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  • 30-04-2013 4:18pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all
    I hope u can help i have been seeing this guy for the last few months and things r great we have lots in common and i am very attracted to him. The problem is when it comes to the bedroom dept. When we start fooling around everything is fine but when the condom goes on and we start having sex he goes soft. I have tried to be patient encouraging telling him its fine trying to relax him but nothing works. Its the same all the time i have asked if its medical and he says no been to the doctor. He doesnt know what it is. I get the impression he is not experienced or vert confident. Were both in our late 20s. I want to help him but i am just not sure how. I appreciate it is a very sensitive subject for guys. I have asked the usual questions etc. By the way when its oral or by hand everyt.hing is fine. any idea i am trying tobe patient and understanding


Comments

  • #2
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    A lot of guys have a big of an aversion to condoms, which can be extremely frustrating for both parties. An ex of mine would be fine until the condom wen't on, then could only stay hard for a minute or 2. What condoms are you using? Maybe try the thinnest ones you can get. Or could he maybe need a larger condom?

    Other than that, it's just a psychological barrier he needs to break through.


  • #3
    Queen-Mise
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,461 ✭✭✭Queen-Mise


    Try a BJ with the condom on, maybe don't swallow it though. Start with that, before continuing to penetrative sex.


  • #4
    somefeen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,657 ✭✭✭somefeen


    Tight condoms! They hurt going on, try them durex easy-on shape ones or even a bigger size.
    I had this problem because getting the thing on was painful, any man would lose the horn with it. Try a different brand/size
    Good luck


  • #5
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,403 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    Queen-Mise wrote: »
    Try a BJ with the condom on, maybe don't swallow it though. Start with that, before continuing to penetrative sex.

    I think that actually make things worse; It's likely nervousness and the complication of a condom interfering which will be compounded by such a focused effort on ops part on the problem area.

    I'd suggest distraction instead. Once this situation occurs, ignore it and start doing anything other than concentrating on the nether regions such as talking dirty or kissing passionately. Nature should resume its course in due time.


  • #6
    Queen-Mise
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,461 ✭✭✭Queen-Mise


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    I think that actually make things worse; It's likely nervousness and the complication of a condom interfering which will be compounded by such a focused effort on ops part on the problem area.

    I'd suggest distraction instead. Once this situation occurs, ignore it and start doing anything other than concentrating on the nether regions such as talking dirty or kissing passionately. Nature should resume its course in due time.

    I'd go with Jimmy's suggestions. He has the bits 'n bobs and I don't. There is a lot to be said for distraction.


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  • #7
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Queen-Mise wrote: »
    I'd go with Jimmy's suggestions. He has the bits 'n bobs and I don't. There is a lot to be said for distraction.

    I've got the bits and bobs for what it's worth OP, and personally I think Queen Mise's suggestion was a good one (not that Jimmy's wasn't or anything) .

    It may be due to nervousness but it may just be the act of stalling proceedings to put on the condom that kills the moment, which can be a common enough thing.
    Trying oral with a condom (a flavoured one,they are made specifically for oral sex, as a regular one will not taste very nice at all) could be a good way to get him use to them and having to use one. If he maintains his erection during oral then making the move to penetrative sex without losing his erection once the condom is already on his erect penis should prove easier for him.


  • #8
    cealabeala
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 56 ✭✭cealabeala


    I'm not a guy but with both guys who I've encountered this problem with, it has always been in the early stages of the relationship and hasn't lasted forever! It's all about nerves, which means that he really likes you which is good. Once you are both more comfortable with one another the issue should go away.

    In the meantime, condoms can be the difference between getting laid and not. A short term solution might be to look at other forms of contraception if you are exclusive to each other and have both been checked for std's. If you want to keep using condoms I would suggest trying to take the pressure off and give his confidence a boost. You could forget intercourse for a while and instead get him to practice going down on you until he gets really good and praise his efforts along the way. This should help with your frustration and also make him feel better about himself which is a win win.


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