neither of you pick up the phone and make it into a relationship :-) If you pick up the phone, don't wait for him, and all goes well then it could turn out to have been teh best night of your life :-)))

Lorna123

Czarcasm wrote: »

We do?

Tbh Lorna that's the sort of mental mind fcukery that'd melt my brain anyway. It shouldn't be encouraged when it comes to relationships and dating in particular to see either sex as different from the other or generalise, stereotype, and think either sex thinks with a hive mind.

Every person is an individual and no two people will ever think exactly the same, so "men think this way" or "women think that way", that could send the OP arseways and leave her even more confused tbh!

It's a fact, men and women are different, equal but different. We are all individuals but men don't think like women. The OP will make up her own mind what she wants to do, we are only here to give opinions !

Czarcasm

Lorna123 wrote: »

It's a fact, men and women are different, equal but different. We are all individuals but men don't think like women. The OP will make up her own mind what she wants to do, we are only here to give opinions !

You're generalising Lorna. Without wishing to drag the thread off topic but that sort of "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars" pop psychology is only relevant when you want to write bestsellers for insecure people to validate their own reasons why they can't get a date.

It's because they assume by default that men and women are different species, when at the end of the day we are all merely human beings who graduate to those people with whom we share a common bond, whether they be a man or a woman. This "men and women are different" is only useful when comparing physical sexual characteristics, and ignores the largest sexual organ in the human body- the mind, which encompasses and allows for a broad spectrum of sexuality and interactions with our fellow human beings.

The OP comes here for advice on her particular situation, not misleading generalisations, so it's best to try and see the situation from her point of view rather than our own biased perspectives.

Lorna123

Czarcasm wrote: »

You're generalising Lorna. Without wishing to drag the thread off topic but that sort of "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars" pop psychology is only relevant when you want to write bestsellers for insecure people to validate their own reasons why they can't get a date.

It's because they assume by default that men and women are different species, when at the end of the day we are all merely human beings who graduate to those people with whom we share a common bond, whether they be a man or a woman. This "men and women are different" is only useful when comparing physical sexual characteristics, and ignores the largest sexual organ in the human body- the mind, which encompasses and allows for a broad spectrum of sexuality and interactions with our fellow human beings.

The OP comes here for advice on her particular situation, not misleading generalisations, so it's best to try and see the situation from her point of view rather than our own biased perspectives.

I happen to think that men think differently to women whether you do or not. I can only advise the OP based on my perspective and nobody else's so let her decide what advice she wants to take or leave. She is here for opinions so why not base your opinions on what she says rather than on attacking what I say.

LegacyUser

WOW! feel so much better bout the whole thing!!! i felt a bit dirty from the whole situation, but after readin all the replies, i actually feel fine about it now. its not as if im at it every weekend!!! thanks everyone.

i think i am ready to start dating again anyway. ive been feeling a bit lonely anyway lately. but i would definitely like to keep things going slow.

and actually since i posted this, he actually text me . so i feel even better. its been a text conversation for a few hours now! im actually not good at text conversations, they kind of annoy me sometimes, unless i know the person well. but i want to keep the conversation going too!!
now hes not really asking me questions, just kind of like small talk!! but we seem to get eachother anyway!

i do believe that it shouldnt be the man doing all the work with these things, but now im actually in the situation, im like "oh crap!!" easier said than done! lol! but it is something im goin to practice at anyway

judgefudge

outofthegame2013 wrote: »

WOW! feel so much better bout the whole thing!!! i felt a bit dirty from the whole situation, but after readin all the replies, i actually feel fine about it now. its not as if im at it every weekend!!! thanks everyone.

i think i am ready to start dating again anyway. ive been feeling a bit lonely anyway lately. but i would definitely like to keep things going slow.

and actually since i posted this, he actually text me . so i feel even better. its been a text conversation for a few hours now! im actually not good at text conversations, they kind of annoy me sometimes, unless i know the person well. but i want to keep the conversation going too!!
now hes not really asking me questions, just kind of like small talk!! but we seem to get eachother anyway!

i do believe that it shouldnt be the man doing all the work with these things, but now im actually in the situation, im like "oh crap!!" easier said than done! lol! but it is something im goin to practice at anyway

Great to hear! Hope it goes well.

Honestly when I was younger I let the man do all the work but in the last few years I've just thought "fck it" and gone for it if I've liked someone. It nearly always worked out and when it didnt I didn't even feel bad. At least I'd tried.

It's strangely liberating not to sit around waiting to hear from guys. Anyways point is in the future if you like someone just go for it!

knucklehead6

Good to hear OP!! You might want to change the title though.... Maybe "Potential Relationship.... Feel great" might suit!! ;-)

Czarcasm

Fantastic stuff OP! As you say though, if the texting gets irksome- change it up, don't be afraid to be assertive and take the initiative to inquire would he like to meet up for a coffee or some such during the week, keeping the momentum moving forward.

I find sometimes the texting and the facebook and e-mail etc can sometimes create a distance in the early stages of a possible relationship that can sometimes lead to getting stuck in the friendzone.

otto_26

Lorna123 wrote: »

I would let him contact you OP because men prefer that at the initial stages at least. You have no reason to start panicking and texting him. If he doesn't contact you it means he has other fish to fry. Don't beat yourself up over your one night stand, we have all been there and lived to think nothing of it in the end. I would not make a habit of it though but I know from your post that this isn't your style.

OP In my experience in life do not take advice above.. I'm a guy and would love if a girl contacted me first in your situation. If you texted me first I wouldn't see it as you panicking or being desperate I would see it as you having confidence which is a huge turn on.

In my experiences in life I have met women and men that both think about things in life in the same way and some in different ways: meaning everyone is different

Lorna123

Posters are entitled to offer their advice as long as it does not breach forum charter. Please do not police the advice posters are offering. If you have an issue with a post or poster in terms of their advice, use the report function.

Lorna123

outofthegame2013 wrote: »

WOW! feel so much better bout the whole thing!!! i felt a bit dirty from the whole situation, but after readin all the replies, i actually feel fine about it now. its not as if im at it every weekend!!! thanks everyone.

i think i am ready to start dating again anyway. ive been feeling a bit lonely anyway lately. but i would definitely like to keep things going slow.

and actually since i posted this, he actually text me . so i feel even better. its been a text conversation for a few hours now! im actually not good at text conversations, they kind of annoy me sometimes, unless i know the person well. but i want to keep the conversation going too!!
now hes not really asking me questions, just kind of like small talk!! but we seem to get eachother anyway!

i do believe that it shouldnt be the man doing all the work with these things, but now im actually in the situation, im like "oh crap!!" easier said than done! lol! but it is something im goin to practice at anyway

Delighted to see that he texted you first and that this makes you feel better.

Ickle Magoo

Lorna123 wrote: »

Posters are entitled to offer their advice as long as it does not breach forum charter. Please do not police the advice posters are offering. If you have an issue with a post or poster in terms of their advice, use the report function.

Suggest you take your own advice rather than citing a moderator instruction and indulging in back-seat modding. Infracted.

Lorna123

This is so unfair. Where were you Ickle Magoo when others were doing that to me ?

Why didn't you warn the others the way you are now warning me ???

Ickle Magoo

Lorna123, while disagreeing with others advice while offering constructive advice is not, arguing moderator action on thread is against site rules and can earn you a ban from this forum.

I suggest you read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter before posting again.

Many thanks.

As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread