New adoption website

iNeedCoffee

Hi everyone,
I'm in the process of setting up a web site around adoption. The idea is to share my own experience, allow others to do the same.
I guess it'll have a forum section although I don't really want to duplicate what boards already do very well.

I was really looking for ideas about what people would find useful?
There are already resource sites out there, but what is missing, or what kind of things would you find useful or interesting.

Thanks.

trixy

I don't know what your site will be called but it would be nice to welcome birth mothers opinions and comments. I'm an adopted person but mainly see only comments from adopted people, maybe your site name could influence both children and birth mothers
Thanks

Elizvonne

Hi iNeedCoffee

Best of luck with the website. Most of the sites I've seen give loads of advise on tracing and searching but there is very little advice on reunion and afterwards. I know the experience will be very different for everyone but think it would be great if there was something in relation to this. Look forward to seeing your site!
E

schoolmouse

Hi iNeedCoffee, just like trixy I would hope to see some space for the father as well as the mother, not all fathers forget their adopted children but they were given no say in what became of them and it would be nice to see if more of them feel the same.

iNeedCoffee

Thanks for the really useful feedback and ideas.!

Elizvonne hit upon one of the things I was hoping to look at, which is to share experience on what happens following a reunion.
I'm not in a position to offer advice as such, but I can at least relay my own experience.

(Would anyone else be prepared to write a few words on their experience???? - please PM me, and of course everything would be in complete confidence )

Trixy, I'm hoping to provide experiences from everyone involved in adoption. Not just the mother/child, but also partners of adopted people, siblings etc..

Schoolmouse, I intend to have a forum/discussion area - so hopefully a dedicated area here will provide a voice for fathers. I agree they are an often neglected person in the whole adoption process.
Is there anything else that would be useful?

Like all websites, it will only be successful if it is actually a useful reference/information point. So I'd really like anyone who would like to contribute to get in touch with me.

I've started to write a few words about my own experience. Its been emotional to go back over letters and emails which span the last 8/9years but its been good as there is so much I'd forgotten.

diabeticmum

I needcoffee, could I make a suggestion for your site? Mayb if you could make the discussion area private so only members could see the posts??? The whole adoption process is so scary and unknown for most people , that even when they start out, their not sure if they even want to search if you know what i mean? A private area I think would be more comfortable for people to explore where they want to go and ask questions about how to go about it.
Good luck with it, sounds like a great idea

iNeedCoffee

diabeticmum wrote: »

Maybe if you could make the discussion area private so only members could see the posts???

Hiya diabeticmum,
Great idea! I've taken that on board and made all the members forums private.
I've also went one step further and created a section called Anonymous Discussion.
Here, users can post questions and discuss things in the comfort of knowing that their username is hidden.
(You must still be registered to post here of course, to protect the forum from any abuse).

So, here is the site address!
http://www.adopted.ie

Also, something that I've been working on for the last couple of weeks is a search/contact database. The idea is that you can register yourself (adopted person, birth mother, birth father, other relative) and there is a periodic cross check of all entries to check for any matches.
As said on the site itself, it's not intended to replace the official registers but hopefully can be a compliment to those.
You can find information on how to register on the main site.

Please let me know any if you've any comments/questions/suggestions or general feedback.

Thanks.

trixy

Thanks
Saw site it looks great , can I just ask why u set it up. Are you adopted or is it just an interest

iNeedCoffee

trixy wrote: »

Thanks
Saw site it looks great , can I just ask why u set it up. Are you adopted or is it just an interest

Hiya Trixy,
Yup I'm adopted, hence the interest.
The main reason I set it up was that I wanted somewhere where people could discuss things in confidence. Boards.ie works great if you only post in this section. But if I wanted to post in my hometown section, then they can see all my posts here too... not that its bad necessarily, but from my own point of view, I like to keep that side of things personal.

Facebook had a couple of groups - but again, while the groups are closed, Facebook change their privacy and visibility policies on an almost daily basis and have questionable policies over access to information.

For me, it made sense to have a totally separate site for this. Not for everyone probably but at least it's another option out there.

As for the contact register idea, there seems to be more and more people finding and making contact with birth relatives through facebook and the like.
Thought it might be an idea to provide an online register to bridge the gap between the registers held by the official organisations and social media. There seems to be a disconnect there and hopefully this might help.

gmansubfm

Fantastic ... I just joined up in the hope of finding my birth mum and siblings :-)

Dav

Hello all,

We received an email from the Adoption Authority of Ireland in relation to this thread who asked us to post the following as a reminder of the legalities of some of what's been discussed on this thread (and on the new website).

NOTICE – INFORMATION AND TRACING SERVICE PROVIDERS

Section 4 of the Adoption Act 2010 defines the activities covered by the
term ‘making arrangements for the adoption of a child’. Section 4(k)
specifically states -

(k) one or more of the following (activities):
(i) assisting—
(I) adopted persons (18 years of age or over) in tracing their birth
parents or other relatives, and
(II) birth parents or other relatives (18 years of age or over) of
adopted persons in tracing the adopted persons;
(ii) counselling the persons described in subparagraph (i);
(iii) mediating between adopted persons described in subparagraph (i) and
birth parents or other relatives, both as described in that subparagraph.

It is an offence for any person or persons to make or attempt to make any
such arrangements unless they have been registered as an Accredited Body by
the Adoption Authority of Ireland (see sections 125-133, 147-148 of the
Adoption Act 2010)

A person guilty of such an offence is liable on summary conviction to a
fine not exceeding €5,000 or imprisonment for a term not exceeding 12
months or both.

I'd urge you to get in touch with the Authority iNeedCoffee and run through your plans for the site and what you hope to see it grow into as it would be a real shame to see it (and you!) getting into legal difficulty.

[edit]
They also included the following link in their email in order to check in with them: http://www.aai.gov.ie/index.php/latest-news.html

iNeedCoffee

Thanks Dav.
I received the same and in the process of getting back to them.
I'd like to work with them if at all possible.

I'm actually getting my sister (who is a solicitor) to check everything though. I don't see that I'm offering a tracing service.
I'm not getting in touch with anyone and only two consenting persons who submit their data can potentially get in touch.
There are sites which offer the same and in a much more public way which seem to be in operation for a long time. Whereas the data on my site is not public and is protected.

Would be a real shame to have to take the site down as I've had a great response so far and it seems to be something people want.

Dav

From what I can gather, they were just notifying about the potential for legal issues should the site start offering or discussing those sorts of services, so I'd imagine everything is ok. It's good to see them being pro-active on these sorts of issues. You are now a Data Controller too so you may want to get your sister to check on your Data Protection Act compliance.

Best of luck with it all.

Feathers

Think the site could be a great resource, hope it goes well!

The only thing I'd be wary if would be signing up to the register - I've no idea of how all the details are secured & with something so personal, that'd be off-putting to me.

Even government sites seem to be leaking these types of lists left right & centre, which can make people uncomfortable around it.

Not sure how you could solve that though!

teddybug

Elizvonne wrote: »

Hi iNeedCoffee

Best of luck with the website. Most of the sites I've seen give loads of advise on tracing and searching but there is very little advice on reunion and afterwards. I know the experience will be very different for everyone but think it would be great if there was something in relation to this. Look forward to seeing your site!
E

i am tryin to get a reunion for mid feb for dunboyne if anyones interested in goin would be delighted to meet up for a chat ... feel its badly needed....

teddybug

iNeedCoffee wrote: »

Hiya Trixy,
Yup I'm adopted, hence the interest.
The main reason I set it up was that I wanted somewhere where people could discuss things in confidence. Boards.ie works great if you only post in this section. But if I wanted to post in my hometown section, then they can see all my posts here too... not that its bad necessarily, but from my own point of view, I like to keep that side of things personal.

Facebook had a couple of groups - but again, while the groups are closed, Facebook change their privacy and visibility policies on an almost daily basis and have questionable policies over access to information.

For me, it made sense to have a totally separate site for this. Not for everyone probably but at least it's another option out there.

As for the contact register idea, there seems to be more and more people finding and making contact with birth relatives through facebook and the like.
Thought it might be an idea to provide an online register to bridge the gap between the registers held by the official organisations and social media. There seems to be a disconnect there and hopefully this might help.

we are still been totally secretive about the adoption area as if its something to be ashamed of and we all must be quite about it , lets not keep it like its a sin to be adopted or to give a baby up 4 adoption, the only sin was the society we lived in that made us feel like we had commited a terrible crime wh
ich we had not done...dont forget no wrong done...

Up The Bare Stairs

Hi iNeedCoffee, only seeing this now after being on boards for a while. Hope the site is a success. It's a great idea.