is she interested

LegacyUser

Live near her 4 years. she is single mom. We talk a lot cos we have a common interest. I had to give her my number as there is a meeting we need to attend about our shared interest, She said now i will be able to make naughty calls to you at night. Is that a flirt? She didn't call

And is it offensive to tell a woman you want to sleep with her. we have to go to an seminar where we will be staying overnight. Probably will eat dinner together. is it offensive if i tell her how i feel, that i want her as a lover? If she said no that is Ok i would not hassle her but want to know

Had lots of rejection in my life and have depression and not interested in being a woman's 'friend' or 'therapist' i.e when they tell their problems to you and sleep with someone else

jubella

To be honest, I wouldn't come straight out and say you want to sleep with her. It's a little too forward in my opinion and could well scare her off or offend her.

On the bright side though, her comment about making naughty calls definitely sounds like flirting and would suggest she is interested in you.

My advice is to go to this seminar and have dinner with her, and see what happens there. Flirt a little bit and see how she responds. But definitely dont't just come out and say you want to sleep with her.
I can't speak for all women but I would like to think that a man enjoyed my company etc rather than just wanting to sleep with me.

Ickle Magoo

I think it really depends on what you want here OP.

Saying you want to sleep with her or be her lover, particularly when about to attend an overnight seminar is going to raise some enormous red flags in terms of you only being interested in sex...if that's the case then go for it, just be prepared that she run in the opposite direction if she ISN'T interested in a friends-with-benefits type scenario.

My advice? If you are interested in a relationship with her, ask her out - on a date...that way she'll know you want more than friendship but you don't have to explicitly spell it out. You also avoid coming across as a user or player by making any tactless references to sex as that's a given if you are more than friends. On the other hand if sex IS all you are interested in throw the suggestive comments back and see where it goes, you've nothing to lose.

All the best.

mathproblem

I'd start by asking her where are all those naughty calls you were hoping to receive. If it was me I'd be doing that tonight.

Like the others said I wouldn't be one for blurting out that you want sex only and nothing more in such a matter of fact way. Just have the bit of craic with her flirting in the bar & if it leads somewhere than happy days. Let her know that you think she's hot & that she gets your pulse racing and then if she's receptive it might lead upstairs. At least then she won't be offended to receive a compliment.

Once you don't set out to play the role of prince charming & then expect to get sex in return but rather have fun with her and let her know you're attracted to her and would like to take the fun to the next level. If it plays out like that then you've both made no promises to each other beyond having a good time together. If she expects a bit more from a guy before opening up to that she'll let you know I'd expect.

There's a good chance that if she's a single mum and has got her home life set up the way she likes it with her and her kids she won't be in any mad rush to bring someone in too soon to upset the balance. But you never know, only you can suss her out we can't. Try not put pressure on yourself, whether you're gonna be rejected or not, just try have a good time and see where it takes you.

YumCha

issheinterested wrote: »

not interested in being a woman's 'friend' or 'therapist' i.e when they tell their problems to you and sleep with someone else

OP, I feel like you're in real danger of falling into 'nice guy syndrome' here. There seems to be some kind of insinuation that if a woman opens up to you and you listen (which is what friends do, not 'friends') that she owes you something?

I hate to be blunt, but if you're not interested in women as friends, then you're not going to find it hard to progress to anything else - casual or otherwise. Also telling someone straight out that you want to sleep with them, while possibly not that high up on the offensive scale, is incredibly awkward - no woman wants to feel like a piece of meat.

What's stopping you from getting to know her better now? Why not just make small talk about dating and such and see what her response is? And when I say her response I don't mean to you, I mean to dating in general - is she totally off it? Is she only looking for something serious etc. There's plenty of ways to find the answers to the questions you're looking for without having to back yourself into a corner by blurting out what you want.

LegacyUser

YumCha wrote: »

OP, I feel like you're in real danger of falling into 'nice guy syndrome' here. There seems to be some kind of insinuation that if a woman opens up to you and you listen (which is what friends do, not 'friends') that she owes you something?

I hate to be blunt, but if you're not interested in women as friends, then you're not going to find it hard to progress to anything else - casual or otherwise. Also telling someone straight out that you want to sleep with them, while possibly not that high up on the offensive scale, is incredibly awkward - no woman wants to feel like a piece of meat.

What's stopping you from getting to know her better now? Why not just make small talk about dating and such and see what her response is? And when I say her response I don't mean to you, I mean to dating in general - is she totally off it? Is she only looking for something serious etc. There's plenty of ways to find the answers to the questions you're looking for without having to back yourself into a corner by blurting out what you want.

what i mean is i do not want to be used as a shoulder to cry on. women have dome that before. that is being used. that is what i mean whenni say will not be a friend to someone. i would be her friend if i was her lover. i do not just want sex

Thanks for the help folks

Big Bag of Chips

issheinterested wrote: »

i would be her friend if i was her lover. i do not just want sex

So does that mean that if she is not interested in you in a sexual way, that you don't want to even be her friend?

You can't hold someone to ransom and force them to fancy you. She may not fancy you and may want the chance to be your friend.. that is not "using" you as a shoulder to cry on and then going off to sleep with someone else. That just means that she is not interested in you in a romantic way.

I understand what you mean that if you do become involved you would be her friend, but I think you are doing yourself, and her, a disservice if you write off a friendship with her just because she won't sleep with you.

I think if you are too forward like asking her "Will you have sex with me?" that you will just scare her off. If you spend time with her, and let her know, (in a subtle way!) that you fancy her, and would be interested in being more than just friends, you will have a better chance.

But you need to accept, that no matter what you do, or how nice you think you are, some girls are just not going to fancy you and want to be with you. That's not a bad reflection on you. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you (or that they are using you) - it just means those girls would rather be your friend, than be romantically involved with you.

LegacyUser

fair enough but i am not sure what a date is she goes for coffee with a mutual friend but that is platonic. so if we go for coffee how do i know it is notv just two friends/buddies going for coffee. in relation to being friend/therapist. with respect to the people who mentionednthis if theyb had been used as much as i have in this area they may have a different perspective. no offence intended

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

So does that mean that if she is not interested in you in a sexual way, that you don't want to even be her friend?

You can't hold someone to ransom and force them to fancy you. She may not fancy you and may want the chance to be your friend.. that is not "using" you as a shoulder to cry on and then going off to sleep with someone else. That just means that she is not interested in you in a romantic way.

I understand what you mean that if you do become involved you would be her friend, but I think you are doing yourself, and her, a disservice if you write off a friendship with her just because she won't sleep with you.

I think if you are too forward like asking her "Will you have sex with me?" that you will just scare her off. If you spend time with her, and let her know, (in a subtle way!) that you fancy her, and would be interested in being more than just friends, you will have a better chance.

But you need to accept, that no matter what you do, or how nice you think you are, some girls are just not going to fancy you and want to be with you. That's not a bad reflection on you. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you (or that they are using you) - it just means those girls would rather be your friend, than be romantically involved with you.

i do not have women friends and do not want any. the ones i knew were users. if people want them fine i don't

ibarelycare

OP you seem very bitter towards women. Maybe you should address that before trying to start a relationship.

LegacyUser

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP you seem very bitter towards women. Maybe you should address that before trying to start a relationship.

i have suffered depression as a result of their 'friendship' I am not bitter i am not intersted in being used.

And not interested in platonic relationships with someone's partner. why would you define that as bitter?? I find that very strange

ibarelycare

issheinterested wrote: »

i have suffered depression as a result of their 'friendship' I am not bitter i am not intersted in being used.

And not interested in platonic relationships with someone's partner. why would you define that as bitter?? I find that very strange

In what way have you been used by women? Because they want to be your friend and not sleep with you?

Anyway not all women are like this. You're being very disrespectful to your friend by saying that the friendship will only continue if she becomes your lover. Now who's using who?

LegacyUser

i am talking about being used in the past. i did not say why or how. you do not have the right to accuse me of that. you do not know anything about what happened and i do not want to discuss it.. just mentioned in passing to say i am not interested in women friends users. please do not insult me with your judgemental atitude

ibarelycare wrote: »

In what way have you been used by women? Because they want to be your friend and not sleep with you?

Anyway not all women are like this. You're being very disrespectful to your friend by saying that the friendship will only continue if she becomes your lover. Now who's using who?

ibarelycare

issheinterested wrote: »

i am talking about being used in the past. i did not say why or how. you do not have the right to accuse me of that. you do not know anything about what happened and i do not want to discuss it.. just mentioned in passing to say i am not interested in women friends users. please do not insult me with your judgemental atitude

You said you will not carry on your friendship with this woman unless she starts having sex with you. Do you really not see what's wrong there?

Big Bag of Chips

Thread locked as per PM request from OP