Am I foolish?

LegacyUser

My girlfriend does not have a job at the moment or any source of income. I have a reasonably good job(I'm not loaded but it's enough to pay rent, bills) so I am supporting both of us at the moment. My girlfriend has a couple of debts outstanding, not major, under one thousand euro. I have been a little stressed about this, and trying to think of ways to pay back in installments or something. The thing is I cannot seem to get her to focus or make a move on sorting this out, and I can't seem to stop worrying.

I have always been cautious with money, but my girlfriend is not at all. I am not sure how to approach her to talk about this. I think she is just avoiding dealing with it because it is a stress, but obviously this isn't going to fix it.

On top of that she has been meeting her friends loads and going drinking on the last of her money that she has left, while I sit at home too knackered from working to do anything.

I understand she needs to get out of the house etc. but there has to be some sort of medium.

Basically I am not sure how to approach this situation. Also from reading this I don't want to paint her in some awful image. When she was working she would her share of things etc. It is just right now I'm starting to feel like my life is working, sleeping and nothing else.

Katgurl

How long has this been going on? What were the circumstances of her stopping work? Is she taking your financial assistance for granted and/or leaving you short? Is she looking for work?

The reason I am asking these questions is it is not clear whether a) you both have different attitudes to being responsible and money or b) she's being selfish and taking advantage in your relationship.

If its 'a' I would be wondering how compatible you are long term. If its 'b' id be sitting her down and telling her you won't stand for this.

Regardless, you shouldn't be feeling this stressed out in your relationship. I think you have some thinking and talking to do.

There is of course option 'c' where she hates not working and is avoiding stress by going out and getting hammered instead of dealing with it. If this is the case reassure that she is not on her own and you are here to help and support her.

Esoteric_

If she's not working, is she looking for work? Is she applying for Jobseekers' Allowance/Benefit? Why is she using the last of her savings on alcohol instead of contributing to the bills you're paying for her? Or on her debts?


Whatever her reasons, you need to sit down and have a chat about it, because resentment will build otherwise.

If she's always been flippant about cash, however, you probably can't expect much in the way of change from her. In that case, you have to decide whether you can adapt to that approach towards money, or bail her out when/if needs be.