Please Help me

jusagirl8

Hope guys dun get tired readin thru this:

I just wanted to say this outloud. These questions keep going on and on in my head and I dunno what to do or whom to talk to. I have been in a total of 3 relationships. The third one is the guy im goin 2 marry in 3 months.Each of my first 2 relationships, I was the one who broke up , and they each lasted 3 years. The first guy, he was Ok, but very possesive. N sumtimes ws fun lovin romantic, and at others verbally abusive. I hd lost count of the no.oftears i shed. I din hav d courage to break up with him. But started avoiding him.Aftr a couple of months I found a guy who was nice n sweet. v started going out. I found d courage 2 break up with the first guy. I was the second guys first relationship. He was nice at first. But over th ecourse of almost 4 years, I din realize ho wmuch the relationship had taken a toll on me. B4 meetin him, I was this bubbly,talkative,, fun loving person. I lied making friends, and helping people out. Over the course of my relationship, I started drawin into a shell. Mainly cuz d guy had issues if I helped out other ppl, if i mixed up wit ppl,its like b4 i din anythin i had 2 let hm knw or rather tk his permission n it wasnt the other way around. I jus never realised how sad i had become. I jus thought this was D guy for me. n the guy i was gonna marry. n i really did love him.. But when he went off to work in a diff countr for a few months, i started realizing, how much i had done for him, n in turn hw i was taken for granted. Even though he was nt in thr country i hd to still let him knw b4 i did anythin, b4 i went out wit friends or any such thing. n once i realised dis, i jus knew der was no going back. M actually a very soft spoken, mild mannered person. So breaking up for me was really tough. But once he was back i managed to. he wanted us 2 remain friends and I wanted to ata that time. But then he started emotionally blackmailing me. Callin me up drunk. tellin me he was gonna commit suicide. Tellin me tht he drank so much that h evomited blood, tellin me he was gonna drive when very drunk, tellin me he was drinkin standin on top of a hill n things like dat. This was takin a toll n my mental health, I was ridden wit guilt, and was almost thinking of going back. He said that he had changed, would do whatever i wanted and thinsg like dat. But i knew that i jus cudnt go back. if i dd neither of us would b happy cuz i cud never love him d sameway. I had really truly loved him and once i realized that he took me for granted, i jus cudnt go back 2 feelin d same way for him. bt i cudnt help feelin guilty.. 3 months i cried my heart out, everytime he wud msg me or email me abt his agony. hewould call me 50 times a day n i wud go crazy. Then suhw wit help of friends who told me to call his bluff, n jus distance myself from him, i did. I stopped takin his calls and replying to emails. eventually they reduced. But i was so scared of him in d end. worried abt wht he wud do to me. I never thought i wud fall in love, i neevr wanted to. I had thought of gettin married to whomever my parents chose. But tahts nt wht life had planne. I met this guy. We were aquaintances, tehn friends, n no idea how we became more tahn friends. It was so natural. N after more than 2 years together, I still feel the same for him. He puts me, my thoughts, my feelings before everythin else. Has nvr hurt me, nevr made me cry over anythin, n v hav not fought even once in d time together. whatever I ask he is ready to do. I feel blessed to find him, and have him in my life. But then ny, y do I keep thinkin of d sec guy. I dun think of him rmantically. I jsu dun hav closure. Cuz even aftr breakn up, he said he nevr knew y i broke up, cuz i was vague. I jus cudnt tell him on his afce tht i din luv him anymore. n then he had told ppl he wud tk revenge on me, n i dunno wht. But nw , when im supposed 2 b happy, supposed 2 think abt my future, y d i keep thinkin back on what i shud hav done b4, what i shud hav said. M i such an emotional fool. Is it that I long for a relationship wit drama, n not peace? Even though my guy is the best, i still sumtimes feel like something is missing. Im jus goin crazy. There are 3 montsh to the wedding. N i think back, that my previus 2 relations broke up after 4years, n wit thsi guy i hav been wit jus 2 years,.Its scaring me. m i nt being fair 2 him. i jus dont know.Each time i broke up, the guys were so attached to me, they din wanna let go, adn this guy 2 loves me aot. n i dunno if my love matches up. I feel so broken. feel i cn nvr truly b happy. I do love my guy, but m jus so worried, abt gettin married. especially since, ours is a marrg against odds, going against parents and thinsg like dat..Help

Ickle Magoo

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