Mixed up over what to do

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
Am a really mixed at the moment, and am hoping that some outsiders' perspectives would help me.

Am a 33 year old female (single). Just about everything I read on there on boards personal, Ive been through. Have lived through a lot of personal traumas and hardships (like most of us). I have no money worries (thank god), noone to depend on me. I have lost alot of friends through them settling down, moving on etc.

For the last few years, Ive become increasingly plagued with anxiety, worry, and stress. Unsettled. Unhappy. About a year ago, I started to see a councellor (and continue to do so). I look after myself physically, so I deserve to look after myself mentally also. Ive always been a very cautious/overthinker kind of person, so I thought "need to breakout"

The last year, I have travelled a lot. And it opened my eyes that there is a whole world out there. I have done many interesting things the last year. But I have a full-time job (a good job), but it added to the stress. Recently, I took the courage and I asked work if would be possible to take a career break (for at least 6 months, unpaid). Its not really heard of in my company, but they returned with good news that I could. To take time to myself, and to return fresh.

I have asked them for time to think about this. All of a sudden what seemed like a good idea has sent me into a panic. I have no idea now what to do. Am in blind panic. I thought it would get better/settle in my head over the weekend what I wanted to do, but its only made me panickier....does that make sense? I am esentially being given a green card to go and do this for myself, and return to my job. It was my ideal scenario, and now and just in a panic. I dont even know how long to take. Or where to go. Its like it was all fine in my head, until it actually started coming through.

I was in one part of the world that I loved, and I met a guy there, and we stayed in contact. I like him (but he doesnt know). And I wanted to try and go back there, even work there for a bit. He knows I have asked at work, but he doesnt know they have said yes. We always just chat as "friends". But I know, right now even, that I like him as more than a friend. I dont even know if he'd care I came back. I just havent the courage to tell him or know what to say. Im wondering if this is clouding my judgement. I feel strongly to go back there, but I would prefer if it wasnt because of him.

Any advice please. thank you.

variety

whirlwindmixup wrote: »

I was in one part of the world that I loved, and I met a guy there, and we stayed in contact. I like him (but he doesnt know). And I wanted to try and go back there, even work there for a bit. He knows I have asked at work, but he doesnt know they have said yes. We always just chat as "friends". But I know, right now even, that I like him as more than a friend. I dont even know if he'd care I came back. I just havent the courage to tell him or know what to say. Im wondering if this is clouding my judgement. I feel strongly to go back there, but I would prefer if it wasnt because of him.

This part really stood out for me. Why is it a matter of having to spend ALL the time you take off in the same place as this guy? If you take the full 6 months off, why not spend 5 months of it working (even in different countries) and then have a holiday with the money you've earned in this guy's home town?

I think it would be a missed opportunity (especially at this time in your life when you have no dependents and have been lucky enough to even get the time off work) to focus on omeone other than yourself. Take this time for you and you alone- enjoy it, make new friends, learn new things, see new places. You clearly enjoyed the break you had previously and had no pressure then; why can't you do this again?

If the relationship is meant to develop into something else, it will.

Just enjoy a break from your usual routine, without any pressure on yourself to find a new person, and you might enjoy yourself so much that you want the change to become permanent and to become your new routine.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I know sometimes in is easy to stay in a job or put up with situations which you are not happy with rather that making some changes to improve your life. I know at the moment you are unsure of what to do but you should look on this as a chance to get out of Ireland for while with the security of coming back to your job.

In regards to the man you met on your travels you need decide if you want him to be more than friends long term would he be in position to come to Ireland, would he get a visa or get work here? If this is not the case I would just accept that you will just be friends.

From what you told us I would go traveling as it give you a chance to see new places, experience new things and make new friends which will help you as a person long term.
Also some time abroad could help you make decisions when you come back to Ireland in regards to what you want from you life long term.
Enjoy your travels.

Merkin

I think you should seize the opportunity with both hands! I wouldn't go moving to the place this guy is based though, I think you could be setting yourself up for a disappointment and surely the idea of a trip like this is to experience new and exciting things by yourself and boost your self-confidence? Don't over think it. Go into your boss now and say thank you and work the required notice while planning a once-in-a-lifetime trip!

LegacyUser

Am no closer now to making a decision than when I first posted (thanks for replies). I keep thinking, even if I go away (havent a clue where to go/what to do), I will still end up back here. Really getting annoyed with myself now. Has anyone ever done anything like this before?

Goldenlady

Hi OP,
I know Im a bit late with the reply but your thread caught my eye. I am actually jealous of your position - you have what I want. We are similar age and I am thinking about heading off for 6 months. I dont think my job would give me a career break as not even there a year, but not overly concerned about that! I think you need to take this as a forward step and try and stop worrying, just let things happen. Maybe dont go to the place the guy is first, go somewhere else, let him know you "might" end up where he is and see his reaction, you should learn a little about his feelings then. At 33 and no commitments this is the time of your life go and live it up to the full because before you know it you will be back and in the job again.Dont waste a minute of your time off worrying or over thinking - what will be will be. Worrying is pointless, it doesnt give you better control, it just prevents you from having fun. Go and have the best time ever!!
From a very jealous person, all the best

GL