19 year old with no friends

LegacyUser

Hey,

Im a 19 year old and I have no good friends. I have two or three people that I would go out with every now and then but I dont have any friends that we would just hand around with or go on a walk on a sunny day.

Like if I wanted to go shopping now, there is no one in my phone that I could just text or call and see if they wanted to come.

I just slowly grew apart from my secondary school friends and I never really made any friends at college. I dont live on campus and I have a job that keeps me busy, so I dont spend much time out there.

I dont really know what Im looking for here cos Im sure Ill just be told to join a club or something, but just felt like posting anyway.

Czarcasm

You could do worse OP than have a browse around the regional forums here on boards for wherever you're from. There's usually a meet-up happening and anyone can go along and meet up for a chat, get to know each other and of course make new friends.

username123

19withnofriends wrote: »

I dont really know what Im looking for here cos Im sure Ill just be told to join a club or something, but just felt like posting anyway.

Well joining a club is just really one way of expanding your social circle - the key is to do anything that brings you into contact with other humans beings.

What it is important to remember is that friendship is a two way street. You cant be non responsive to overtures of friendship or not bother to keep up with people if you want to have friends. If you always refuse invites, people stop asking. If you dont ask after people with some memory of the last conversation you had, people think youre not interested. You have to put in some effort, other people get bored making all the effort when someone is not responsive.

I think before you get into joining a club you need to look at why you grew apart from old friends and didnt make new ones. Because unless you change that, then joining a club or any other activity is not going to help you - itll just be more strangers that you dont make friends with.

Stavro Mueller

Even though you're busy with your job and aren't on campus, can you not try harder to make friends with other people on your course?

Lorna123

It takes time to make friends OP. It often happens that we drift away from school friends and college friends but there are always opportunities to make new friends along whatever path you take. Sometimes we never get true friends but just have people we can socialize with and that's okay too. You have all the advice about joining clubs and being as sociable as you can, so I can't add any more to that. Just know that what you are going through is very common.

rox5

There is this online site called Badoo.ie I think, where you make a profile they give you options to make new friends, find love or chat online.

But trend carefully though, as with a lot of online sites like this you might comes across a few who are not the full shilling, if you get my drift, or could possibly be dangerous.

Also make sure that you only want to meet new friends if that is what you want, some people (particulary guys) might want to be friends but then become something more.

Give it a go anyway, but be careful too. Wanted to put a profile up myself, but came across a few people I knew from my area lol so might leave it for a while. :P

Vicxas

I wouldn't worry too much Op, it's natural for people to lose touch with their school friends and usually takes some time to adjust to a new circle of friends or make new ones.

But the sites the guys above me have recommended are good. But I'd agree that some people be careful of

JustAThought

Vicxas wrote: »

I wouldn't worry too much Op, it's natural for people to lose touch with their school friends and usually takes some time to adjust to a new circle of friends or make new ones.

I agree with the above! Lots of friendships drift apart or just fade away over time - without a denominating factor like school or a club it's hard to find a commonality that gives you the reason to be friends -or stay as friends. My school year had 180 people -I can count on my left hand now years on the number I could call or be close to. ( and two of them live abroad). You are not alone in this.

OP you said that you are in college -some classes never " click" and some structures (300 people in lecture hall in & out) don't lend themselves to making friends. Are you living on campus? Do you have flatmates or are you living alone? For next term /year there might be a place to start . When I was in college all my friends had shared experiences with living together/knowing friends who shared with 3 or 4 others /stayed in college residencies & this lends itself to getting to know & meet people much more.

I wouldn't be joining this boo website if 2 people here are already saying its got worrying people in it. I Can recommend a thing called Meet Up - its really good & I've used it when I've been abroad & not known anyone. It's a worldwide thing with millions of users . It's groups of people who like yourself & me , have found themselves stuck for people with shared interests or in a place where uou know mo-one. You can pick an area that they are in ( Dublin/cork/Paris!), or can get to - and join an online group that organises events .So although the group is formed online it is based on meeting up & going out.. There are ones for adventure sports , going out socialising, going clubbing,once off trips to gigs, hillwalking meet-ups , soccer etc - the while range of human activities seems to be there - I'd really recommend it.
You don't typically have to a actually join anything or pay -each meet up has a central organiser who organises events -it's just all suggested & accepted/declined online ; no need to chat or make false friendships online - you then agree to meet in person as a group at a centrally organised location & go from there . You can be " in" as many different ones as you want & can pick & choose what to go to - its a great way to meet like minded people who are also open to forming new friendships.

It's the summer now & a lot of college events & activities & things are closing down ( I guess!) -is there something local you can get involved in? It's corney but libraries often have signs up for local things & they might need a helper - or you could pick something you would like to do & volunteer there - I volunteered at a local radio station & met all kinds of interesting people & got to do some great stuff. Some of my best friends I had through volunteering with the Vincent de Paul ( don't do it anymore) - giving kids grinds , organising after school clubs ( I didn't go I just did the logistics!) , or through sport ( team sports) where you have a greater chance of meeting a variety of people where you might click with one or two out of the fifteen & then can head to the pub after or get involved in tournaments & again shared experiences etc.

You sound like a decent person & with a job so have some resources at least to go out!!) It's just circumstance & lack of opportunity that has created this situation. It is hard & it needs a bit of effort which can be hard but is worthwhile! you can't like or want to be friends with everyone you come across or meet, but persevere, it will work out in the end!

It could also be worth an effort to look up you old friends - try a text - hi -sorry havnt been in contact in ages -do you want to meet up for a drink . You'd be surprised!!! They might be feeling the same!!!

Wanderer2010

Not to derail, but is this Meet Up thing for teens and early 20s only? Im in my 30s and it sounds like a nice way to buff up my contacts as a lot of people I used to know are either too busy with kids etc or have gone abroad. If its teen only though I wont bother. Some clarification would be nice cheers.

Lorna123

Yes the Meet.up group is not restricted to a particular age group. There are a lot of groups who do different things and you just pick the group that suits you best after you register. It is a great way to have a social life. There are over 100 different groups so you are bound to find one that suits you. Just google it and away you go.

Neyite

Stating the obvious here OP, but Boards is a great way to get to know friends who share your interests. I have some terrific friends in real life from Boards now.

I just got chatting in the areas of Boards that interested me, and got to know a few like-minded women who I connected with via facebook, chatted there some more, met up with in real life, got on even more and I now consider them my closest friends, and meet up in real life whenever we can.

galwayjohn89

I'm 20 and I have noticed that it can be tough meeting new people. I tried joining societies and similar groups and met a good few people. As has been said before, boards can be handy too although I am wary about meeting people online. No idea why, but I always expect the worst. I'd suggest setting up a boards account (if you don't have one already) and start posting in forums you have interest in. Depending what college you're in you could see if they have any forums on boards. If you ever want to PM me even just for a rant feel free to!

sineadmc701

It depends where you live. I went on meetup.com after reading this and there's NOTHING in my town. It's not really a small town either, relatively speaking.

Lorna123

If you don't find a meet up group in your area you can start one. There is a facility on the site to start up a group in any area. Best of Luck.

BillyBean

In my day .... The FCA was a good social outlet meeting friends etc ... Got to like wearing green though!!!

Adrift

Exact same thing happened to me when I was around that age, Secondary School friends drifted away and I just didn't click with my college class. Things do get better though, I know you say work keeps you busy but try make time to pursue some of your interests a little further and I'm sure you'll meet like minded people. People won't magically come into your life so you'll have to make some effort somehwhere. Perhaps there's someone at work with similar interests? Or is there's any social events being organised, make the effort to attend.

Best of Luck!

MonkeyLover93

Hey 19 year old (sorry dont know how to address you) but your situation even by the few words you said on this is very similar to mine. Im not going to say too much about myself because this is your post but im also a 19 year old with very few friends. Failed to make friends in college this year even though i tried so so so hard and got nothing and my school friends dont really make contact with me or they blow me off. I find myself staying in most of the day ending up feeling sorry for myself. I have been told before by people to join clubs and all that but i dont really have many interests that would be in clubs. I tried badoo site recently putting down that i wanted to ''meet new people'' but i just got a load of guys trying to chat with me well flirt and the likes. Im forever searching for new friends even online just someone to talk to who has similar problems.

If you are comfortable with it, i would love to chat with you more (im sorry its really hard not to come across as really creepy on this) but on a serious note, i would love to chat with someone who has similar problems to me, boy or girl. Contact me through this i think you can leave a message somehow im new enough to boards.

pragmatic1

The best friends I have now OP, are ones I made in my twenties. You're very young, don't stress it.