Needing to let it out

LegacyUser

I guess I just need to let it all out right now. I am having a very tough time and seeing no end to it.

Firstly I am not feeling overly sorry for myself, I have a fantastic little family, love my life most of the time, great job etc etc.

Of course, as the root of most peoples problems, mine is money. I find it so sickening that I sit wide awake at night because of money, we fight because of money, my kids cry because of money, were it not for stupid money worries life would be fantastic, it is only money that causes issues here as we really like to enjoy life and each other, we are very lucky for that.

In my bad moments I feel pathetic for getting into this state over money, there are people out there dying because of lack of water, children fighting diseases, people homeless, we are none of these and I guess in those peoples eyes we are very lucky but I just cannot hack it anymore!

After a time out of work I was on the dole, rent allowance, medical card etc etc, this was a horrible experience, the constant paperwork, payments being cancelled for no reason, at one stage a child broke a leg and when we turned up to the docs we were told our medical card had been cancelled. After a few days of getting the child sorted anyway we could we had to call the card services, I actually cried on the phone. We were receiving full rent and dole yet the staff at the medical card centre told me we were 'earning' too much. Thankfully before we had to go through the whole appeal process I landed a good job which put me out of the bracket for the medical card anyway.

Slowly though things began to creep up, we couldn't quite meet every single bill and over the last 2 years the bills have continuously grown. We are now 3 weeks behind in rent with no money at all, final notices for certain things, even being brought to court over a bill. We try to come to agreements and we are told you need x amount to pay before we will even speak to you about it and you have x amount of days for this but the x amount of money they want is always well over anything we could possibly manage.

We finally arranged payment plans for a couple of things and thought we got ourselves sorted but it has come to a stage that the weekly payments are too much, we pay out about 300 a week before food or rent to try and get back on track. We have resorted to the cheapest of food so the kids are not getting the nutrition they should, we don't visit family or friends as it would cost too much in petrol, we have so many broken items that need to be replaced but cannot see it happening.

We just need a break!

Yesterday my child felt unwell, today he started asking to go to the doctors and I am now sitting here crying after he begged to go to the doctor and I had to try to find the words to say no. We have 20 euro for the week which is probably not enough to even get me to work and a child that needs to see a doctor but we can't afford it.

Please please don't tell me to get a medical card or even a gp card, for some ridiculous reason we do not qualify even though we are on the bread line. We have a failing business and a brilliant job, they almost cancel each other out, mounting bills, I fear answering the phone, even the door and no longer open any mail. I just can't fix it and I need help but have nowhere left to turn!

Overthrow

What is the failing business? Maybe you need some mentoring in how to boost sales? Your local enterprise center should be able to organise 1 on 1 mentoring for €50 for 6 sessions. Or you could get some free advice from the people over on the entrepreneurial forum. Who knows, maybe a new idea here or there could bring in a bit extra.

movingsucks

Have you been to mabs before?

You could also try the St Vincent Dear Paul for an emergency help and a sick child with no way of paying sounds like one to me.

LegacyUser

Overthrow the business is in trouble as there is no advertising, I need money to advertise but I cant afford to advertise without money...... I sure as hell would put 50 quid into advertising if I had it to spare. When I did advertise last year it worked fantastically, but car repairs and some unforeseen costs put rest to that and we haven't been able to get back on our feet since.

Pride is a terrible thing movingsucks, my wife doesn't believe in going to the likes of St Vincent de Paul, she thinks that is for those on the streets or no food in the fridge..... Thing is I can see us getting there soon if this does not get sorted.

I am at breakdown point, I don't know where to go with this and I am hoping to god that my son feels better in the morning otherwise I will have to ask the doc for an IOU visit.

I try to look on the bright side, I mean when I think rationally life is pretty good, apart from money worries we have it all, we have our health, each other and that is a lot more than many have so I feel so selfish getting so broken over money but I am at my wits end.

We have budgeted, we thought we could manage when we made payment arrangements a few months ago, the only thing we could do to stop our electric and heat being cut off, we also have to pay back loans from the good days too and other costs, since we started this budget we have borrowed one months rent already and now we don't have last months and no way to pay back the loan either. We did our food shopping this week and spent €35 on it.

I don't know what to say, I am hoping for a miracle at this stage! That and a healthy child in the morning, hoping the last bit of calpol this evening worked!

StillWaters

You really must go to MABS. They will negotiate a payment plan with your creditors on your behalf. You are clearly not allowing yourselves enough to live on if you cannot afford a doctors visit for a sick child. They will go through your budget and set you a realistic amount to live on, which will include emergencies. They will also advise if a Personal Insolvency Plan is the way to go for you.

Is it time to wind up that failing business? Have you applied for FIS?

Diziet

Yes, you need to go to MABS today. And you need to do the maths - how much is the business costing you? Will you be better off on the one job? Close the business and get a job for now; you can look at running it again if things improve but you can't subsidise a failing business when you cannot afford a GP visit.

Nymeria

Hi OP,

My heart goes out to you, you sound so worn down by it all. Is there any way you could ask family for some money or something just to tide you over, or so that you have an emergency doctor fund for when the kids get sick. Do your family and friends know about how much you're struggling? I'm sure they would help if they knew, I know you said about your wife not wanting to go to SVP but there are times in life when we need to forgo our pride and ask for help.

Also, MABS is a great idea for keeping the bill payments off your back. They will contact the companies and try to arrange repayments, it also shows that you are not ignoring the bills, and trying to do something about it. Many companies may deal with MABS even if they have fobbed you off before.


I wish you all the best and hope that your situation gets better. You sound like a wonderful father and husband, and you children will remember that in years to come, more than they will remember what toys or other 'stuff' they had.

Finally, I have asked boards.ie is there any way of PMing an unregistered user but I don't think there is, but I wanted to say that I could help out with a small amount, please PM me.

An Bhanríon

OP, your wife may not want to hear this but you really must go to the VdeP. I know from the horse's mouth that there are plenty of people in well-heeled parts of Dublin getting help from the Vincent de Paul. Their volunteers are trained to keep things nice and quiet so the neighbours, etc., don't need to know they are visiting. They can help you with all kinds of stuff. Get in touch with your local conference and they will let you know what type of thing they can help you with.

movingsucks

An Bhanríon is right,
SVP get people from all walks of life and circumstances, don't feel bad about asking for help.

discus

movingsucks wrote: »

An Bhanríon is right,
SVP get people from all walks of life and circumstances, don't feel bad about asking for help.

And as someone who donates to SVdP, I'd be delighted if my meagre donations would give a family man a bit of breathing ground, both financially and mentally.

LegacyUser

I agree with the previous posts.
I would contact the SVP as they will try to help you out. After that I would go the citizen information office and see if winding up the business is possible.
Winding up the business could help you get some extra benefits.

I would also contact MABS as the previous post said. Also ask MABS what information they need from you in order to help you and explain how urgent your situation is. Ask them for advice on what you can do re your debts until you meet with them.
At this stage I would tell your wife that you can no longer put your heads in the sand and if you don't get help from the SVP you won't have a place to live in for much longer.
I would agree that the svp volunteers are trained to keep things nice and quiet so the neighbours, etc., don't need to know they are visiting.
The Svp are helping a lot of people at the moment. I know people who got help in the past and once they got on there feet again give money to SVP to help another person out.
A lot of decent hard working people like you are finding things hard at the moment but if you make a few phone calls you can get help. Things can and do get better once you ask for some help.
Good Luck and let us know how you get on via boards.