Girl is unsure, now I'm unsure

LegacyUser

Hi, be interested to hear thoughts on this one.

Been seeing a girl for around 3 months, it's going great. She's fun to be around, attractive, similar interests, all that. We see each other once or twice a week and chat/text almost every day. I'd be hoping this goes somewhere good.

With that in mind, I brought up at the weekend the idea of us going official or whatever you want to call it and told her I'd be really happy if she was my girlfriend. Hard to put yourself out there so when she didn't jump at the chance it was a bit of a let-down. She said she was really enjoying seeing me but she didn't want to take any other step yet. She hasn't been in a serious relationship before so she said she didn't feel ready. I feel we pretty much act like a couple around each other already but I thought that her explanation was fair enough and just let it slide for now.

That was fine until I was talking my best mate the next day and he had the opinion that if she won't make it official, there's a good chance she's not that interested and is just stringing me along? As it is I do most of the setting up dates, getting in contact etc. She is a good-looking girl and I know she gets asked out a lot so he thinks that all she's doing is keeping herself open for other options. I don't really agree as I don't think she's that kind of person but I am a bit unsure. Should I back off a bit and see if she's actually interested?

We're both mid 20s by the way.

LegacyUser

Kenny55 wrote: »

Hi, be interested to hear thoughts on this one.

Been seeing a girl for around 3 months, it's going great. She's fun to be around, attractive, similar interests, all that. We see each other once or twice a week and chat/text almost every day. I'd be hoping this goes somewhere good.

With that in mind, I brought up at the weekend the idea of us going official or whatever you want to call it and told her I'd be really happy if she was my girlfriend. Hard to put yourself out there so when she didn't jump at the chance it was a bit of a let-down. She said she was really enjoying seeing me but she didn't want to take any other step yet. She hasn't been in a serious relationship before so she said she didn't feel ready. I feel we pretty much act like a couple around each other already but I thought that her explanation was fair enough and just let it slide for now.

That was fine until I was talking my best mate the next day and he had the opinion that if she won't make it official, there's a good chance she's not that interested and is just stringing me along? As it is I do most of the setting up dates, getting in contact etc. She is a good-looking girl and I know she gets asked out a lot so he thinks that all she's doing is keeping herself open for other options. I don't really agree as I don't think she's that kind of person but I am a bit unsure. Should I back off a bit and see if she's actually interested?

We're both mid 20s by the way.

No don't back off just yet. Tbh I'd be the same- a little bit slow to label someone a bf as there's obv an element of commitment thereafter and making it official comes with the possibility of a break up later.

You must have some idea as to whether she feels some connection too?

Id broach the subject in a month and if she's still not keen, then be upfront with her and tell her your looking for something a bit more and if she's not interested in that then it might be time to move on. It might be the push she needs and I suspect now that you've asked her out, itl play on her mind anyway and shel know that her time is limited in that she needs to make a decision to make or break.

But just to reiterate- I can definitely relate to her and it may be more of a commitment fear than lack of actual interest. And sometimes people just need a gentle push in the right direction- or at least to be made aware of what their going to lose.

strobe

I think you need to ask her what kind of relationship she see the two of you as currently having.

The only real difference between your relationship now and if the two of you 'made it official' would be an agreement of exclusivity between the two of you, that you were agreeing you were happy with each other and not open to finding or looking for someone else.

If one person is opposed to 'making it official' then the reason is they don't want that difference to exist. They want to remain open to dating, sleeping with, or starting a relationship with other people.

The reasons for that can vary but that's the crux of the thing.

So I think you need to make a decision here, are you happy to continue in what is essentially a temporary open relationship. Enjoy the good parts while it lasts with the understanding that she still considers herself available should someone else come along, while you do the same? Some people are perfectly happy to have these kind of relationships with people, I have done myself and was happy to do so. But for many more people it would be a recipe for unhappiness. Which do you think you are?

If not then you need to let her know that you are not comfortable with that kind of relationship, would like to be in a 'proper' relationship with her, but if she isn't interested in that then you think it would be best if you both went your separate ways to avoid either of you getting hurt down the line.

Best of luck.

miamee

Kenny55 wrote: »

Hi, be interested to hear thoughts on this one.

Been seeing a girl for around 3 months, it's going great. She's fun to be around, attractive, similar interests, all that. We see each other once or twice a week and chat/text almost every day. I'd be hoping this goes somewhere good.

With that in mind, I brought up at the weekend the idea of us going official or whatever you want to call it and told her I'd be really happy if she was my girlfriend. Hard to put yourself out there so when she didn't jump at the chance it was a bit of a let-down. She said she was really enjoying seeing me but she didn't want to take any other step yet. She hasn't been in a serious relationship before so she said she didn't feel ready. I feel we pretty much act like a couple around each other already but I thought that her explanation was fair enough and just let it slide for now.

That was fine until I was talking my best mate the next day and he had the opinion that if she won't make it official, there's a good chance she's not that interested and is just stringing me along? As it is I do most of the setting up dates, getting in contact etc. She is a good-looking girl and I know she gets asked out a lot so he thinks that all she's doing is keeping herself open for other options. I don't really agree as I don't think she's that kind of person but I am a bit unsure. Should I back off a bit and see if she's actually interested?

We're both mid 20s by the way.

Is it possible that she has not had sex before or had many intimate encounters? She may be a bit fearful of that element of being someone's gf - unless you are already sleeping together? If that's the case, it may be the fear of commitment as others have said.

CaraMay

If I were sleeping her then I would want to know if she were sleeping with others at the same time.