Excluded - am I being unreasonable

tink8587

So this guy I went to school with is getting married, he lives about 8 hours away. A couple months ago I talked to two other people we went to school with (we've all been friends for 20 + years) who live nearby, I said with fuel, food, and hotels I can't afford to go bymyself so before I RSVP are we all gonna make plans to go up together. They both said yes. The weddings this Saturday and we hadn't talked about it again so I asked them both today what the plan was. They've both already made plans, together, with someone else. So there's four of them, one car, one hotel room. Now they're saying that we can bring another car and get an extra cot for the hotel room. I told them I'm not comfortable being an after thought that everyone tries to accomodate at the last minute - am I being unreasonable????



After reading a couple comments I just want to add that these are friends that we all talk to each other at least every couple weeks, if not every week. Why should it be solely my responsibility to make the plans for the three if us? Why didn't they mention before I asked that they had made other plans? If i hadnt asked they never would have told me and would have assumed I'd just find my own way without knowing otherwise?? It just feels as if they didn't give a **** about me at all.

G_R

This isn't the right forum, and to be quite honest I don't know what is.

Maybe try After Hours or Personal Issues?

Fluorescence

Moved to Personal Issues.

This is the advice forum, OP. Should get some good replies here.

tink8587

Grand_Rajnah wrote: »

This isn't the right forum, and to be quite honest I don't know what is.

Maybe try After Hours or Personal Issues?

Sorry - thanx for the advice, I'll do that as soon as I get home!!

username123

I think you are being unreasonable. Why did you wait until now to bring it up? They probably thought you had sorted your own thing. You cant expect to book a hotel room less than a week before the wedding? And you cant expect other people to sort out your social engagements for you. You have to take control of these things yourself. They are trying to accommodate you now so why not just roll with that and accept you should have been more proactive?

Lorna123

tink8587 wrote: »

So this guy I went to school with is getting married, he lives about 8 hours away. A couple months ago I talked to two other people we went to school with (we've all been friends for 20 + years) who live nearby, I said with fuel, food, and hotels I can't afford to go bymyself so before I RSVP are we all gonna make plans to go up together. They both said yes. The weddings this Saturday and we hadn't talked about it again so I asked them both today what the plan was. They've both already made plans, together, with someone else. So there's four of them, one car, one hotel room. Now they're saying that we can bring another car and get an extra cot for the hotel room. I told them I'm not comfortable being an after thought that everyone tries to accomodate at the last minute - am I being unreasonable????

Welcome to the real world OP. This happens all the time, at least it does in my life. People will let you down left, right and centre. They probably thought that maybe as you hadn't been in touch that you were making other plans, or bla bla bla. The truth is they were fixed up themselves and didn't want to rock the boat by thinking of how you were getting there. It is very disappointing when this happens, but I am afraid the way it is people will suit themselves and you have to be constantly checking with them what the story is. Fellas are not known to be thoughtful and some just don't think at all. I am sorry that you have encountered one of the facts of life but I would just put them out and ask them to bring another car and get an extra cot for the hotel room and don't think twice about it. You are just as important as they are so don't feel like an afterthought. It is just the way life is.

tink8587

username123 wrote: »

I think you are being unreasonable. Why did you wait until now to bring it up? They probably thought you had sorted your own thing. You cant expect to book a hotel room less than a week before the wedding? And you cant expect other people to sort out your social engagements for you. You have to take control of these things yourself. They are trying to accommodate you now so why not just roll with that and accept you should have been more proactive?[/quote


I understand what your saying. I guess I'm just feeling if the roles were reversed, I would feel that I had already agreed to make plans with them and if any other plans were to come up I would make sure they were still involved and that nobody got left out.

Lorna123

tink8587 wrote: »

username123 wrote: »

I think you are being unreasonable. Why did you wait until now to bring it up? They probably thought you had sorted your own thing. You cant expect to book a hotel room less than a week before the wedding? And you cant expect other people to sort out your social engagements for you. You have to take control of these things yourself. They are trying to accommodate you now so why not just roll with that and accept you should have been more proactive?[/quote


I understand what your saying. I guess I'm just feeling if the roles were reversed, I would feel that I had already agreed to make plans with them and if any other plans were to come up I would make sure they were still involved and that nobody got left out.

You would do a certain thing given a set of circumstances and what you are saying you would do is very commendable, but other people see things differently and therein lies the rub. You are upset because these other guys didn't do what you would do but I have to tell you my friend that the world is full of this kind of thing, i.e. people letting other people down. I have discovered this over the years and I have learnt that you just have to take people as they come because if you shrug off people who do not act like you would then you will have no friends left.

I have to say though that I do understand where you are coming from and I would most definitely have felt the same pang of hurt as you do right now, but from my experience you have to train yourself not to be as sensitive because you will have many more of these experiences. That's how most people are, always looking out for themselves and not caring about others once they are fixed up. Don't take it personally.

Hope you enjoy the wedding.

The main thing I can see here is that YOU didn't bother to look into the arrangements. It wasn't particularly nice of them to exclude you but it doesn't sound like you were very proactive either. It sounds like you were sitting back and expecting them to organise everything. Why did you wait until a week before the wedding to get in touch? They might well have assumed you'd sorted something else out. You were the one who said you couldn't afford to go on your own, they agreed to accommodate you, so why was it their problem to sort you out? I'd have been in touch with them weeks before the wedding, asking if they wanted me to go ahead and look at hotels etc or if they had something in mind already. I don't know why you'd sit back until the week before the wedding.