Been beaten as a child in school, 80s

Doom

I was badly terrorized and beaten by a teacher in primary school, this was circ 1987. This teacher was well know for this for years, back in this time attitude was "you must have done something to deserved it"......well I did not and many of my class mates didn't either.
I think this was my first time ever truely been exposed to violence by another person, even my dad never humiliated my like this...not that, that would be OK either....btw, he(dad) did not beat me..
I think it has had a very bad influence on my life, I was violent and angry in my teens, now as I look back and try to change Myself, I try to figure out what caused me to be like this....I keep ending up back at this teacher.
I often hear my aunts say I was a Smiley happy kid and it bothers me that I am not this person for some reason....
Anyone have a similar story to share and help?

Pretzill

I was 2 years past leaving by 1987 and tbh I thought all that crap corporal had long gone by then or at least youd have a case to stand up to the lowlife that beat you whether legally or otherwise - I can only sympathise but can understand this can have a lasting affect not to be taken lightly at all -

Dave!

Have you considered counselling, OP? You might find that cathartic.

I'd say there are also some victims' support groups in the country which may be able to help you.

hollster2

Hi op i remember in school i was about ten and a nun was my principal i remember gettin my hair pulled by her and my head slammed off the table it was horrible what they got away with then, my parents went down but i cant remember if anything was done about, i agree with the post above councelling is the best thing for you i did it just helps you when you have someone who will listen to you for an hour without judging you!

deisemum

It's outlawed but there are still a few teachers who think nothing of hitting pupils, fortunately they're in the minority.

username123

Yes, I was beaten in an office by a head nun at 6 or 7 years of age (early 1980s), so ferociously that I lost control of my bladder, at which point she went bananas and screamed at me that I was a dirty little girl and that God could see me and then she beat me further. I can still clearly remember the feelings of fear, helplessness and shock - I really didnt know what the hell was going on. I had never, before or since, been exposed to that kind of violence either. There was also a lot of mental torture from the nuns. Frightening small children and threatening them with eternal damnation over nothing. I was lucky that I was taken out of that school at age 9 or 10. It was not an environment conducive to a developing child, it was based on fear and dominance.

OP I would suggest that you speak to a professional, starting with your GP. Explain the way you still feel in relation to these past events.

While you do not have any responsibility for how you were treated by a teacher as a child, you do have responsibility for how you act now - so act in your own best interests and seek some professional help so that you no longer feel bad about this. You deserve to feel good about yourself, you need to bring your mind to a place of peace.

Best of luck.

Beruthiel

Doom wrote: »

I was violent and angry in my teens, now as I look back and try to change Myself, I try to figure out what caused me to be like this....I keep ending up back at this teacher.

It might help to talk to a professional if you keep going back there.

I went to a convent, primary and secondary.

My worst teacher (and there were a few who used to hit us) was Sister Aquinas.
She had a large rosary beads round her waist and she used a metre long piece of wood to beat us with. She would swing it from a height.
I recall a sewing class where I used the needle in my left hand instead of my right.
She cured me of that particular atrocity.
She was a nasty piece of work that one.

Doom

Thanks for the advice...only thing is at the moment cash is tight. But I'll contact a counsellor and see.

username123

Doom wrote: »

Thanks for the advice...only thing is at the moment cash is tight. But I'll contact a counsellor and see.

Doom I came across this:

National Counselling Service

The HSE National Counselling Service (NCS) is a professional, confidential counselling and psychotherapy service available free of charge in all regions of the country.

Established in September 2000, the HSE NCS employs over 70 Counsellor/Therapists who are highly qualified and experienced in working with developmental trauma. People can refer themselves directly by calling a freephone number. Healthcare professionals can also refer clients.

Directors of counselling with a wealth of experience and knowledge of working with trauma in the public and private sectors globally, manage the NCS on a daily basis. They work together to ensure that there is consistency of service nationally in terms of professional and ethical standards and equity of service for residents within the State.

Since the inception of the NCS, its primary clients have been adults who experienced abuse whilst in the care of the state as children. The mission of the NCS is “to listen to, value and understand those who have been abused in childhood, in particular those abused in institutional care. The National Counselling Service aims to assist clients to live more satisfying lives, and in learning from their experiences, strives to prevent further abuse in Ireland”

For more details information, including how to make an appointment, visit the HSE National Counselling Service website here.

Maybe give them a ring?

Owryan

As a lefty hander I was literally beaten everyday trying to make me use my right hand. This wouldve been throughout the 80s

At the time I thought nothing of it but now im just glad my kids dont have that problem.

Das Kitty

Hey OP, I had my shoulder dislocated in 1988 by a teacher who didn't like the fact that I was doodling in class and janked my violently up by the arm. The principal "popped" it back in and warned me not to tell my parents as I'd be in trouble with them for doodling (I was 7).

My home life wasn't the best, physically and emotionally abusive, so in the grand scheme of things, the above event didn't/doesn't rate as highly as it should have for me.

I found counselling great, in that it helped me change the way I think about these past events and realise that I'm in control of how I regard them. It was a very liberating experience.

hollster2

Doom wrote: »

Thanks for the advice...only thing is at the moment cash is tight. But I'll contact a counsellor and see.

Theres one i went to in bray living life centre i paid 20euro a week i think they have some in dublin too if your from around these areas!!

blueyes12

Hi op
I've had similar experience in the late 80"s early 90's, I remember getting repeatly hit on the head and having dusters fired at me due to not been able to keep up in school! I had two of the most vile nuns ever! The fear I experienced during this time paved the way for a lot of difficulties later on in life,

I would agree with all the other posters counselling has been highly benifical for me over the years and to be honest I am still working on some of my early childhood experiences.

There are a number of low cost counselling available and I can't recommend counselling enough. It's a safe space for you to try and understand the impact of your childhood experiences and the effect it has/had on you in the here and now,

Best of luck Op

Dude111

deisemum wrote:

It's outlawed but there are still a few teachers who think nothing of hitting pupils, fortunately they're in the minority.

Well nowadays they cannot AS THEY KNOW ONE REPORT WILL GET THEM EXPOSED!!!


Im sorry you were treated this way Doom!!

iguana

Is there any way of having charges pressed against them. It was abuse and it was illegal at that time and had been for quite a few years. I don't know if it's possible but some people would actually find it cathartic to take such an action.

username123

Although corporal punishment was banned in 1982 it only became a criminal offence in 1996.

It still went on for years after it was banned. I can clearly remember my parents commenting that the banning of corporal punishment in schools was going to lead to the ruination of kids :eek:

I was changed into a different school after we moved house when I was about 10. It had only been banned for a couple of years then and was still widely practiced in the religious orders school I was in. The new school was not a religious orders school and I never remember anyone being hit, ever. And never in secondary, again it wasnt a religious orders school.

I just spoke to my husband and he was in religious orders schools in both primary and secondary and is younger than me - he was only 6 when it was banned, but still remembers corporal punishment being administered right through primary school and some occasions in secondary. I think it only stopped completely after it became a criminal offence.

Was it ever as popular in non religious orders schools?

deisemum

Dude111 wrote: »

Well nowadays they cannot AS THEY KNOW ONE REPORT WILL GET THEM EXPOSED!!!


Im sorry you were treated this way Doom!!

Well I can confirm from personal experience that it still happens and I've spoken to a lot of other parents who can confirm what happened to their children.

Doom

iguana wrote: »

Is there any way of having charges pressed against them. It was abuse and it was illegal at that time and had been for quite a few years. I don't know if it's possible but some people would actually find it cathartic to take such an action.

I would love to but I don't think I could put my family through it.

StillWaters

They were awful times OP. Whilst I was never beat, I was witness to children in my class being terrorised, for being left handed, from a deprived background, being what we called 'slow', in hindsight probably dyslexic, or for no reason at all.

It still doesn't make sense to me, and I often think of those classmates. Cruelty beyond measure to beat and humiliate children in front of other children. If it is any consolation, and it may not be, your classmates remember.

I would second Living Life Counselling, if they are not near you, they will tell you about low cost counselling options in your area.

Doom

I found a help group, gonna give it a try. Fingers crossed.

Lisha

Hi Doom

Youve gotten a lot of great suggestions here Doom.

Best of luck with the support group.

Don't let finances stop you, your gp should know counsellor s who operate at very low cost in needed.

I was in primary school from 84-1990.
I remember being hit a lot in primary , by 2 teachers in particular . Like all bullies they knew their targets and picked on the kids who did not have the home support to stop it.
I'll never forget once the principal lashed out and hit a kid from a wealthy family. Principal nearly collapsed, he knew he'd be sorry. Sure enough the mother was in and gave that waanker hell.
It was great but a few of us just felt worse as no one ever stood up for us.

I've done counseling in the past. I've found it fantastic well worth the hassle money and initial pain it uncovers.

The whole thing had left me feeling never good enough. Now I know that the teachers were so wrong, and I do believe in karma.

Really best of luck Doom, you deserve to feel at peace with yourself and to be happy.

havetoquit

My heart and empathy goes out to all of you who spoke of the horrendous treatment you experienced. I only had one incidence myself and thankfully I found the courage to report it and wished I had done at the time, but it is never too late, believe me.

There surely cannot be one person out there who truly thinks that those dysfunctional,cruel vile individuals should not be made accountable for their horrific deeds and if in some cases, the perpetrators are no longer with us, then at the very least their 'religious' orders can be made accountable in some way.
What a dreadful experiences so many children must have had, not even able to turn to parents, relatives, or anyone for support. It is perfectly understandable that they feel ongoing anger, inner pain and totally let down by all those around them at the time.

I still have an issue trying to accept that some parents simply would not believe their own children when they approached them regarding the abuse they were suffering, either at the hands of teachers, or even other family members. What does that say? Does it mean that parents were so indoctrinated that they could or would not listen to their own flesh and blood? Is this why so many parents also never visited their incarcerated daughters who were left at the mercy of psychopaths in some laundries. It just beggars belief that no family members visited, or if they did that they did not see the change in their daughters demeanour, not to speak of those who were battered and bruised.

One so often hear parents say that they would give their very life to save their children's lives and yet we see so many examples where many must have been very disconnected from their children if they could not observe the changes in them; the anxiety about going into school etc etc.

Please seek all the help and support you can and I wish you all find the joy, peace and inner contentment for the future which you surely deserve.

username123

havetoquit wrote: »

There surely cannot be one person out there who truly thinks that those dysfunctional,cruel vile individuals should not be made accountable for their horrific deeds and if in some cases, the perpetrators are no longer with us, then at the very least their 'religious' orders can be made accountable in some way.
What a dreadful experiences so many children must have had, not even able to turn to parents, relatives, or anyone for support. It is perfectly understandable that they feel ongoing anger, inner pain and totally let down by all those around them at the time.

I still have an issue trying to accept that some parents simply would not believe their own children when they approached them regarding the abuse they were suffering, either at the hands of teachers, or even other family members. What does that say? Does it mean that parents were so indoctrinated that they could or would not listen to their own flesh and blood?

I have thought about this. My own parents were badly beaten in school themselves at the hands of religious orders so it seemed even more bizarre to me that they would send me to a religious orders school.

But I think the answer lies in a cultural relativism. We are judging these events based on todays standards, which are different to the standards of the time. Everyone at that time accepted that children got beaten in school. It was part of the culture. It wasnt outlawed at all until the 1980s and only criminalised more than a decade later. Im sure plenty of individuals were angry about it or thought it was a bad thing, but society as a whole allowed it to go on. Same as Magdalene laundries, driving without seat belts, drink driving, homosexuality being a criminal offence, no divorce and many other cultural norms that have changed now.

We look back and agree it was wrong, but for the people of the time, it wasnt so clear. Incidentally I was taken out of the religious orders school when we moved house while I was still in primary school and was never beaten again. I asked my mother later why on earth they had ever had me in the first school and she said that they believed they were doing the best thing for me, that the education would be better with the nuns. Being exposed to such cruelty by religious people so young helped me to realise that religion is a human construct and probably helped me on my path to atheism so perhaps it was the better education!