Mother abused by her child.

LikeFrodo

This isn't happening to me but to a woman I know.

I'm not going to start gossiping about her life. It's not my place to say, what I'm here for is information, places or people she can go too. She wouldn't be up to date with computers or the internet so she's been dealing with this mostly on her own or with family councilors who offer help but never come through on it.

The plain facts are;

She has an 11 year old son who has always been difficult. I used to babysit him and from a very young age he's always been wild. He is prone to aggressive outbursts and will say and do anything to rile you up. In the past year he has started to beat his mother (leaving huge bruises and cuts) and if he isn't doing that he's tearing the house apart around her or threatening her. The child has no fear and has had warnings and visits from the guards which have all been to no effect.

What's even more worryingly is that he has started to direct his hostility on to others, anyone who even looks at him funny. i.e children, adults, old people, you name it. He's a complete danger and when he goes off on one who gets the blame, his poor mother who is living in fear.

The poor woman is exhausted and is grabbing out for help that isn't there. Everything that is out there is for the protection of the child not the parent.

I'm at loss as what to do. I'm only in my early 20's and I feel really out of my dept when it comes to this but I'm frightened that if I don't do something she's going to be killed. I'm not exaggerating. If I thought this was some teenage hormone thing I wouldn't be here writing this.

So what I'm asking for is if anyone would know of anything she could do or places she could get support and is there any sort of youth detention for kids here? Okay I know there isn't any but if he was to go out and kill someone tomorrow what would be the worst thing to happen to him??

Anyway long post, p.s don't ask about the father. He's an ass who I wouldn't be surprised is whispering in his child's ear.

pwurple

There are parenting classes that focus on children with violence and other problems. They are one-to-one in most cases and give practical instruction on how to deal with this in a child. See below link.

http://longford-westmeath.triplep-staypositive.net/get-help/triple-p-choices/courses/standard

nikkibikki

Has the kid been psychiatrically assessed? Where in the country are they based? The kid needs help with this behaviour and pronto as I reckon the teenage hormones that will soon kick in will only serve to make matters worse for him. If he hasn't been assessed, get him to GP for referral as this sounds very serious.

stoutykid

You are right about serivces being there for the protection of the child, this isn't a child protection concern per se as the mum is not endangering the young person. Has she contacted her local Child protection team ? It's sometimes worth ringing and speaking to the duty social worker to get advice on services spefic to your area. I would agree with the previous poster that it would be very important for the young person to be referred intially to the GP and then onto other services such as CAMHS-child and adolescent mental health team in your area for assessment re behavioral difficulties. This is extreme behavior from an 11yr old. Not every parent would comfortable with contacting the gardai when they have been assualted by their own child but if nothing else is working and you are that worried about her safety than I would recommend this also. There is no quick fix solution to this situation and it sounds like the mum needs substainial parenting support as well the young person requiring intervention.

I obviously don't know the whole situation but there are generally parenting difficulties such as inability to enforce boundaires and limits in the initial stages of situations like this. I don't think that young people ever just turn over night that's why there would need to be change on both sides for a successful resolution. Its not fair just to blame the young person even though he is the one displaying the behaviors.

mariebeth

OP that sounds like both mother and child need help & support before things get worse. Has the child been assessed by anyone?

If it was me who was concerned I think I'd approach the local hse/social worker/barnardos to voice your concern. If you're worried about the mothers reaction you can do so anonymously but honestly I think it's the best option in this case to seek professional help & support for both of them.

Lola92

I would advise her to get on to local PHN, GP, school and any other professionals she can about a clinical assessment for her son. I have recently studied conduct disorder and some of the traits you mentioned would be included in that. That poor woman, it is a very difficult situation to be in, I hope that they both get the help that they need quickly.

implausible

Lola92 wrote: »

I would advise her to get on to local PHN, GP, school and any other professionals she can about a clinical assessment for her son.

School is just what I came on to post about. This young fella's behaviour cannot be just confined to home. Surely his school is aware of his behavioural problems and what the mother is experiencing. A child like that would be referred for a psychiatric evaluation and to NEPS (National Educational Psychological Service), where, even though they are under-resourced and overworked, he would get help.

Focusing on punishment or detention is not appropriate for an 11 year old. It sounds like he has no control over his actions and it's psychiatric intervention that's needed.