So I'm in love with my straight best friend

eoinmct91

Ok so as the title says I'm fairly sure I'm in love with my straight best friend. I think about him all the time, get that stereotypical butterflies feeling whenever he's around and I'm generally just happier in his presence.

I'm not out of the closet and I don't really plan on doing that for another few years, not that I'm ashamed or anything but I'm happy with my life as it is at the minute and don't want to potenitally ruin anything.

So he has no idea I'm gay, I'm very straight acting. There's not a chance in hell he's gay either straight as an arrow so I'm not looking for advice for how to make him fall in love with me or how to tell him my feelings. Basically I'm looking for any tips of how I can get over this? As much as I love him I'd much rather have him as a friend for life than scare him away by making any advances!

So any tips on how to get over someone?

sheikhnguyen

Follow this 3 step 3 day process and you'll be grand:

Day 1. Eat loads of juink food and ice cream and mope about.
Day 2. Grab a bottle of something stong and a funnel and say "fück that self pity nonsense I am deadly and anyone would be lucky to have me", while horsing the booze into you.
Day 3. Get your leg over someone else.

Day 3 can in fact be combined with day 2 although you may want to leave out the funnel. or not.

oisindoyle

eoinmct91 wrote: »

Ok so as the title says I'm fairly sure I'm in love with my straight best friend. I think about him all the time, get that stereotypical butterflies feeling whenever he's around and I'm generally just happier in his presence.

I'm not out of the closet and I don't really plan on doing that for another few years, not that I'm ashamed or anything but I'm happy with my life as it is at the minute and don't want to potenitally ruin anything.

So he has no idea I'm gay, I'm very straight acting. There's not a chance in hell he's gay either straight as an arrow so I'm not looking for advice for how to make him fall in love with me or how to tell him my feelings. Basically I'm looking for any tips of how I can get over this? As much as I love him I'd much rather have him as a friend for life than scare him away by making any advances!

So any tips on how to get over someone?

Find yourself a partner and move on.Your present situation is getting you nowhere and will get you nowhere.
Go join a social group ect ect ,you need to move on ,,,,,

floggg

Perhaps what you are feeling isn't love but infatuation.

In the closet, you only allow yourself the chance for some unrequited lusting, so the bar for "love" doesn't have to be that high.

I think in your situation you're mixing up a lot of feelings and you're not able to separate and process them because of your circumstances.

I would imagine a lot of the "in love with a straight friend" threads are from people who are either not out or only newly out.

I would guess falling for a friend would be common because you kinda crave some form of intimacy and companionship and you can easily mix up friendship with that when you are closed off to the sexual side.

That's not to be condescending, but I just think it can be hard to get perspective when your keeping such a big secret.

I know when I was "straight" I mixed up friendship for attraction. Really though it was a case of getting on so well with them and thinking that's what passed for attraction.

Once I opened myself up to what I really wanted I saw how far off base I was.

FiachDubh

I'm in the same boat myself man

I posted a similar question to yours a few weeks ago and because of the advice I was given I told a close friend that I'm gay.
Honestly, its the best thing to do. Once you confide in someone they'll have a lot of questions for you and it'll serve as a distraction from the straight love interest. The only real way to get over him is with time. Eventually you'll spot someone else and shift your attention away from your mate and hopefully onto someone that can reciprocate the feelings.
Good luck

Locker10a

FiachDubh wrote: »

I'm in the same boat myself man

I posted a similar question to yours a few weeks ago and because of the advice I was given I told a close friend that I'm gay.
Honestly, its the best thing to do. Once you confide in someone they'll have a lot of questions for you and it'll serve as a distraction from the straight love interest. The only real way to get over him is with time. Eventually you'll spot someone else and shift your attention away from your mate and hopefully onto someone that can reciprocate the feelings.
Good luck

Hey man hope things are going well for you!
I don't envy anyone with feelings for a close friend, It cant be easy!! All i can say is time should see the feelings subside

what the hell!

Going through this at the moment, it certainly ain't easy! Just trying to distance myself as much as possible...

LegacyUser

The choice is yours accept that he's straight and get on with your life or tell him you fancy him and possibly ruin your friendship.

CdeC

Hi Eoin

1. do not tell him you're in love with him....big mistake
2. find an activity to do that doesn't involve him and stick with it. Something you can meet new people and focus some of your attention on.
3. Excercise more.
4. Keep your friendship, but using 2 & 3 above, try and spend a little less time with him.
5. Eventually your friendship will revert to a normal one and you'll be very happy that you didn't do 1 above.

fizzlefozzle

Allow the feelings to be what they are. Explore them inside yourself. They are just emotions, but they can be powerful.

Avoidance can be a big thing here. Perhaps, get drunk and go to a gay bar, like what I did. It will be an eye opener for you and a time to explore.

If you just feel like you are hurting inside, like I am, then I suggest doing this. Otherwise, you will continuously be stuck in unrequited feelings for heterosexual men that will create more and more pain. It is time to explore now. Do not avoid!!

Eventually, there may be an opening where truth can reveal itself. If that happens, then perhaps your feelings may emerge, and then you will have to take responsibility for that. This will happen eventually if you are continuously avoiding.

It is important that you find some body that can return your emotions, and your affection. It will make you feel needed and welcome and normal.

That is why I invite you to a gay bar, because there are people there that you *know* will recpricate your emotions and feelings and you will be able to associate with them.

There is a chance you are depressed too. Go see a doctor and explain the situation. I found psychotherapy to be useful in moving me out of the infatuation mind spin, and into getting focused on me.

A few tasks like, just documenting your emotions on paper whenever you feel hurt is a good start.

Just keep making progress.

Ditch the heterosexual males, they are not interested, they never will be. They will hurt you, spin you around, and call you slurs and then try and create more conflict for you while you still feel emotions from them.

Its best to treat every attractive heterosexual male as the enemy.

pharmaton

fizzlefozzle wrote: »

Its best to treat every attractive heterosexual male as the enemy.

that'll teach em

Annasopra

pharmaton wrote: »

that'll teach em

Fizzlefozzle is taking a break from the forum