Money worries

RoisinDove

I'm after checking my online bank account and got myself really worked up and upset. Basically, I'm broke. I have a job, but just pays enough to cover the rent and other necessities. I apply for other jobs every day but no luck as yet, and I've been at this for the last 3 years! I'm aware I'm luckier than some as in I have no mortgage and no credit card debt, but I feel totally stuck. I'm just about surviving. No savings, no extra cash and no hope of earning more anytime soon. I'm worse off than people on the dole, but I really want to avoid going on the dole. Also, I have been outside Ireland too long to sign on, I think!

I just feel totally hopeless when I think about the future. I'm 28 now and want to do the 'usual' things - buy/rent a nice place, get married, have kids, and I can't see for the life of me how I'll ever afford that stuff. My parents are fairly well off but have a weird attitude to money. It's like they resent any money they give me and make me feel so guilty, I wish I hadn't asked. I need some important dental work done this summer and have asked my parents for a loan and my mam kept saying it was ridiculously expensive (it costs what it costs) and pretty much refused to give me anything towards it. My parents said I should have my own money at my age - I'm aware of that, but I'm doing my best! I put myself through college and postgrad and have been paying my own way ever since, even when unemployed. I guess I feel completely unvalued, as they paid for my siblings' college (my brother repeated 3 times and they paid) but my dental work isn't 'worth it'. Just makes me feel even more down. I know I should be doing better but I'm supporting myself on next to nothing. Not spending money on shoes and bags.

I know this is rambling, sorry. I'm just so tired of working so hard and having so little money and not seeing any way out. I have started to consider going somewhere like Dubai or Abu Dhabi just to save up a bit of money, but to be honest, it's not appealing at all. I would appreciate any advice, support or ideas.

Turtwig

Ok first off. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Just because you don't have a mortgage or debt doesn't mean you're less entitled to complain. Put it this way, even those in the depths of despair in Irish poverty are probably better off than somebody else somewhere in poverty stricken Africa. Everyone has stuff they're entitled to bicker or complain about. How someone else is doing in comparison to them should never come into it.

We can't choose our families. Real pity too because some families can be awful with certain things. I'm not saying your family is awful but it sounds like that on this particular issue your parents are stuck in that ignorant ideology of "Well you're fully educated so you should be well able to look after yourself financially now." One thing you can do here is show them exactly what your income in and what expenses you're trapped in. It might not make any difference, but it's worth a try. It'll also definitely help if you could get them to understand why this dental treatment is so important to you. Often times people can equate dentistry to make-up and nail varnish. If it is purely cosmetic then it'll be harder for you justify it to your parents. They'll likely be thinking you don't need it and aren't acting mature enough. So you need to explain as coherently as possible why you want or need the treatment. Then hope for the best. Perhaps there's a member of your family or a friend who could better relate your position to your mother than you can?


Regarding finances did you ever try making a budget? I know it's ridiculously hard to make them and harder still to stick to them at first but you will, hopefully, see things about your expenses and income that you wouldn't even have considered. Have you ever considering asking SdVP or MABS for advice or help? Do not be one bit ashamed about seeking help.


Life is hard, your situation is tough but don't lose heart! Keeping trying and financially things may improve. If you're struggling to make ends meet then you might want to consider talking to your local Community Welfare Officer and find out exactly what your options are. Not saying you have to take them, but you'll have more piece of mind when you're freer of uncertainty and know what your options actually are.

RoisinDove

Thanks for your reply

Jernal wrote: »

Ok first off. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Just because you don't have a mortgage or debt doesn't mean you're less entitled to complain. Put it this way, even those in the depths of despair in Irish poverty are probably better off than somebody else somewhere in poverty stricken Africa. Everyone has stuff they're entitled to bicker or complain about. How someone else is doing in comparison to them should never come into it.

We can't choose our families. Real pity too because some families can be awful with certain things. I'm not saying your family is awful but it sounds like that on this particular issue your parents are stuck in that ignorant ideology of "Well you're fully educated so you should be well able to look after yourself financially now." One thing you can do here is show them exactly what your income in and what expenses you're trapped in. It might not make any difference, but it's worth a try. It'll also definitely help if you could get them to understand why this dental treatment is so important to you. Often times people can equate dentistry to make-up and nail varnish. If it is purely cosmetic then it'll be harder for you justify it to your parents. They'll likely be thinking you don't need it and aren't acting mature enough. So you need to explain as coherently as possible why you want or need the treatment. Then hope for the best. Perhaps there's a member of your family or a friend who could better relate your position to your mother than you can?

Yes, they are really ignorant, unfortunately. They just go on and on about how they were fully self sufficient at my age, totally ignoring how different things are now. The dentist treatment isn't cosmetic at all, it's essential. I've already lost a molar because of shoddy dental work (again because they wouldn't lend me the money I needed to get it done properly) and now I need an implant to fix issues with my jaw/bite. They just don't think it should be as expensive as it is, but I can't do anything about that. It makes me a bit sick that they'll splash out thousands on weekends away but begrudge me a few hundred quid for something so important.

Regarding finances did you ever try making a budget? I know it's ridiculously hard to make them and harder still to stick to them at first but you will, hopefully, see things about your expenses and income that you wouldn't even have considered. Have you ever considering asking SdVP or MABS for advice or help? Do not be one bit ashamed about seeking help.

I already have a budget. I only earn around 500 euros a month and my rent is almost 300 euros, so my spare cash is spent on bills, transport and food and anything extra, I try to save. I can't really cut back on anything else. As I said, I literally would be better off on the dole in Ireland but I don't think I'd be entitled to it and I don't really want to be on it either.

Life is hard, your situation is tough but don't lose heart! Keeping trying and financially things may improve. If you're struggling to make ends meet then you might want to consider talking to your local Community Welfare Officer and find out exactly what your options are. Not saying you have to take them, but you'll have more piece of mind when you're freer of uncertainty and know what your options actually are.

Thanks...it's weird but it's just nice to have someone acknowledge that it is tough. My parents are SO oblivious...they seem to think I have the life of Riley. They really have no idea how much I struggle, no matter how much I explain to them. It never seems to sink in.

Pippy1976

I always think it's annoying that just because we work we can't be on the brink of poverty. I would be poverty stricken alot of the time... I work full time but have nothing to live on by the time bills etc are paid.

Anyone can be poor - unemployed or employed. In this day and age having a job doesn't count for alot other than keeping you sane!

I'd recommend doing a budget though. At least you can see where your major outgoings are and make amends if possible. Good luck - it's really hard.

username123

RoisinDove wrote: »

I only earn around 500 euros a month and my rent is almost 300 euros, so my spare cash is spent on bills, transport and food and anything extra, I try to save. I can't really cut back on anything else. As I said, I literally would be better off on the dole in Ireland but I don't think I'd be entitled to it and I don't really want to be on it either.

Listen, Im just being practical here. 500 euro a month is a pointless sum to be earning. You would be better on the dole. If you only work part time hours you might be entitled to dole for the days you dont work.

You need to go and speak to citizens information regarding your entitlements. Not only would dole be more than what you are earning but you would probably be entitled to medical card, rent allowance etc...

Im not being smart here - but 500 euro a month and your health being compromised by being on the brink and poverty and stressed out - versus social assistance - its a no brainer if you are entitled. I dont see why you wouldnt be, you say you are in the same position for the last 3 years. No offence, but not taking steps to change the situation in 3 years is just silly. You need to put a time frame on things - if there is no job by such a date - time for a new plan.

I have to agree with your parents re supporting you - you are 28. You shouldnt be looking to them for support. But you need to be smart here, why slave for such a paltry sum?

Not only that, but if you got into the system you could get retrained in areas where you might get work that pays a proper wage.

Pippy1976

I wanted to reference what Username123 said. I worked part-time hours some years ago but was entitled to some benefits from Social Welfare too. I had to submit these little forms where I would tick boxes on the days I worked, get my boss to sign it and return it to Social. I worked 2 days part-time.

You should also be entitled to a medical card: either a 'full' one or 'doctors visit only' one.

LegacyUser

Hey, have you looked at part time bar work or anything to generate more income, there's loads of sales jobs on jobs.ie, if you have a degree it could be an option. I see why your annoyed and see where your parents are coming from also, you do seem to have a little bit of a sense of entitlement. I work full time and have medical stuff I need to get done, I can't affor d it right now but would never dream of looking to a family member for the money. Could you get a small loan from the CU or a small Overdraft to pay for your dentistry work.

Diziet

How many days a week is your job? 500 euro a month has to be part time. In which case, you will most likely be entitled to some assistance. Go to Citizens information and check for sure exactly what your entitlements are. And if you are only working part time, see what you can do to bring some more money in - work in a shop, babysitting, waitressing, anything is going to make a difference.

RoisinDove

I'm not in Ireland, so not entitled to any dole/medical card. I could be wrong but I didn't think I'd be entitled to these things if I went back because I've been outside Ireland for several years now. I left when I was made redundant there and I didn't want to end up wasting away on the dole. What happened was I was working in a place which has folded, so I have not been paid since February and there's not a hope of getting another job around here. I'm surviving on private English classes. I was doing fine, not rich, but fine, getting by until that happened. I'm locked into my rental contract here until at least July. After that I suppose I am 'free' to go wherever I want. My partner will be in the UK, so I'd like to go there with him if possible.

I don't think I have a sense of entitlement. I have been paying my own way almost 100% since I was 18. Part of the reason I'm so broke now is that I struggled all the way through college and postgrad and am still paying off student loans, whereas most of my friends got loads of help until they could comfortably support themselves at 22/23. Basically I just never had the chance to save up any money because I was living hand to mouth, paying loads in rent and paying off my education. I know I should be able to pay for it myself, but I just can't. If my parents were in any way struggling, I wouldn't even ask them. I much prefer to be totally self-sufficient and have been until now. I could put the dentist stuff on my credit card if I had to, but that's what I did last time and it took forever to pay off. If I could borrow from my parents and pay them back without interest, it'd make things SO much easier.

BTW, I haven't been in this position for 3 years. I meant I've been applying for 'good' jobs (as in, jobs which are reasonably secure with a salary and chance of progression) for over 3 years without much luck. I've been working that whole time and making an OK wage, enough to live on, until now. You can't get social welfare for part-time work where I live, and I don't think you can in the UK either. Irish benefits are tremendously generous compared to other countries.

RoisinDove

Diziet wrote: »

How many days a week is your job? 500 euro a month has to be part time. In which case, you will most likely be entitled to some assistance. Go to Citizens information and check for sure exactly what your entitlements are. And if you are only working part time, see what you can do to bring some more money in - work in a shop, babysitting, waitressing, anything is going to make a difference.

I'm living on the 'small jobs' you describe, as my 'job' is really private tutoring through a language school which is an hour or two every day. I'm in another country and am not entitled to any dole or other benefits. I have to stay here until July and then I can go somewhere else. The thing is that even before I came here, I was living in England wasn't much better off. I had a zero hours contract so had different hours every week and was told that I wasn't entitled to any benefits at all, even though my income was sometimes below £900/month. I don't think I'd be entitled to much if I went back to Ireland now.

username123

The above puts a totally different spin on it.

Why are you staying somewhere that you cannot earn any money?

Or is it that you have just fallen on hard times since February - ie, 2 months and have the rental contract?

Im sorry but Im a bit confused. Everything was fine until february, now you have little money, you have a rental contract until July. Forgive me, but where do the dental expenses come in here - if you were on ok money til just 2 months ago that wasnt an issue then and now it is? If you were on ok money prior to February why dont you have any savings to cover sudden expenses like dental?

I thought from your original post that you were in a long term low earning situation and were in Ireland. But you are now saying that you are only low earning since February and are not in Ireland.

You are coming across as though you expect a bit much from your parents tbh. You are 28. The reasons for your loans etc are irrelevant. You say you have been working on ok money prior to February, so you shouldnt still be depending on your parents for support. Its time to stand on your own two feet.

My advice is, change the situation, leave, go elsewhere with more opportunities.

Sleepy

Where are you OP? Do your family actually know how bad your financial situation? Or are they of the opinion that you're off on a "work holiday?". Are you on one? Because, tbh, it sounds a bit like it.

Have you employment prospects related to your degree at home in Ireland? Or are your qualifications only useful for academia? Could you come to some arrangement with your landlord to break your rental contract in order to return home? As you said, welfare entitlements are much better in Ireland and, grudging as it might be, your parents may be willing to let you move home until you can get your life back on track and, were you to spend 9 months on it, you might be entitled to BTEA to let you re-train in an area with the prospects for you to support yourself?

Pippy1976

RoisinDove wrote: »

I'm not in Ireland, so not entitled to any dole/medical card. I could be wrong but I didn't think I'd be entitled to these things if I went back because I've been outside Ireland for several years now.

I was in the same position - lived away for a number of years then returned two years ago. You are entitled to something as a citizen of this country. I was able to sign on when I came back, it took about 2 months to sort everything, without any problems. Granted they ask a few questions about where I'd been (Aus.), was I working here before I went away (I was.. and had therefore built up contributions) and other things.

I was treated no different to anyone else wanting to sign on (I use that term loosely as ideally, nobody wants to be on the dole, bar a few people of course).

Anyway, suss it out - you're never going to know unless you contact Social Welfare or Mabs or Citizens Advice Bureau. The resources are there to be used.

RoisinDove

username123 wrote: »

The above puts a totally different spin on it.

Why are you staying somewhere that you cannot earn any money?

Or is it that you have just fallen on hard times since February - ie, 2 months and have the rental contract?

Im sorry but Im a bit confused. Everything was fine until february, now you have little money, you have a rental contract until July. Forgive me, but where do the dental expenses come in here - if you were on ok money til just 2 months ago that wasnt an issue then and now it is? If you were on ok money prior to February why dont you have any savings to cover sudden expenses like dental?

I thought from your original post that you were in a long term low earning situation and were in Ireland. But you are now saying that you are only low earning since February and are not in Ireland.

You are coming across as though you expect a bit much from your parents tbh. You are 28. The reasons for your loans etc are irrelevant. You say you have been working on ok money prior to February, so you shouldnt still be depending on your parents for support. Its time to stand on your own two feet.

My advice is, change the situation, leave, go elsewhere with more opportunities.

I'm trying not to give too much personal info away! Basically, I lost my job in England last year (not my fault at all, they were devastated to let me go but had no choice due to staff budget). I decided to come here to work, found a job which didn't pay well, but was a decent enough jobs and paid enough to survive on. All was going well until that business folded and left me without any income. I am not entitled to the dole here because I haven't been here long enough. I have a rental contract on my current place until July. I was never making 'plenty' of money or anything, but had enough to live on and a little extra. Now that I don't have that income from my job, the little money I had saved and the little money I earn here from odd jobs is being spent on rent and living costs. If I hadn't lost my job, I'd have probably been able to pay for the dental work myself, but I can't now.

I can't just leave, I have no choice but to stay here until July (for several reasons). After that, I can leave, but not at all sure what to do next. In a way, I'm free to do whatever I want, but also quite limited as I have absolutely no money. I will have to put flights home and a deposit for my new place (wherever that is) on my credit card, which makes me worried, as I have no income and no idea when/if/how much I'll be earning. I have friends who are drowning in credit card debt and have always felt that I was lucky to have dodged that bullet.

I know what you mean about being 28 - I feel the same way. But think of it like this. Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at an 18 or 19-year-old getting money from parents. I didn't get a penny then and that's largely why I'm in this position now. I graduated with loads of debt and never really had a chance to get on my feet the way most of my friends did. I'm not saying I expected that, and I'm proud that I've managed to live without handouts, but it's made my life more difficult than it really needs to be. I'm definitely not spoiled, I've always worked for everything I had and appreciate everything. All I want is a roof over my head, food and dental/medical care and in the future, marriage and a family - I'm not really into material things and possessions and I really hate asking other people for help.

Sleepy wrote: »

Where are you OP? Do your family actually know how bad your financial situation? Or are they of the opinion that you're off on a "work holiday?". Are you on one? Because, tbh, it sounds a bit like it.

Have you employment prospects related to your degree at home in Ireland? Or are your qualifications only useful for academia? Could you come to some arrangement with your landlord to break your rental contract in order to return home? As you said, welfare entitlements are much better in Ireland and, grudging as it might be, your parents may be willing to let you move home until you can get your life back on track and, were you to spend 9 months on it, you might be entitled to BTEA to let you re-train in an area with the prospects for you to support yourself?

What's a 'work holiday'? I've basically come abroad to work because I couldn't get any where I was. It was work in my field and related to what I studied, not bar work or anything like that. Work in my field is limited in Ireland due to the recession. When I started my degree, it was plentiful, but it's slim pickings now and I don't really see myself going back anytime soon. My parents have moved away from Ireland, so I have no house to go to there. My grandmother lived in Ireland, but she died last year and her house has been sold. If I went back, I'd have to rent a room (as I was doing before).

Pippy1976 wrote: »

I was in the same position - lived away for a number of years then returned two years ago. You are entitled to something as a citizen of this country. I was able to sign on when I came back, it took about 2 months to sort everything, without any problems. Granted they ask a few questions about where I'd been (Aus.), was I working here before I went away (I was.. and had therefore built up contributions) and other things.

I was treated no different to anyone else wanting to sign on (I use that term loosely as ideally, nobody wants to be on the dole, bar a few people of course).

Anyway, suss it out - you're never going to know unless you contact Social Welfare or Mabs or Citizens Advice Bureau. The resources are there to be used.

Oh OK, I will look into it. My situation is a bit more complicated. I grew up in Ireland but do not have an Irish passport. I'm entitled to one, but never applied. I'm sure I must have built up some contributions while working there, so I will look into it.