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Take a break while he's away?

  • 30-04-2013 11:11am
    #1
    RoobyDooby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭


    Myself and my boyfriend are both 23 and we have been together for 2 years.
    He is a musician and spends every weekend away playing in different venues all over the country. He is away in college all week which means we don't get to spend much time together.
    He has decided to spend the summer travelling around Europe playing music with his college friends. He will be leaving after his exams in 3 weeks time, and not returning home untill the last week in August.
    I think it's fair enough that he wants to have fun and experience this while he is young, but honestly I feel that I don't want be in a relationship with him while he's away.
    I have always been really supportive of his work and understanding about the fact that his music always comes before our relationship. I think this is too much though, I would rather let him go to have his fun for the summer and I have my own fun and see what happens on his return.
    I don't think he will agree though and I'm afriad that he will cancel his trip if I mention a break. I don't want to be the reson for him missing out.

    I do love him and I know he loves me. Am I being fair about wanting a break?

    Thanks in advance for any opinions or advice!


Comments

  • #2
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    RoobyDooby wrote: »
    I think it's fair enough that he wants to have fun and experience this while he is young, but honestly I feel that I don't want be in a relationship with him while he's away.

    In fairness, it doesn't sound like you're in much of a relationship with him as it is if you're coming second to his hobby.


  • #3
    RoobyDooby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭RoobyDooby


    smash wrote: »
    In fairness, it doesn't sound like you're in much of a relationship with him as it is if you're coming second to his hobby.

    It's his career rather than a hobby though. He is doing really well so I won't stand in his way or expect him to quit for my sake.


  • #4
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,467 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Why can't you go with him OP? If you weren't even invited tbh, I'd be wondering how important you are to him.


  • #5
    Richy06
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 963 ✭✭✭Richy06


    Did you post before about only meeting him for coffee every now and again whilst he worked his relationship around his music? Because if so, I'm surprised you're even still bothering.


  • #6
    RoobyDooby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭RoobyDooby


    Richy06 wrote: »
    Did you post before about only meeting him for coffee every now and again whilst he worked his relationship around his music? Because if so, I'm surprised you're even still bothering.

    No, I haven't posted here before.


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  • #7
    RoobyDooby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭RoobyDooby


    Sleepy wrote: »
    Why can't you go with him OP? If you weren't even invited tbh, I'd be wondering how important you are to him.

    I have a job and other commitments that I can't leave. I wasn't invited to go, I think it's just a friends thing.


  • #8
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Honestly, it sounds like he has zero consideration for you. How can you not see that?


  • #9
    movingsucks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 534 ✭✭✭movingsucks


    I'd be inclined to "break up" rather than "take a break".
    I'm assuming by "have fun" you mean see other people? (If not what does it mean?)


  • #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,505 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Actually OP I think it's a good idea, if you're sure you'll be ok with it.

    He's a young guy touring Europe doing gigs with his mates, while I'm not trying to worry you it sounds like you're being realistic. It's better to know where you stand, and at least with a break you can have your own distractions.

    The only question is are you sure the relationship can take it? Jealousy and curiosity can be dangerous things.


  • #11
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    Op, I completely understand that music is his passion, but do you not feel that perhaps it's time you were put first for a change? Maybe I'm expecting a bit too much here, but if you don't see each other that much during the college year, i'd be spectacularly peeved if I didn't even get a look in during the summer.


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  • #12
    RoobyDooby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭RoobyDooby


    Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »
    Op, I completely understand that music is his passion, but do you not feel that perhaps it's time you were put first for a change? Maybe I'm expecting a bit too much here, but if you don't see each other that much during the college year, i'd be spectacularly peeved if I didn't even get a look in during the summer.

    Ya, the fact that he's going for the whole summer is very annoying. I thought we would get to spend a good bit of time together while he was off college.

    By fun, I guess I do mean seeing other people and just generally doing what we feel like doing ourselves. I don't want to be waiting around for him all summer while he's off having the craic with his friends.


  • #13
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    RoobyDooby wrote: »
    Ya, the fact that he's going for the whole summer is very annoying. I thought we would get to spend a good bit of time together while he was off college.

    By fun, I guess I do mean seeing other people and just generally doing what we feel like doing ourselves. I don't want to be waiting around for him all summer while he's off having the craic with his friends.

    I think you kinda already know your answer. In my opinion, it would be best to give each other free reign for the summer (ie- break up) and see how it is when he gets back, and after you've had a bit of summer fun too. If it's meant to be it'll work out in the end.


  • #14
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    RoobyDooby wrote: »
    Ya, the fact that he's going for the whole summer is very annoying. I thought we would get to spend a good bit of time together while he was off college.

    By fun, I guess I do mean seeing other people and just generally doing what we feel like doing ourselves. I don't want to be waiting around for him all summer while he's off having the craic with his friends.


    That's a far better thought OP than you being afraid to tell him how you feel because you're worried about what he might think. You've been incredibly supportive of him up to now, and what have you actually gotten out of the relationship?

    He's happy to suit himself, I think it's time you allowed yourself to do the very same. If your boyfriend isn't happy about what in my opinion anyway would be a good suggestion rather than have you wait around like a trophy girlfriend for three months for him to come back, then I suggest you take the three month break anyway and see what the story is when he actually gets back.


  • #15
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    To be honest, if you can freely think of seeing other people while he's away in another country, then there isn't as much love and commitment there as you would like to think. I couldn't even fathom the thought of even kissing a man other than my OH, whether he gave me the go-ahead or not!


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