Don't think I fit in in work :(

skinny_guy

I've been working in an office job for the past 7 weeks but I feel I don't fit in. At lunch time I sit with the lads but they talk about sport 90% of the time. I have no interest in it so I don't really have any input on their conversations. I also suffer with social anxiety so it's hard enough to fit in. I dread lunch time the most because I have to sit there awkwardly and play with my phone. We do sometimes talk about other stuff but then it always goes back to sport. I feel so left out Is it normal to just not click with some people sometimes? I thought I was trying hard enough to get on with them but I don't wanna over do it either. It just seems desperate.

On another note, the job itself Im unsure of. I don't think sitting at a desk 9-5 is what I want. I'd prefer to be something more creative. I've only started to learn this the passed few weeks. This job I'm doing at the minute is an internship and Im not sure if its what I want to continue doing. Then again I'm not sure if its just because Im having such a hard time fitting in that's the problem.

Passenger

Is it possible to leave the office at lunch time and maybe go for food or some fresh air? It's probably not the healthiest to be stuck in an office for 8 hours, OP and it would be good to get outside for a while during the day.

Lorna123

skinny_guy wrote: »

I've been working in an office job for the past 7 weeks but I feel I don't fit in. At lunch time I sit with the lads but they talk about sport 90% of the time. I have no interest in it so I don't really have any input on their conversations. I also suffer with social anxiety so it's hard enough to fit in. I dread lunch time the most because I have to sit there awkwardly and play with my phone. We do sometimes talk about other stuff but then it always goes back to sport. I feel so left out Is it normal to just not click with some people sometimes? I thought I was trying hard enough to get on with them but I don't wanna over do it either. It just seems desperate.

On another note, the job itself Im unsure of. I don't think sitting at a desk 9-5 is what I want. I'd prefer to be something more creative. I've only started to learn this the passed few weeks. This job I'm doing at the minute is an internship and Im not sure if its what I want to continue doing. Then again I'm not sure if its just because Im having such a hard time fitting in that's the problem.

These people are all new to you and it is normal to feel a bit inadequate when you have to make conversation with people who know one another and who you don't have much in common with. So don't worry about that. Yes, do try and get out at lunchtime just to go for a walk and a bit of fresh air. It would be much better for you. You could just have your lunch with them and just say "right, see you later lads, I'm off for a walk". That is perfectly acceptable.

Don't judge your career on this one internship, the next job you get will be much more interesting. It's a pity you are not enjoying this experience but don't give up, there are better times ahead. Just treat this job as part of your course. There will be lots of opportunities when you have completed it. The job is just temporary so learn as much as you can from it and realize that you are preparing for better things. Best of Luck.

Koptain Liverpool

Hey OP,

A lot of guys are interested in sports so the conversation often revolves around that especially when guys might not be good conversationalists otherwise. I'm sure they'd engage in chat with you about TV shows, new movies, the news etc if you brought these things up sometimes.

It takes a while for people to get comfortable with others in new surroundings so don't be too hard on yourself. If you find yourself fiddling with your phone etc then bring a newspaper or magazine to browse over at lunch (but don't overdo it and focus solely on reading - you have to make some effort to chat).

In order to get to know coworkers better it can be good to do things outside of work. So for example you could suggest going to see a new movie after work someday. And maybe grab pizza or a burrito before the cinema. Send an email around if you'd be nervous making such suggestions in front of the group. People do this in my office and it usually results in groups of them heading off to do things

If your efforts to chat and/or do things don't meet a good response (which would surprise me) then just do your own thing on lunch as others have said.

mathproblem

Have you tried telling them that you don't see the point in sports. Not to try to hijack the conversation or blurt out unnaturally or anything like that but at an appropriate time just to divulge more about yourself. I could well imagine having a conversation with a coworker where i am going on about the latest match & he replies that he doesn't care much for it, cant see the point of a bunch of lads chasing a ball etc & much prefers... tiddly winks(is that a sport?)/Star trek/computers/comic books/travelling/history/cooking..etc etc.. then we can talk about that stuff & any of it we have in common.

like someone said above just relax and let it come about a bit more naturally where you get to know each other a bit more, i feel you are a bit anxious in the moment while you're sitting with them, brooding about having nothing to chime in with.. just relax about it all and when you do feel you've a contribution to make get stuck in.. don't force it. If you are being a bit anxious like that most people will pick up on it, but most people are nice enough to let you come forward at your own pace too.

wallycharlo

Passenger wrote: »

Is it possible to leave the office at lunch time and maybe go for food or some fresh air? It's probably not the healthiest to be stuck in an office for 8 hours, OP and it would be good to get outside for a while during the day.

+1

Personally I never sit with my colleagues at lunchtime, I always head out on my own. Nothing to do with not liking them, but I personally like the down-time to myself. Not saying that you should do this, but more suggesting that you should not be worried about doing this if you so wish. Nobody will think any less of you, it will just become accepted as you doing your own thing.

SebBerkovich

wallycharlo wrote: »

+1

Personally I never sit with my colleagues at lunchtime, I always head out on my own. Nothing to do with not liking them, but I personally like the down-time to myself. Not saying that you should do this, but more suggesting that you should not be worried about doing this if you so wish. Nobody will think any less of you, it will just become accepted as you doing your own thing.

agreed - thats how i survive the 9 to 5. I've got a few local coffee shops that i pop into and read during lunch. i'd probably go a little crazy if i didn't have that hour out of the office every day.

Wanderer2010

OP, this is a very common issue. The fact is that most men are into some sort of sports so its going to form around 80-90% of the conversation when its time for a break and lunch etc. The most important thing is NOT to pretend you know about sports just to fit in. Been there, done that and it just doesnt work, people can cop it straight away. Best to be honest and if there is a match on and you happened to catch a few mins of it say so but dont elaborate. If you flat out dont watch any sports then try and steer the chat to a tv show, public event etc and if you dont get any feedback then maybe try to start the same topic with a few others in the office you are bound to find one or two people with common interests but if not, its good advice to head out for a walk for lunch and concentrate on social events outside of work. Good luck.