Mother's passing not getting any easier

callmepetardu

I'm back again, as everybody who has offered me advice so far has been great.

My mam is almost 4 months gone and now it's sinking it big time. I pace the house waiting to see her or hear her, and it's driving me insane. The past few mornings, I've woken up and ran into her room to see is she there - but she obviously isn't.

I'm still really struggling to come to terms with it. I'm 19 and we were always really close. I used to talk to her about everything and she always listened, joked with me and offered advice. Now I've stuff I want to talk to her about but I can't and I don't know what to do.

My dad, brother, friends and boyfriend have all been great, but I don't want to annoy them by constantly going on about it. Can anybody over any sort of advice on trying to move on with my life? I feel so lost and alone without her.

dee_mc

Hi callmepetardu, firstly I'm so sorry for your loss.
I know it's a cliché but grief really does recede over time, of course you'll never forget your mam and you'll always be able to take comfort in all the happy memories of your time together, but the pain genuinely will ease with time, although I know it hurts so much right now.
I wonder if someone in school/college or your GP could recommend a bereavement counsellor for you? At times like this it must be so hard to confide in someone who was also close to your mam, whereas a counsellor who specialises in grief could help you to work through the loss you're feeling.
When I've had a lot on my mind in the past (to the degree that I suffered from insomnia too) I found it helped to keep paper and a pen beside my bed and just write down whatever was going through my mind, until there was just nothing more to write. After a few nights this became a kind of routine, and instead of waking several times a night in a panic to write it all down, I began to sleep for at least a few hours at a time.
Routine really helps, and although I wouldn't recommend sleeping tablets (tried them, still couldn't sleep but was sluggish all day! but everyone is different!) there are lots of natural remedies to help you relax or sleep, such as Badger Balm and Rescue Remedy Sleep, essential oil baths etc. A bit of pampering and TLC could go a bit of the way to making you feel more 'you'
Have you tried writing a sort of diary in which you can write down all the things you want to say to your Mam? It can be a great way to feel close to her and to get things off your chest. You don't even need to read what you have written, just getting it out can be such a relief.
Sorry if I'm rambling, really feel for you at this time and hope you can find a way to get through it without so much pain.

Dude111

Im so sorry......

I understand things not getting easier for you and i can only hope in time you can be happy again and look back at the GOOD THINGS about ma!


God bless,peace and love to you

wandatowell

From what I read, your ma was your "go to person" Thats perfectly normal.

My Dad was always my man to talk to about issues in my life weither they be school/college/professional/relationship or even if I fancied changing the motor. If I ever needed advice he is my man. My Da is still around but now when I have things I need to talk about I go to my girlfriend.

My point being is that when you trust somebody as much as you trusted your mam you will be willing to share your personal thoughts with them.

Baby steps.

Have no fear dear will do fine, dont worry.

NIMAN

Sorry to hear its not getting any easier, but to be fair to yourself its only been 4 months, and that is no space of time at all to get over losing someone who you were so close to.

When I lost my dad I would say I was no use to anybody for maybe the first 12 months at least. It really was on my mind every minute, but as said, it does definitely get better and you will learn to cope better.

Don't be afraid to chat to a bereavement counsellor if you feel you need to. Sometimes you could have a conversation with them that you might not be able to have with someone close to you. Plus they might know how to help you deal with your loss better than anyone else.

Stick in there, be as strong as you can and accept that you will find it hard for a long time. We are all different and some people will get over loss quicker. You will be ok some time in the not too distant future.

belcampprisoner

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

December2012

Please go talk to your Dad.

daiser

Hi Callmepetardu,

After reading your post I am so sorry to hear about your mums passing. It is so raw right now for you, and trust me I understand what you are going through. My dad passed away exactly one year ago. I was 23 and cared for him for his 7 month journey. When he passed, I found myself to be completely lost, like a child. I still am really. I would wake in the night to a soaked pillow as I would be crying in my sleep, it was relentless. There is no easy answer or resolution which is very hard to hear I know. Its the longing and flashbacks that I find hard to swallow, as I am someone who likes to fix things, but sadly I cant fix what has happened. People say to me that I will never be the same, but I will learn to live with it, as I assume you will to. So sorry if this doesnt help!
One thing I always thought was the grieving processes (anger, sadness, anxiety etc) happened in stages one after another, but infact they can all happen in one day together which is a real rollercoaster of emotion.

My mam and three sisters talk about dad now and again, but I find it hard to really talk about my feelings and memories of him as I feel that they mightnt understand as we all had different relationships with dad. I was very close with him. I found support in talking to someone who specialises in anxiety and loss as I could say whatever came to my mind. She actually suggested writing him letters which I havent gotten around to yet but I will. Also, I bought a necklace locket and put his picture in it so he is always with me. I find myself going on walks talking to him, even though crying while walking but I dont care what people think!!

The first of everything is very emotional, but be kind to yourself, find someone to confide in, maybe a friend or your boyfriend?

You are on a journey, but are not alone. Am thinking of you.