Relationships and Fighting

Lux23

So I am with my boyfriend nearly 6 months, it was a real whirlwind and we are in love. Our relationship has been a little bit tense of late, he is in the process of opening a new business and he is basically doing it all by himself really. The last few weekends we have argued when drink has been taken, I was definitely at fault the last time as I was very rude about a couple of his friends. We made up and it was fine until we had a few drinks this Friday, we had a couple of spats and he got quite angry with me for no particular reason.

We talked about it yesterday and we definitely still want to be together, but neither of us are very experienced when it comes to relationships, this is our longest ever so we are both a bit thrown on how to deal with the arguments that invariably happen.

He is considering giving up alcohol, which I think is a probably a factor in his anger but I still don't think it's up to me to ask him to make that decision.

How do people tell the difference between a tiff and a relationship that's in trouble?

Czarcasm

As long as you're able to talk things out afterwards Lux that's the most important thing.

Starting a business can be incredibly stressful, and it doesn't come across like there's anything truly serious within the relationship to be too worried about, save for the odd tiff after ye have a few drinks down.

It says a lot for his character too that he's willing to give up drink for the sake of your relationship, but maybe you could suggest just cut down on the amount ye both drink instead of cutting it out completely.

Chucky the tree

Not sure why he's the one giving up alcohol if both you are acting out when drinking. Seems to make more sense for both of yous to give it up if that's the road you are going down. In saying that I don't really buy the drink excuse, sounds to me like it's simply making you's less inhabited to say how you feel. You said you were very rude about a couple of his friends, you clearly must have felt that way about his friends but had the cop-on not to say it. When drunk obviously everyone tends to lose a bit of their smarter streak. Sounds to me like there are underlying issues there.

Lux23

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Not sure why he's the one giving up alcohol if both you are acting out when drinking. Seems to make more sense for both of yous to give it up if that's the road you are going down. In saying that I don't really buy the drink excuse, sounds to me like it's simply making you's less inhabited to say how you feel. You said you were very rude about a couple of his friends, you clearly must have felt that way about his friends but had the cop-on not to say it. When drunk obviously everyone tends to lose a bit of their smarter streak. Sounds to me like there are underlying issues there.

I wasn't drunk when I slagged off his friends, he just brought it up when he had a few. I'm not afraid to express my opinions, but yes he seems to struggle with being honest with me and it all comes out when he's drunk. I can't control that though.

CaraMay

Maybe he is getting angry with you because he is sick of you providing your uninvited opinions and has been too polite to say it. In my experience, people who say they have no problem expressing their opinions tend to be happy to insult people and usr this as e justification for their actions.

Chances are your opinions are turning him off you and he just hasn't decided whether to finish or not yet.

sleepytrees

I think a good relationship is based on communication. At the 6month stage I would think you'd still be in the honeymoon period?
Some tiffs are ok in relationships and even sometimes healthy if you air your points in a calm manner but arguing and then making up continually, I couldn't hack!

Aren't relationships meant to be easy? Yes I know we need to work at relationships at times but in my opinion it's vital to have a solid basis to begin with.

Keep the lines of communication open. Neither of you should need drink to talk openly. To me that is a bad sign!

Chucky the tree

Lux23 wrote: »

I wasn't drunk when I slagged off his friends, he just brought it up when he had a few. I'm not afraid to express my opinions, but yes he seems to struggle with being honest with me and it all comes out when he's drunk. I can't control that though.

Might not be drunk, but you said you had been drinking when you said it. Drinking from the pair of you seems to bring out poor behaviour.

Lux23

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Might not be drunk, but you said you had been drinking when you said it. Drinking from the pair of you seems to bring out poor behaviour.

No, I was on the diet cokes. Basically his friends were talking about doing something illegal and I called them idiots, it wasn't my place to say it really but there you go. It was several hours later before he before he got angry about it.

Chucky the tree

Lux23 wrote: »

No, I was on the diet cokes. Basically his friends were talking about doing something illegal and I called them idiots, it wasn't my place to say it really but there you go. It was several hours later before he before he got angry about it.

Ah right. The way it was worded made it sound you both had been drinking. Also you made it sound like the two events happened on separate weekends when no it seems like it was all the same evening.

Lux23 wrote: »

So I am with my boyfriend nearly 6 months, it was a real whirlwind and we are in love. Our relationship has been a little bit tense of late, he is in the process of opening a new business and he is basically doing it all by himself really. The last few weekends we have argued when drink has been taken, I was definitely at fault the last time as I was very rude about a couple of his friends. We made up and it was fine until we had a few drinks this Friday, we had a couple of spats and he got quite angry with me for no particular reason.

We talked about it yesterday and we definitely still want to be together, but neither of us are very experienced when it comes to relationships, this is our longest ever so we are both a bit thrown on how to deal with the arguments that invariably happen.

He is considering giving up alcohol, which I think is a probably a factor in his anger but I still don't think it's up to me to ask him to make that decision.

How do people tell the difference between a tiff and a relationship that's in trouble?

Lux23

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Ah right. The way it was worded made it sound you both had been drinking. Also you made it sound like the two events happened on separate weekends when no it seems like it was all the same evening.

We had arguments on both Fridays, and another one last night but think we made some progress on it at last.

Merkin

Lux23 wrote: »

We had arguments on both Fridays, and another one last night but think we made some progress on it at last.

What did you fight about last night?

Lux23

Well when I say fight, we talked more about why we fought on Friday, he keeps saying that there aren't any problems just that he is just stressed. To compound everything I found out on Thursday that my job is gone so it's not been an easy week! I love him and I want to be able to work it out, it will just take a bit of work.

Lux23

Just a little update on this, I think we were just going through our first rough patch and we had a really great weekend together. I am sure we will have more tough times, but we have reached 6 months together and I am more in love with him than I ever was before. Hopefully I will be saying the same thing in 6 years!