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Unhappy Life

  • 16-05-2013 9:04am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I'm feeling so down right now. In fact, I haven't ever (as far as I can remember) felt truly content or happy. I actually cannot recall a time when I felt good.

    I'm a 30 yr old, married woman. I'm overweight, and have been for 8 years. That gets me down, (mainly because I've tried and failed at every diet/healthy eating plan known to humankind). I know how to eat properly, but I just don't, because I binge eat cos I'm so unhappy.

    Also, my husband doesn't make me happy. We're together for 11 years. I feel we've become incompatible.

    My life just stinks, and I don't feel it's going to get any better. As the years go by, it feels like my life just gets worse and worse...

    I've been on antidepressants in the past, and I also attended a counsellor who was fantastic, but that I can't afford now.



    Any thoughts/advice appreciated.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    virtual hug, op.

    first, you need to set some wheels in motion. so i'd advise you to go to your GP, explain exactly how you feel, explain if the anti depressants and councelling worked before, explain about the binge eating and see what they advise you. they may repeat that course of action if they think it might help. you can avail of councelling free of charge but of course there's a waiting list, but once you're on that list i guarantee that the simple act of doing something about your situation is going to make you feel better. some councellors also work on a 'what you can afford' basis too, your GP will have suggestions for the best ones in your area.

    healthy eating and especially emotional eating is a hard slog isn't it? while you wait for a councelling appointment you could try things like distracting yourself when you feel the need for a binge coming on. recognise the feelings that trigger the need to over feed yourself, and train yourself that these are just emotions, you don't have to act on them. i know i used to binge when i was bored a lot. boredom in my head exacorbated the unhappiness.

    do you have any hobbies you used to enjoy that you could re-connect with? i've found when i'm slipping down the slide of eating for the sake of it i try and get out for a walk, drink more water, busy my hands in some way. look through cookery websites or pinterest or something like that for recipe ideas, plan healthy meals for the week and stick to that when i go grocery shopping. then the only snack foods i allow in the house are fresh fruit and veg, healthy treats like rice cakes, low fat cheeses, yadda yadda. if there isn't fattening things in the house like cake, sweets, biscuits or crisps then you can't eat them!

    have you tried weight watchers or slimming world? they're great for getting you out of the house and into a supportive environment. you don't need to make friends with everyone there or even talk to anyone else there to feel a sense of comeraderie i find. everyone there is for the same goal and i found i was looking forward to the meetings every week. some of the people there buddied up and found walking partners, you could try that?

    that's the third thing, you need to have something to look forward to. plan something. sitting in an unhappy life watching the years fly past you can sometimes make you feel like you're not in control of things. time to press pause, and steer things the way YOU'D like them to go. have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? how does he feel about the state of your relationship? do you make plans together?

    this might sound harsh, but binge eating and staying in the rut isn't going bring whatever issues you two are having out in the open, it's only going to push your unhappy feelings further down inside you and make you feel worse in the long run. you can't rely on him to 'make' you happy, only you are in control of that. two people need to be emotionally invested in the relationship for it to work though, so if one of you aren't pulling your weight that needs to be discussed and brought out in the open.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 38 bob_sponge


    Hi, if you feel very unhappy in yourself I don't think there is too much your husband can do to make you happy. It has to come from you. I've been overweight and I know how crappy it can make you feel but there is only one person who can do anything about it....you!

    The health and fitness forum on boards is very good. I also found myfitnesspal brilliant. The knowledge I've gleaned from both of these sources has transformed the way I eat. Exercise is great for improving mood too, I find when I exercise that I'm far less likely to eat rubbish and undo all my hard work.

    The evenings are nice and long now and it's very pleasant to get out and about. I don't know how overweight you are but start lightly, perhaps by walking and see if it helps.

    Even the fact of deciding on an action plan should make a difference. Perhaps when you feel better about yourself you will be able to see your situation more clearly. I find relationships to be quite cyclical, they have ups and downs, when you're up you don't remember the down and vice versa. You're 30 years old, there is no reason why life won't get any better. I wish you the best OP.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5 Ben_Fica


    Hi,

    I'm feeling so down right now. In fact, I haven't ever (as far as I can remember) felt truly content or happy. I actually cannot recall a time when I felt good.

    I'm a 30 yr old, married woman. I'm overweight, and have been for 8 years. That gets me down, (mainly because I've tried and failed at every diet/healthy eating plan known to humankind). I know how to eat properly, but I just don't, because I binge eat cos I'm so unhappy.

    Also, my husband doesn't make me happy. We're together for 11 years. I feel we've become incompatible.

    My life just stinks, and I don't feel it's going to get any better. As the years go by, it feels like my life just gets worse and worse...

    I've been on antidepressants in the past, and I also attended a counsellor who was fantastic, but that I can't afford now.



    Any thoughts/advice appreciated.


    Hi,

    I would recommend trying to find out the reason why you've never felt happy. Try and stripe back the layers and get to the root of the problem and rebuild yourself back up.

    You have to accept responsibility for yourself. I know that sounds harsh and I'm sorry if it comes across that way but honestly the sooner you accept responsibilty the more control you feel you have over yourself.

    Start back eating healthy and doing some excercise. Accept responsibilty for what you eat and the excercise you do. You know how to do it and what to do so do it.

    Does your husband know that he doesn't make you happy? Have you told him and explained to him how you feel?

    As regards a counsellor how about joining or going to a local libary and having a look around the self help aisle and seeing if there's anything that appeals to you?

    Sorry if what I'm saying appears harsh because I'm not trying to be. If you ever need a chat feel free to PM me.

    All the best and take care.


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