advice please! Am I overreacting?

LegacyUser

Myself and the OH have been together for over 13 years, we have broken up a couple of times during this time together due to him not treating me properly. Last time we were broken up he was on his knees crying asking me to give him another chance. I relented and we got back together, he promised he would put me first etc.

That was about 6 months ago, now I don't know if I am overreacting but he has just told me he is planning a trip with his friends in the coming months for 4 nights, and to be honest I'm very upset. As far as I'm concerned after everything we have been through I really think he should be concentrating on us and not planning trips with 'the lads' and to be honest I would more have expected him to be thinking of proposing but obviously not much has changed it's still him and the lads that come first. sick of it.

Brego888

Overreacting to him going away with his friends? Yes
He should be allowed sometime with his friends also.

But clearly your annoyance is about much more than a trip away. You'll need to talk to him about where you see your relationship going. Exclusive of the time away with his friends.

Merkin

Yes, totally overreacting.You're together thirteen years and are going ape**** over the chap going away for a couple of days, that seems unreasonable in the extreme.

Czarcasm

Overreating wrote: »

Myself and the OH have been together for over 13 years, we have broken up a couple of times during this time together due to him not treating me properly. Last time we were broken up he was on his knees crying asking me to give him another chance. I relented and we got back together, he promised he would put me first etc.

That was about 6 months ago, now I don't know if I am overreacting but he has just told me he is planning a trip with his friends in the coming months for 4 nights, and to be honest I'm very upset. As far as I'm concerned after everything we have been through I really think he should be concentrating on us and not planning trips with 'the lads' and to be honest I would more have expected him to be thinking of proposing but obviously not much has changed it's still him and the lads that come first. sick of it.

Multiple break-ups and make ups in 13 years, only back together six months, and you're thinking about marriage? OP, seriously- No, just... No.

As for him planning trips away with the lads after promising you he'd put you first if ye got back together- I can certainly see why you'd be upset, as it sounds like once he got his feet back in under the table he went back to his old self again. I imagine you wouldn't mind a trip away with the lads if he had actually treated you with respect in the thirteen years previously, and then promised to concentrate more on your relationship when ye got back together, but it sounds like there's an awful lot of still unresolved issues there and I think you'd best sit down with him and try and get him to see how this latest stunt has made you feel, without over-reacting.

Explain to him that certain conditions were laid down, he agreed to those conditions, and now as soon as he's comfortable again he's off with the lads on four day trips. Has he taken you away for a weekend yet OP?

The chap doesn't sound like he has his priorities right at all at all tbh.

Stavro Mueller

What do you mean by him not treating you properly?

LegacyUser

Overreating wrote: »

Myself and the OH have been together for over 13 years, we have broken up a couple of times during this time together due to him not treating me properly. Last time we were broken up he was on his knees crying asking me to give him another chance. I relented and we got back together, he promised he would put me first etc.

That was about 6 months ago, now I don't know if I am overreacting but he has just told me he is planning a trip with his friends in the coming months for 4 nights, and to be honest I'm very upset. As far as I'm concerned after everything we have been through I really think he should be concentrating on us and not planning trips with 'the lads' and to be honest I would more have expected him to be thinking of proposing but obviously not much has changed it's still him and the lads that come first. sick of it.

I think it depends on the frequency of trips/outings with his friends. A few days trip in a few months time really sounds like a very OTT reaction; however, if this is the latest in a series of constant trips/outings with the boys that have meant you've been regularly cancelled on, or he hasn't bothered going to events with you because a lads night out came up, then I think you'd be justified in being fed up.

Was this an issue that was discussed in your break up/ when you got back together?

djimi

In isolation yes, it sounds very much like you are overreacting.

Obviously we dont know the full story though.

RossFixxxed

djimi wrote: »

In isolation yes, it sounds very much like you are overreacting.

Obviously we dont know the full story though.

This is all one can really say about this. There is clearly much more in the background to this. In and of itsels it sounds like you are way over reacting and want to be first in every single thing he does. If that was all to the story he should run a mile.

What is ACTUALLY going on?

JaneeMack

Overreating wrote: »

I don't know if I am overreacting but he has just told me he is planning a trip with his friends in the coming months for 4 nights,

I don't think you're overreacting, from my own experience in a long-term relationship.

I think the problem here is the fact that he has 'told' you of this plan without discussing it with you in advance.

Obviously, he doesn't need your permission to go on a trip with the lads but I think the correct way to do it is to talk about it with you first or even to simply mention it before he goes ahead and makes the decision.

Just tell him that you want to talk about something - that you feel a bit uncomfortable about this and that you wish he had told you about this before he made the decision with the lads. He needs to know how you feel.

wallycharlo

On the facts which you have presented so far, not only are you overreacting but you are actually being downrigth unreasonable in my opinion.

Is it perhaps the case that something has happened in the past while he has been away with his friends?

LegacyUser

Thanks for replys, I suppose from limited info it would look like im overreacting, its alot of stuff built up from the past and that too, regulars here may remember me posting previously about us gettin back together a few years ago when we would have been 10 years together and him then telling me he was off on holidays with you guessed it the lads for three weeks, suffice to say we didnt get to go on holidays then to celebrate our 10 years!