He Forgot

LegacyUser

Hi Folk,

Just want to remain annoymous for this one.
Yestaerday was my 28th birthday.. but my BF of 11 months has forgotten.

In some ways im slightly annoyed but mostly just a little upset that he's done so. I did mention it to him 2 week ends ago as it came up in conversation and he joked about what he was going to get me but yesterday came and went just like any other day. He rang me a couple of times with the usual chit chat but nothing more.

I guess I'm disappointed because over the last 4-5 months he's been under alot of pressure at work but i've gone out of my way several times to help him out or ease the stress as best I could. He's let me down a few times, (although not his fault) but I feel like I've bben very graceful and never complained or added to is problems. I'm there for him at the drop of a hat lately, I'm not moaning about this because I love him with all my heart and theres nothingI wouldnt do for him.

I just wish he might of made a mental note and remembered me just this once.
I still havent said anything, I was going to mention it tonight when he comes round.

Has this ever happened to anyone before?
did you get angry?..Am I being too mellow on this?

Thanks all ! x

funk-you

He should have remembered and I know that's pretty ****ty but why in gods name didn't you say something?

-Funk

P. Breathnach

People vary in how much stock they invest in birthdays. Obviously you are one of those for whom they are significant events; he might be one for whom they are not.

If he is still your boyfriend next year, don't just drop a hint and hope for the best. Tell him when your birthday is coming up and that you want it celebrated properly. You can even co-operate with him in planning your birthday surprise.

John Mason

err..... why didnt you say something to him?

Very passive aggresive behaviour, saying nothing to him but slagging him off on the interweb and probably to your friends

LegacyUser

As a bloke, I think it is pretty s*** to just forget your birthday. Some people are bigger into birthdays than others, of course, but to just clean forget is not on.

You say he has been stressed out recently, which may be the reason and you sound very understanding. I think you should just say something today like "I don't want to make a big deal of it, but it was my birthday yesterday, did you forget?"

No histrionics, just in a pretty calm manner. He should be extremely apologetic. If he isn't I would worry about it.

LegacyUser

John Mason..Im hardly slagging him of to be fair, far from it to be honest.

II told him last week end and dropped hints since. I'm not actually a huge birthday fan but I thought maybe this once he'd take take heed.

Im not angry, not at all but its maybe nice to be appreciated just an odd time.

DeltaWhite

This is not a 'tar all men with one brush' comment - trust me

But a lot of men are not great with dates OP.. I'm from a family of all men and they would forget their own birthday - seriously! I've stopped getting birthday texts, cards and pressies off them for years now, and I don't bat an eyelid. That's life! Maybe your bf isn't great with dates either? Definitely think you should have said something to him!

kylith

The only thing to do, as I see it, is to calmly tell him that you're a bit upset that he forgot your birthday. No giving out, no arguing, just let him know that you would have liked him to remember.

Just you wait though, a few months ago my OH and I were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said 'Wasn't it our anniversary two weeks ago?' Both of us had completely forgotten about it!

Hannibal Smith

Ah OP that's rotten. Different people put different importance on birthdays...but no matter how one person feels if something is important to the other person...then it should be important to you.

Chances are he's going to feel pretty bad when he realises ...so there's nothing more you can do....the day is gone so he can't make it up to you. Its up to you really, if its really bugging you, tell him your birthday was yesterday.

Hannibal Smith

kylith wrote: »

Just you wait though, a few months ago my OH and I were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said 'Wasn't it our anniversary two weeks ago?' Both of us had completely forgotten about it!

We never remember or anniversary...my parents gave us a present last year...and we were like 'what's this for?' then we remembered our anniversary was 4 days before lol

ibarelycare

You're going out less than a year so this is your first birthday with him. A lot of people just aren't great at remembering things like that. Mentioning it to him once a few weeks ago while he's under stress with work isn't enough. It would have been lovely if he'd remembered and if he'd done something nice for you, but I think it would be unreasonable to get very angry at him. I'm sure when you tell him tonight, he's going to be mortified and he will probably get you a present over the weekend. But with some people you have to keep reminding them about things like this. Next time, talk about it a few times in the weeks running up to your birthday. Organise a night out, ask him to bring you for dinner, etc.

FWIW my boyfriend is terrible at remembering things! Every weekend he has to ask me what he/I/we have planned. I have to remind him to buy mother's/father's day cards, birthday presents for his nephews, etc. Luckily our birthdays are only a couple of weeks apart, so it's easy for him to remember, but I have still never taken that chance, I always make sure he knows about it in the run-up

miamee

Just tell him!

You should have told him on the day when you were talking to him instead of hoping he'd remember when he quite clearly hadn't. If I were in his shoes, I'd be firstly embarrassed that I'd forgotten and secondly a little bit annoyed with you for not mentioning it despite talking to me more than once during the birthday.

As ibarelycare mentioned, it is his first birthday with you so it's kind of understandable that he forgot, especially if under work pressure as you mentioned. People are only human and sometimes we forget things. If you really want someone to remember a particular date then you'll have to do better than mentioning it in passing a few weeks beforehand.

Tell him and give him the chance to make a fuss of your birthday even if it's a few days later

(Oh and belated happy birthday!)

judgefudge

I dunno, my response may be going against the grain a bit here, but I'd be a bit upset too. I know a lot of men aren't great with remembering dates and so on, and I've gone out with a few like that, but your first birthday with him and he totally forgot? That's a bit sh1t.

I wouldn't go ape at him over it but at the same time I would probably be wondering how much he really cares, if I were in your position. You say he has been stressed out lately and you're always there for him. I don't think it's too much to ask that he gives you a little recognition and treats you on one day.

I'd be upset over it more so than angry if I were in your position. Whatever you're feeling, I think it's important to make your feelings clear to him. Let him know if he's not doing enough to make you feel loved.

I don't buy this whole "ah sure he's a man, they're useless" stuff. That's just letting people off with being thoughtless.

Granted, later into a relationship people are more inclined to forget dates, but this is still early days!

It's your first birthday with him, in which case it would have been easy to forget. He rang you, why didn't you tell him?

I'm terrible with dates, and I'm not a big birthday person. I have friends I've known for years and years whose birthdays I still forget. My current boyfriend's birthday (first one with us being togther, 4 months) passed recently unmarked. I sent him a happy birthday text, but I only remembered because I saw it on facebook.

You should have told him when he called. Not to do so seems odd, and to be honest I can only assume that subconsciously you wanted to test him, and were so disappointed when he didn't remember that you decided to keep schtum out of spite.

My two cents? Just tell him. If/when he apologises, tell him it's ok, these things happen.

I am rubbish with dates.
So I write them down in my calendar, and vaguely remember to check in that month which day it is. Although I managed to get the month wrong for a family member's birthday recently, was sure it was the following month. Still found out in time!
She told him the week before, all he had to do was make a quick note somewhere. "Oh they're forgetful" doesn't really cut it.
I would be upset too OP. Say it calmly and gauge his reaction. Go from there

uck51js9zml2yt

I forget my own birthday most years.
Tell him how you feel and move on.
Not telling him and telling us won't sort it out.

Addle

He forgot. He didn't ignore it on purpose.
You've made it a bigger deal by not telling him when you were talking to him.

ck83

It's true... Some people have absolutely no interest in occasions like birthdays. My OH is one of those. The first birthday I had with him as my bf, it was a bit of a non- event, and I was a small bit upset. We were away, and went out for dinner, but it wasn't really for my birthday, the two occasions just coincided. I didn't make too much of it at the time, but a bit after (I can't remember the circumstances) I mentioned that I would find receiving cards very important for occasions like birthdays, valentines etc. Since then, I always get a card. He just genuinely didn't get that it was important to me. That said.. He did remember it, and did acknowledge it- just not how I'd have liked.
As a funny (I say funny, to make myself feel better), a few weeks ago, it was his birthday. I forgot. As in, totally forgot- and I work in a job where I wrote down the date at lease 15 times a day. Not quite sure how it happened. He was ok about it though... I remembered first thing the day after. Oops

LegacyUser

I too, have forgotten my own birthday.

OP, make this as big an issue as you want, but remember, others do not hold such occasions in the same esteem/relevance/importance as you.


As for dropping "hints"? Say it out straight. Your idea of a "hint" might fly way over his head, and I wouldn't blame him for not catching it. It's a difference of the sexes, women think they're passing on a message while men, for the most part, couldn't be ar5ed trying to decipher what she really means.

maryk123

I don't care we all have phones and out important dates in them to remember. I would be pissed too.

a posse ad esse

Sometimes we've become so self-absorbed in our lives, hectic work schedule, deadlines etc. that we forget important dates. I don't think it's a guy thing because I'm female and I've done it many times. Once I did completely forget my husband's birthday. If it wasn't for my MIL who called to ask me what I had planned, I would have completely forgotten and done nothing! My issue was that I was so inundated with work at the time. What I've learned after that experience was to create a better work-life balance. When you don't have one, it will effect relationships from forgetting important dates to simply forgo "dating" because we've become too tired from a long day's work.

I personally think dropping hints is passive aggressive, why not tell him upfront when your birthday is and what is it you want to exactly do? I don't think that is bad or selfish, you are telling him how you would like to spend your special day. Make it into a discussion and ask him how he likes to celebrate his.

Some people don't care about birthday celebrations, plans or presents and even greeting cards because I am one of those people. The main issue I had was that I assumed others to be the same or like me. This was not ok so then I learned to celebrate birthdays according to specific people. I have friends that want the party and others who are happy with just a phone call or greeting card.

Lorna123

I wouldn't tell him at all if this happened to me. I don't think we can demand that someone should remember our birthday and buy us a present and I think if it doesn't come from the person without having to be reminded then that takes the good out of it. I think it would make you look self centered to be bringing this up OP. He will feel bad when he realizes he has forgotten and I would rather it came from him than me. Of course I would feel neglected about being forgotten about but I would rather die than remind someone it was my birthday. That's just me.

December2012

So it's been a few days now - did you ask him about it yet? I hope so.

I'm surprised you didn't mention it though - even in an indirect way if you're not happy with mentioning it head on, eg "Mam just rang me this morning to wish me a happy birthday", etc...

knotknowbody

I have forgotten my own birthday many times, just don't have any interest in celebrating it, birthdays are not a thing for me, I never remember family or friends birthdays, most guys I know would be similar.

If its important to you, you should have made it clear to him when you mentioned it the other week, dropping hints sometimes doesn't work with guys, we just don't pick up on them, especially if stressed with work or whatever, better to say it out straight "Its my birthday next weekend, birthdays are important to me, I'd like a surprise" something like that would work with me.

You could still tell him you would have liked to mark the occasion in some way something like "Hey, it was my birthday on Wednesday, I would like to celebrate it, do you fancy bringing out for dinner" said in a kind of joking way would have me booking a restaurant sharpish. I don't know about other guys but straight to the point is what works best i think.

Medusa22

I think that birthdays are extremely important, and regardless of whether someone else doesn't feel that way about their own birthday, it doesn't give them an excuse to forget yours. I think it shows a complete lack of thought and carelessness.

I really don't think people should be allowed off with a ''oh he's so forgetful'', it isn't forgetful, it is plain selfishness. You should be thinking about a friend or partner's birthday in advance and what you will do and/or buy them. That is what I do for my friends and partner and that is what I expect in return. I had an ex-boyfriend forget my birthday and I was very angry and upset.

I always make a fuss about other people's birthdays and it really is not an acceptable excuse if you just don't care about other people's birthdays, that's just selfish. I understand why you didn't say anything OP, I'd want to check and see if the person remembered on their own as well. In fact I think you are taking this quite well, you are together almost a year and it really isn't acceptable that he just forgot.