I'm either overwhelmed or a big baba

LegacyUser

So here's my situation.

Approaching the end of year 1 in college. Really didn't like it that much, didn't like the course and made no friends/feel really awkward and alone in there. Haven't really gone to a lecture since semester 1 because of how **** I feel in there - can't even concentrate on what the lecturer is saying because of how self conscious I am of people looking at me like I'm a leper. So I tried doing the course without going to lectures and obviously that was doomed to failure so now I'm looking forward to an exam tomorrow that I'm not gonna bother attempting - gonna be very hard to pass with all the coursework I've missed and well, don't really want to go back for year 2 anyway.

Am thinking of starting again in a different course next year (luckily you're eligible purely on the basis of LC points, not previous exams in the college) but I'm very worried I'll just fail that course miserably too. Not to mention that I mightn't even be able to, given how the parents have been so far this year. I used to get on okay with them until about a year before college, then things started nasty between us. Which I admit is mostly my fault, given how I acted once I found out they weren't gonna pay for accomodation to a college that's an hour's commute away. This is despite the fact that we agreed that if I didn't go to private school (awful family tradition) they'd make up for it with halls in college.

Well anyway things have deteriorated to the point where they've many times threatened to kick me out if I fail my exams (my declining attendance hasn't gone unnoticed), so I can't imagine what they'll do when they find out I'm not gonna sit them at all. I know I'm gonna have to tell them eventually but I'm too **** scared to, makes me feel like a right baby tbh.

And on an unrelated note my only friends from the neighbourhood are complete dicks to me and the only reason I haven't dumped em is because I'd rather not be completely alone again. I have really awful social skills and people tend not to like me, they remind me of this everyday (dad and brother do too). I find it really hard to feel good about myself when the only people I ever talk to, people that are supposed to care about me, mutter nasty things about me under their breath and openly laugh at me when I come into the room. My younger sister who has absolutely no reason to hate me has started doing it now too and that just makes me feel like ****. I talked to my parents about it once and they just told me it never happens, which must mean I really am completely insane or something.

Well I should probably cut it short. If anyone has some advice for me on any of these issues that'd be greatly appreciated.

Well you have a very negative attitude (I understand you have your reasons, but the point stands). Do the exams. Cram, guess, waffle, whatever. Just attempt them.

You're purposely closing doors for yourself. I know things are hard but to be honest the best advice I can think of is bluff it. Start being friendly to your parents, and agreeing with them, even if you don't. Start looking into part-time work, if it doesn't pay enough to fund some accommodation, it might encourage your parents to chip a bit in to help, and even if it doesn't it will give you some freedom and options, and it might improve your social skills. Just start trying.

As for your friends not being nice to you, assert yourself. If they can't take it then at least you didn't have much to lose.

Diziet

First thing, do the exams. Study as much as you can and at the very least turn up and attempt them. If you fail and decide to go back, then you need to treat it as a job. Other students don't really care enough about other people to look at you or anyone else like a leper; they have their own problems.

So at a minimum, you need to turn up to the lectures, do the coursework and study the materials. Then you will do OK. If you do not want to do that, then you should look for a job. An hour's commute is not that far, and although it may be good to be in halls, it is not a reason to not do the course.

What you do or don't do is entirely your choice. Every action has consequences. What is is you want to do, ideally? And what actions get you closer to that goal?

Esoteric_

I would also bear in mind that if you leave college after one year, assuming you're doing a degree course, you have to pay full fees to do a new course, for the first year, which can range from 5,000-9,000 euro. Since your parents wouldn't pay for accommodation for you, I'd imagine they may not pay for that, either.

What do you want to do, and what do you need to do to achieve it? Make a list, start ticking things off one by one.

Refusing to sit your exams is just silly, tbh. You have time to cram, make a million notes and just do the best you can. Even if you fail, better to show your parents that you made an attempt, rather than just not going, especially as they've noticed you not going to class as it is.

The fact of the matter is, not everybody makes friends in college. You have to suck it up a bit and just go to the lectures. You're there to study, work and get a qualification, not to chat through your lectures with friends, to be blunt.

If your parents are threatening to kick you out if you fail, they're sure as hell going to kick you out if you refuse to sit them!

If you want accommodation next to your college (although an hour of a commute is very little, to be honest, I don't see what the issue is with that), get a part time job, like most other students who live away from home. You can't expect your parents to carry the financial burden, even if they previously said that they would. There's nothing stopping you from working and going to college at the same time. I live at home at the moment, and I manage to work full time and go to college, as well as paying rent to my folks.


With regards to your friends. Well, they're not friends. Ditch them and try make new friends. Join clubs, join websites for finding friends, and talk to people.

Ultimately, you need to stop being so negative about things. I understand that you're under a lot of stress, but everything you're doing is going to make that pressure ten times worse.

looksee

What all the others have said. You have to stop thinking about how unfortunate you are and how no-one else wants to know you, and how they are all looking at you, because they are not.

People do not go to lectures to concentrate on one person in the room and think about them, and even if they did, so what? If you were paying attention to the lecture you wouldn't be concerned about it. Making friends is a side benefit of college, the main issue is to study and get through your exams. Just get on with it, and good luck!