To contact him or wait for him to contact me !

shoes34

I wrote previously about a date I was to go on - well it happened last Saturday and I had a fun time and I think he did too as he said so and also asked if I would like to meet up again. Now we live a distance apart from each other which isn't a problem as both of us drive.

He is in the process of finishing off his house and hopes to said he hopes to move in in the next few weeks so we wouldn't be able to meet up for about 4 weeks, which again is fine.

I haven't been on dates in a while and would like to take things at a steady pace for the moment as I think I could really like him adn would like to get to know him. My question is is it OK to contact him during this period or should I wait for him to contact me first - I know its sounds silly to ask but after being off the dating scene I have forgotten how to act when you first start meeting someone new.

Merkin

If you don't mind me saying, I think you are way, wayyyyyyy too invested in this. You've only just met this guy and you've started two threads on him now which is just a little bit intense and full-on when you don't even know him and if he's wrecking your head this much why would you even be bothered? Genuinely? Dating should be fun and enjoyable and exciting and easy. Not something that causes anxiety and makes you feel insecure.

I also think it's dead in the water if you want my honest opinion. Isn't this the same guy that didn't ask you out after your first date? And then wants to wait four weeks between the second and third date? Seriously? I'd be telling him I'm busy. Busy for the rest of my life...

You're wasting your time and energy.

Lorna123

I would not contact him. Just let it be and see if he contacts you. If you live a distance apart and he is very busy doing his house this could be a genuine reason, but don't contact him and see what happens. He has told you he is going to be busy so that means he will not be expecting any contact from you. He didn't ask you to keep in touch with him so this is your chance to see if he is genuinely interested in meeting up again. If he is he will contact you and this may happen sooner rather than later. If he was using this as an excuse to distance himself from you then he won't be contacting you again, so don't put your life on hold.

shoes34

Lorna123 wrote: »

IIf he was using this as an excuse to distance himself from you then he won't be contacting you again, so don't put your life on hold.

I won't be putting my life on hold, have made plans now for the next few weeks. I just don't understand men, why ask if I wanted to see him again if he's not sure he wants to see me!!! thanks

Pippy1976

shoes34 wrote: »

I won't be putting my life on hold, have made plans now for the next few weeks. I just don't understand men, why ask if I wanted to see him again if he's not sure he wants to see me!!! thanks

Contact him in a week or two - in my opinion that would be cool.

He hasn't given you the brush off because he doesn't like you. He explained he'd be busy. Don't jump to conclusions here and lump him in with the cliche that 'all men are w**kers'.

Send him a text next week and see where that leads you.

trishamcm

Im in a similar situation myself maybe not as full on...but my advice is if he is really that into you then he will text if not what have ya got to lose!! Men are just as bad as us when it come to waiting for a text or call.

shoes34

yes I know and its terrible how us women sometimes think it is up to the man to contact us but will leave it a week or so. He did rearrange our first date as he was getting some work done on the house which was fine, and made a big effort in rearranging it so I will just see where it goes. As he was the one who asked if i wanted to meet again. I am not going to relax a bit about it. Thanks.

Emme

OP, how did you meet this guy? If you met him online I wouldn't invest too much energy and thought into him. If you can date other guys in the meantime and if he doesn't contact you it won't be such a big deal.

If you met this guy online and he lives a distance away he could well be dating a number of women and hedging his bets.

How long is it since you dated before? The dating scene is pretty ruthless now and nothing is straightforward.

shoes34

Emme wrote: »

OP, how did you meet this guy? If you met him online I wouldn't invest too much energy and thought into him. If you can date other guys in the meantime and if he doesn't contact you it won't be such a big deal.

If you met this guy online and he lives a distance away he could well be dating a number of women and hedging his bets.

How long is it since you dated before? The dating scene is pretty ruthless now and nothing is straightforward.

No I didn't meet him on line. I have no reason to believe he is dating other girls, he said that he is busy getting his house finished and he has shown me photos of same.

I have noticed that nothing is straight forward anymore but I'm sure it will work out whatever way it is meant to.

trishamcm

Not every guy is a P***k.....what harm if he is have fun!!! "Whats for ya wont pass ya"!!!

Lorna123

The way I would look at it OP is that if he is genuine he will contact you. Seeing as he is the one who cannot see you for 4 weeks then it is up to him to make the next move, not you. He could be genuine or he could be trying to put you off so all you can do is wait and see. It is up to him to make the next contact, not you. That would be how I would see it.

njs030

In my opinion I would think that you've only met him twice and he's made it clear he is busy so it's best to back off and let him contact you. If he doesn't then sadly he's just not that interested.
I would echo what another poster said that you need to cool off a bit. It's very very early days and still at the point where it shouldn't be a big deal, you seem to be putting a lot of thought and energy into this man that you hardly know.

shoes34

Just an up date -

took the advice and didn't contact him, he contacted me and then after our last chat where he asked would I like to meet up again and when I said yes he said lovely we'll arrange something soon I have heard nothing, don't understand why he would ask if I would want to meet again for me to say yes and then nothing.

Oh well will have to chalk it down to experience!

djimi

He is either (intentionally or otherwise) taking this way too casual, or he is not bothered. I dont really buy that he is too busy with the house to not be able to meet you for four weeks; I doubt very much that he is working on it 24/7, and if he was interested he would have found an evening to meet you. My advice would be to back off and let him be; if he contacts you to meet up then see how you feel, otherwise dont lose any sleep over it.

shoes34

djimi wrote: »

He is either (intentionally or otherwise) taking this way too casual, or he is not bothered. I dont really buy that he is too busy with the house to not be able to meet you for four weeks; I doubt very much that he is working on it 24/7, and if he was interested he would have found an evening to meet you. My advice would be to back off and let him be; if he contacts you to meet up then see how you feel, otherwise dont lose any sleep over it.

Oh I have no intention of losing sleep over him.

CaraMay

No guy I have ever dated who has been genuinely interested, has waited 4 weeks between dates... If he is really into you he will be making a next date. It's really very simple.

Emme

shoes34 wrote: »

Just an up date -

took the advice and didn't contact him, he contacted me and then after our last chat where he asked would I like to meet up again and when I said yes he said lovely we'll arrange something soon I have heard nothing, don't understand why he would ask if I would want to meet again for me to say yes and then nothing.

Oh well will have to chalk it down to experience!

Maybe he is playing games and was trying to see if you were still interested. He could also have you on the back burner while he plays around with somebody else. You're the back-up option.

Don't contact him and if he contacts you again and asks you out tell him politely that you're not interested.

shoes34

Emme wrote: »

Maybe he is playing games and was trying to see if you were still interested. He could also have you on the back burner while he plays around with somebody else. You're the back-up option.

Don't contact him and if he contacts you again and asks you out tell him politely that you're not interested.

I have no intention of contacting him, and I am not into playing games, just will never understand why he kept saying we should meet up etc. and then to just not make contact, if you don't want to meet again that's fine but at least have the balls to just say so, anyway not wasting my time of time wasters!

Lux23

shoes34 wrote: »

I have no intention of contacting him, and I am not into playing games, just will never understand why he kept saying we should meet up etc. and then to just not make contact, if you don't want to meet again that's fine but at least have the balls to just say so, anyway not wasting my time of time wasters!

Maybe just keeping you sweet, expect a drunken booty call once he moves into the new house!

shoes34

Lux23 wrote: »

Maybe just keeping you sweet, expect a drunken booty call once he moves into the new house![/QUOT


Not to hear from someone in 10 days and then to think I'd come running - he must be delusional!!

Thanks for all the advice but as I won't be in contact with him again I think it might be best to close the thread. Thanks again.