Trying To Help Friend with Depression

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Looking for advice on how to help our friend who has depression.

He's 21, currently without a job. He broke up with his girlfriend 8 months ago and this is what has led to the depression. He was with her for 9 months, and it was his first proper relationship, first person to have sex with and the likes. He took the break up really hard but tbh we felt like he was much better without her. She wasn't the nicest and would be incredibly controlling with him, deciding what he could or couldn't do and the likes.

When they broke up, he was pretty down about it, and we did the usual thing of telling him how he was better off without her, and why it's a good thing he isn't with her anymore. He seemed to be doing ok but then things slowly started moving downhill and he told us he was diagnosed with depression and was on medication for it. He has also being seeing a therapist about things. In January he left work as he felt he couldn't cope, as she was still working there, it was where they met, and now he is currently jobless.

In the past few days, he has become incredibly snappy with all of us. We have been there for him both individually if he wants to talk one on one or as a group if he needed a night with all the lads around or whatever. This week he accused us of just trying to outdo each other giving advice and not actually caring, which couldn't have been further from the truth. He had a go and insulted us pretty badly about us trying to help, we didn't take too kindly to it, and in the heat of the moment really had a go at him, still not about the depression, but telling him how he needs to move on and stop being so hung up on it.

This week it hasn't got any better and it's got to the stage where he has said he won't bother getting our advice or looking for our help any more, and he will do it by himself.

We're pretty worried about him, as he would go on random walks late at night, and is still getting really upset about her, he is pretty immature emotionally, and there isn't much else we feel we can do to help. The fact he is getting snappy at us now too really isn't helping and it is really starting to frustrate us as a group.

As I have said, speaking to him one to one seems more difficult for him and as a group he is better opening up. He is speaking about how he'll never find anyone else like her and that he couldn't make her happy enough to make her want to be with him.

Has anyone had a similar problems in the past with friends? We really do want to help him but it is getting incredibly difficult and he is starting to push us all away now, and I really don't know what we can do to help anymore, if he pushes us away he'll have no one else.

Thanks.

December2012

Ysee it seems like you're talking about him behind his back.

And that's probably making him embarrassed.

If he's seeing a therapist let them give the therapy, and you can be his friend.

a posse ad esse

There's not much you can do for your friend other than to be there for him when he needs you.

I "had" a friend that we were very close with each other for 15+ years. She lost her job, went through a break-up, etc. I tried to help her and she just pushed me and our circle of friends away. I called and left numerous messages, sent so many e-mails , text messages, and even went as far as showing up to her place three times unannounced. I am concerned for her but what else could we do? We then had to decide to "let go". She knows she can call when she needs any of us. She is going through a difficult time and this is the way she wants to handle it. So eventually, we let her be. It has been over one year and none of us heard from her. Our friends and I will be there for her whenever she decides to reach out to us. She is an adult and we cannot tell her what to do.

As for your friend, I am sorry you have to go through this as it is not easy. It is sad to see someone "go" like this but there really isn't any more you can do than just be there when he wants to talk. I am still trying to get my head around myself as to what happened. It wasn't like we had a fight and she no longer wants to see us. She just "disappeared". At least your friend is seeing a therapist so maybe he will come around sooner rather than later. Give it some time.

DazMarz

F*ckin hell... I could literally write the same OP verbatim about a friend of mine. Same deal completely pretty much, barring a few details.

The thing is, and this is the rotten part of it, there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do at this point bar he himself. He has to get on with his life and try to find a new job.

My friend has been going through the same and has done some incredibly dubious things in the past while and myself and all of his friends are incredibly worried about him. But he has succeeded in alienating a good few people with antics that are a by-product of his depression. Arguably not his fault, but he is now left with a very small circle of people who will 100% be behind him (I'm one of them).

The sad part is there is nothing anyone can do except be there for him and try to point him in the right direction. Professional help and maybe getting his family onside with efforts to help him might be the only thing.

Sorry, but it is so creepy how similar the situation is between your friend and mine. Literally swap one or two minor details, and it is the same situ.

Just be there for him and try to help him as much as you can. That is all you can do unfortunately. Very little else. If he doesn't want to help himself, he cannot be forced to.

Good luck, and I hope your friend and mine can come out of this funk soon.