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Bad parenting

  • 14-05-2013 12:26PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,251 ✭✭✭


    I was watching a show on Channel 4 called "Skint" last night and there were some things on it that made me despair for the kids.

    One mother told her daughter that her farther didn't come around because he had a new baby and didn't care about her as result. I don't care how true it is I just couldn't see any justification to tell a child that. No matter how you felt about the partner.

    Another parent was screaming at her son and act like a child herself and was wondering why her son had no respect.

    One not on the show but I have seen and heard numerous times is parents referring to their child as their best friend. To me that is a really bad sign of parenting skills. Your child is not your best friend and never should be. It indicates to me the parent is not putting the correct barriers to protect their child from things they should never know. Your child is also going to have real best friends.

    Am I the only one who thinks a parent no matter what age the child should always have a parent child relationship?


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,187 ✭✭✭GeorgeBailey


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    Am I the only one who thinks a parent no matter what age the child should always have a parent child relationship?

    Yip. You're the only one. In the whole world. You're a snow-flake.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭HondaSami


    Ray Palmer wrote: »

    Am I the only one who thinks a parent no matter what age the child should always have a parent child relationship?

    It's changes as they get older, you are not going to treat a teenager the same way as you treat a 4yr old.
    Many parents and kids are best friends, it's nice to see as it happens imo.


  • Posts: 3,539 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    Am I the only one who thinks a parent no matter what age the child should always have a parent child relationship?
    When a child is grown up I think the barriers can dissolve, but while still a minor I'd agree that this "besties" attitude that some parents have is unhealthy.

    There are a good few yummy mummies in my area that seem to be more interested in getting their child to like them than in actually raising them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,439 ✭✭✭SunnyDub1


    It's a show/documentary - anything to get ratings.

    I watched it too and can safely say most of it was set up just like nearly everything on TV these days.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,060 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    One mother told her daughter that her farther didn't come around
    Farting father?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,408 ✭✭✭bbam


    Conversation overheard by a friend who is a teacher.

    6 year old girl:- " I have a new daddy"
    Her friend:- "whats his name, is he nice"
    6 year old:- "he's x and he's fun"
    Her friend:- " yea he's fun, he used to be my daddy"

    I died a bit inside when I heard this. It's a small town school, but it brought it home to me that the family unit is falling Appart and there is less and less understanding or willingness to be a family and how important it is to children.
    I know I sound prehistoric but this constant bed hopping behaviour and normalising it, is a downward spiral for our society. We are all worse off as a result.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,798 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    it indicates to me the parent is not putting the correct barriers to protect their child from things they should never know.

    Such as? Keeping secrets from teenagers is next to impossible, keeping secrets from older preteens is just as hard, and take it from me finding out that your parents are lying to you about something does irreparable damage to trust.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,430 ✭✭✭Ilik Urgee


    biko wrote: »
    Farting father?

    OP could be dutch.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Ray Palmer wrote: »

    Am I the only one who thinks a parent no matter what age the child should always have a parent child relationship?

    If I had a kid like some of those teenage lads on it last night, I'd flee the country.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,181 ✭✭✭Davidth88


    OP, that programme last night was distressing on so many levels.

    The woman with the teenage son, a good example of really bad parenting .

    The girl you were talking about , my take on it, she was 12 , her mother/step father had just had a newborn , and she was acting up at school and blamed the new born ...... what I saw , and of course C4 did their usual editing to make it look certain ways , the father was basically doing what he could, I reckon the production crew put that line ' into her mouth '.

    You have to remember C4 like their ' documentaries ' to be as sensational as possible , so they are edited as such. The teenage tearaway was certainly painted in a very bad light , as was his mother.

    The bit that distressed me was the casual nature of lawlessness throughout the programme , kids riding motorbikes ( 3 up ) ... the same motorbike most of the time , shoplifting was acceptable/ the way of life etc.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,089 ✭✭✭paddydriver


    biko wrote: »
    Farting father?

    My kids get great laugh from my farts:eek:.. although had a lot of salad at the weekend and they were not so friendly.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,089 ✭✭✭paddydriver


    OP... can I check do you have kids? ... Just asking; and don't mean anything from it.

    But responses to your perception of what you take from that programme could be very different on whether you have kids or not.

    Disclaimer: I didn't see the program but can only guess how bad it looked!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,251 ✭✭✭Ray Palmer


    HondaSami wrote: »
    It's changes as they get older, you are not going to treat a teenager the same way as you treat a 4yr old.
    Many parents and kids are best friends, it's nice to see as it happens imo.

    You don't think there is something strange about having two generations who can't have friends of their own generation?

    Later in life I guess it is possible but I would expect that there is still a parental divide. I can't imagine my mother as my best friend, she is my mother can't see how she could see me as anything but her son.

    The vast amount of times I have seen a parent refer to their child as their best friend they were single mothers through divorce, death etc.... I see it as an unhealthy thing for the mother to latch on to their child in the absence of a partner. Mostly it is to their daughter too.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I think when people talk about being friends with their kids they just mean having a good relationship where the child can be open and ask them anything without fear. I don't think many people want to go clubbing with their kids.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,678 ✭✭✭I Heart Internet


    bbam wrote: »
    I know I sound prehistoric but this constant bed hopping behaviour and normalising it, is a downward spiral for our society. We are all worse off as a result.

    True dat.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    Such as? Keeping secrets from teenagers is next to impossible, keeping secrets from older preteens is just as hard, and take it from me finding out that your parents are lying to you about something does irreparable damage to trust.

    Are you just after finding out that your old dog Spot wasn't actually adopted by an elderly couple?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,753 ✭✭✭davet82


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    Am I the only one who thinks a parent no matter what age the child should always have a parent child relationship?

    i'd have to disagree when it comes to breast feeding


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭HondaSami


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    You don't think there is something strange about having two generations who can't have friends of their own generation?

    Later in life I guess it is possible but I would expect that there is still a parental divide. I can't imagine my mother as my best friend, she is my mother can't see how she could see me as anything but her son.

    The vast amount of times I have seen a parent refer to their child as their best friend they were single mothers through divorce, death etc.... I see it as an unhealthy thing for the mother to latch on to their child in the absence of a partner. Mostly it is to their daughter too.

    I'm not saying parents should only be friends with their kids or vica versa.

    What is a best friend?, to me it's someone you trust and i would say parents trust their children.
    I'm sure it's not just single mothers who have close relationships with their daughters/sons.
    I think parents and kids become closer as the kids grown up and it's the way it should be don't you think?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    I agree that you shouldn't be best friends with your kid, but sometimes you are your child's best friend. My preschoolers tell me that I'm their best friend, and in their mind I am. I'm the one who is there every day, I bring them places, I facilitate their needs so to them I currently am the closest person to them.

    Now this will change as school starts and as they grow up.

    And then when they are older we will be closer again but in a different way.

    I won't be doing stuff for them as they grow up, and while I'll still be their parent, and their friend, I won't be their only friend.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,251 ✭✭✭Ray Palmer


    Davidth88 wrote: »

    The girl you were talking about , my take on it, she was 12 , her mother/step father had just had a newborn , and she was acting up at school and blamed the new born ...... what I saw ,
    .

    She wasn't talking about the parents she was with but her natural father and his child from what I understood. She was saying how he didn't come around anymore and the mother told him he no longer cared about her because he had a new child.

    Given they also just brought in a new child it makes it worse
    OP... can I check do you have kids? ... Just asking; and don't mean anything from it.
    No kids.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,181 ✭✭✭Davidth88


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    She wasn't talking about the parents she was with but her natural father and his child from what I understood. She was saying how he didn't come around anymore and the mother told him he no longer cared about her because he had a new child.

    Given they also just brought in a new child it makes it worse


    No kids.

    Possible .. I may have tuned out for a mo.......

    Anyway , you are right, the worst things I have seen is a mother who treat their teenage daughters as ' drinking buddies ' and basically cut the leash totally abdicating all responsibilty

    The reason for the bold , I have actually seen this happen , so I am not saying all mothers do this or anything like that :-)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Lando Griffin


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    One not on the show but I have seen and heard numerous times is parents referring to their child as their best friend.

    As a loving father, I find your take on this somewhat ob skewer.

    Every Sunday morning there is nothing better that watching your 2 year old bumping into things, building dangerous structures like a plastic chair on top of the couch, rolling a ball under their legs and bending over to see where its gone only to topple over, hence my 2 year old is like a "drunk best friend"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,846 ✭✭✭Fromthetrees


    As a loving father, I find your take on this somewhat ob skewer.

    Every Sunday morning there is nothing better that watching your 2 year old bumping into things, building dangerous structures like a plastic chair on top of the couch, rolling a ball under their legs and bending over to see where its gone only to topple over, hence my 2 year old is like a "drunk best friend"

    Yeah, my little one is nearly 4 now and we've spent a lot of time where it's just the two of us, she actually seems like a 'best friend' then, we go swimming or go to the cinema the way 'friends' do I guess, but being 'friends' doesn't mean I won't tell her it's time for bed, or give out to her if she's being bold.

    I can understand that it wouldn't be healthy or good to be saying lets go out drinking or do you have a spare fag but there always should be boundaries.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,744 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    I often see people screaming and roaring at their kids in the street, f-ing and blinding at children who are little more than toddlers, calling them all the names under the sun, putting them down, belittling them. How are these children supposed to grow up normal, and have proper lives, when the people who are supposed to love and care for them treat them like their worst enemies? It saddens me to the very core.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,779 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    I was watching a show on Channel 4 called "Skint" last night and there were some things on it that made me despair for the kids.

    One mother told her daughter that her farther didn't come around because he had a new baby and didn't care about her as result. I don't care how true it is I just couldn't see any justification to tell a child that. No matter how you felt about the partner.

    Another parent was screaming at her son and act like a child herself and was wondering why her son had no respect.

    One not on the show but I have seen and heard numerous times is parents referring to their child as their best friend. To me that is a really bad sign of parenting skills. Your child is not your best friend and never should be. It indicates to me the parent is not putting the correct barriers to protect their child from things they should never know. Your child is also going to have real best friends.

    Am I the only one who thinks a parent no matter what age the child should always have a parent child relationship?

    I don't see a problem as long as they're both adults.

    When younger, yes, I see your point - but at the same point you want a child to be able to both talk about anything and respectfully disagree.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    SunnyDub1 wrote: »
    It's a show/documentary - anything to get ratings.

    I watched it too and can safely say most of it was set up just like nearly everything on TV these days.
    Yes , C 4 more sensationalist crap .

    Once news gets around the run down neighbourhood that a camera crew is going to be filming in the area for a week or two the locals will oblige and crank up the anti-social behaviour , just what C 4 wants them to do .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,251 ✭✭✭Ray Palmer


    I don't see a problem as long as they're both adults.

    When younger, yes, I see your point - but at the same point you want a child to be able to both talk about anything and respectfully disagree.

    Part of it would be I doubt the child considers the parent a best friend. My mother in law treats my wife as a confidante and she hates it. Constantly telling her mother she doesn't want to hear it. Complaining about her father etc... It seemed nice when I was younger but as time has moved on it just comes across as sad.

    I would think a parent who considers their child their best friend isn't very adult or mature. I see it as stifling both parties. You should never complain to your child about the other parent no matter what age.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,404 ✭✭✭✭Turtyturd


    As a loving father, I find your take on this somewhat ob skewer.

    Every Sunday morning there is nothing better that watching your 2 year old bumping into things, building dangerous structures like a plastic chair on top of the couch, rolling a ball under their legs and bending over to see where its gone only to topple over, hence my 2 year old is like a "drunk best friend"

    This....plus they are like a combined work out buddy. The best work out I get these days is chasing him around the aisle in tesco putting back all the stuff he takes off the shelves. Or participating in wrestling matches with him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,798 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    Are you just after finding out that your old dog Spot wasn't actually adopted by an elderly couple?

    ...His name was Terry, and he's actually roaming wild on a lovely farm in Wexford right n..... Oh holy sh!t :eek::eek::eek:


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,744 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    Part of it would be I doubt the child considers the parent a best friend. My mother in law treats my wife as a confidante and she hates it. Constantly telling her mother she doesn't want to hear it. Complaining about her father etc... It seemed nice when I was younger but as time has moved on it just comes across as sad.

    I would think a parent who considers their child their best friend isn't very adult or mature. I see it as stifling both parties. You should never complain to your child about the other parent no matter what age.

    I don't think I'd see them as immature, I think I'd see them as probably having put their friends aside when they got married or when they had the kid, and now they have no-one, so they talk to the one person they have.

    My mother and I are friends now, but we definitely had a parent/child relationship while I was growing up. Some people have said that they see parents being best friends with their children so their kids will open up to them, well, I knew I could talk to my mother about anything when I was in my teens, even though we definitely had a parent/child relationship. This is because I never felt worried about her reaction, I knew that in matters of the heart, friendship, sex, whatever she would do her best to not judge me, and to offer advice through discussion rather than dictation, in a frank manner.


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