Situation with boyfriend

LegacyUser

Okay first off this isn't like a huge problem but something I considered nonetheless.

I was on my boyfriends laptop while he sat in front of me, and I was just searching Google for songs that we could play (we perform together so this wasn't a big deal) but I then found a page that he had been looking at actively on his speed dial for those "Wetser" pages. I didn't think much of it at the time but decided I'd have a look at it to see what it was really about.
So basically for anyone who doesn't no the majority of photos of girls who are dressed practically naked (maybe wearing a thong) from a local enough area. It also includes photos of girls who are wearing very revealing clothes (like what they'd wear on a night out). What has annoyed me about this is that we have talked about how I wouldn't dress like that and I generally cover up quite a bit because I assumed that's what he's into. But he clearly has looked at this page quite a lot and it's full of women who I would consider more appealing than me and it just makes me feel rather inadequate.

We're both 19, and been in the relationship for a year but I don't know what to do, should I discuss it with him? Another thing is he doesn't watch pornography because he is quite religious and I just find that looking at this kind of stuff is just a step away. Am I mad and should forget it or just confront him on my feelings?

Czarcasm

WhatToDoNext wrote: »

Okay first off this isn't like a huge problem but something I considered nonetheless.

I was on my boyfriends laptop while he sat in front of me, and I was just searching Google for songs that we could play (we perform together so this wasn't a big deal) but I then found a page that he had been looking at actively on his speed dial for those "Wetser" pages. I didn't think much of it at the time but decided I'd have a look at it to see what it was really about.
So basically for anyone who doesn't no the majority of photos of girls who are dressed practically naked (maybe wearing a thong) from a local enough area. It also includes photos of girls who are wearing very revealing clothes (like what they'd wear on a night out). What has annoyed me about this is that we have talked about how I wouldn't dress like that and I generally cover up quite a bit because I assumed that's what he's into. But he clearly has looked at this page quite a lot and it's full of women who I would consider more appealing than me and it just makes me feel rather inadequate.

We're both 19, and been in the relationship for a year but I don't know what to do, should I discuss it with him? Another thing is he doesn't watch pornography because he is quite religious and I just find that looking at this kind of stuff is just a step away. Am I mad and should forget it or just confront him on my feelings?

OP the above bolded bits kinda stuck in my head because I'm wondering, when you say you covered up a bit because you assumed that's what he was into, was covering yourself up not your own personal choice then regardless of what he was into, or did you cover up because you thought your boyfriend would feel it was more appropriate?

When you say there were girls on it that you would consider more appealing than you, is this because they're wearing more revealing clothing than you would consider appropriate?

I would suggest you broach the subject again OP but do so at least in as non-confrontational a manner as possible so your boyfriend feels comfortable talking to you about it and perhaps you might be reassured rather than doing his thinking for him as such by dressing the way you think he wants you to dress. He might then feel comfortable enough in expressing to you his true opinions on the subject rather than telling you too what he thinks you want to hear.

judgefudge

He's not really doing anything out of the ordinary OP... It's pretty tame really by the standards of what a lot of guys (and girls) would look at. If he doesn't watch porn because of his religious beliefs maybe he sees this as something tamer in nature and therefore uses it for a relief?

You cover yourself up because you think that's what he's into? Why not just dress whatever way you want? Besides, he could love the way you look/dress. Very few guys I've been with have wanted a girlfriend that dresses revealing and sexy all the time, but at the same time dressing revealing is something that is sexually arousing to them.

It sounds like you're just insecure about him looking at other women. Most guys do it. It's perfectly normal and provided he doesn't actually want to replace you with another woman you need to just chill out about it. Don't start comparing yourself to other girls because its pointless

LegacyUser

Czarcasm wrote: »

OP the above bolded bits kinda stuck in my head because I'm wondering, when you say you covered up a bit because you assumed that's what he was into, was covering yourself up not your own personal choice then regardless of what he was into, or did you cover up because you thought your boyfriend would feel it was more appropriate?

When you say there were girls on it that you would consider more appealing than you, is this because they're wearing more revealing clothing than you would consider appropriate?

I would suggest you broach the subject again OP but do so at least in as non-confrontational a manner as possible so your boyfriend feels comfortable talking to you about it and perhaps you might be reassured rather than doing his thinking for him as such by dressing the way you think he wants you to dress. He might then feel comfortable enough in expressing to you his true opinions on the subject rather than telling you too what he thinks you want to hear.

By cover up I mean, he has pretty much said in the past that that was one of the reason he was attracted to me, that I wasn't wearing clothes that I thought we both deemed kind of inappropriate. What I wear is entirely my own choice I just assumed that was what he thought was best too.

I have little self-confidence which is probably why it hurt me, personally I find a girl who wears lots of make up and has a nice body to be more visually stimulating that I would class myself.

Lorna123

It's just idle curiosity OP. If you found a page where he was reading about a murder it wouldn't mean he was into murder or would like to murder someone, would it? He looked at the women just out of curiosity but it doesn't mean he admires them or would like you to be like them. I would forget about it if I were you and I would not bring it up.

Catkins407

Dress for yourself and not anyone else. That's the first thing. Second thing is let this go. It was his laptop his business and honestly all guys do this. Doesn't mean he likes you any less. He's with you for a reason. Don't over react because your feeling a bit insecure. I wouldn't say anything to him. He hasn't really done much and it really looks like you were spying on him. It's not worth ruining your relationship for this. Let it go and move on. Your only 19 you have a lot of relationships ahead of you yet. Don't fret the small stuff. Know that your obviously wonderful and beautiful to him or why else would he be with you? Be content and sure in yourself too. If your happy with your body and yourself then he will be too.

ShaShaBear

Be aware that there are two kinds of Google speed-dial. One shows the most often viewed pages, and the other shows recently viewed pages. If it was recently viewed, it could easily be explained by a pop-up, a misclick etc. OR he could simply have been looking at it. My OH exclaims regularly how often his laptop visually informs him of hot, single women in his area that are ready for love now :P

Sites like that often open themselves as popups when you're on another site, perhaps downloading something, or on some forums. I wouldn't tackle him over it since you dont know the facts, and you could make him feel very uncomfortable over something which, even if he did, is completely normal.

Czarcasm

WhatToDoNext wrote: »

By cover up I mean, he has pretty much said in the past that that was one of the reason he was attracted to me, that I wasn't wearing clothes that I thought we both deemed kind of inappropriate. What I wear is entirely my own choice I just assumed that was what he thought was best too.

I have little self-confidence which is probably why it hurt me, personally I find a girl who wears lots of make up and has a nice body to be more visually stimulating that I would class myself.

There's the issue right there OP. Both of you find these women appealing, but neither of you is willing to be honest about it because you're worried about what each other might say.

My own personal opinion on it is that you both need to come clean with each other, and perhaps when you feel reassured, your confidence will increase and you may not feel it so necessary to cover up so much, or maybe you might feel more comfortable with wearing clothes that flatter your figure?

Just like with the whole no porn/porn extreme idea OP, there's a middle ground there, and there's a middle ground between full cover up and wearing nothing but a thong. It's just a matter of finding that middle ground for both of ye is all.