meeting up with an ex

LegacyUser

Going anon on this one.

Is it ok to meet up with an ex if you are in a relationship? Im going out with my boyfriend 7 years. Me and my ex finished on good terms and recently we have come back into contact. he's a really nice guy. If my boyfriend found out he would be extremely angry but I dont see the harm as I dont have feelings for my ex anymore. any thoughts guys?

Esoteric_

If you feel the need to hide it from your boyfriend then either it's wrong, or your boyfriend is extremely insecure.

Merkin

anon anon wrote: »

If my boyfriend found out he would be extremely angry

So you'd really be meeting up with an ex behind your boyfriend's back?

No, that's not a good idea. You either tell your boyfriend you want to meet up with your ex for a catch up or you don't bother. Sneaking around (no matter how innocent) isn't wise tbh.

LegacyUser

Op here, I do agree that it isn't the best idea to do it behind my boyfriends back but he would never find out so there would be no repercussions. and if its innocent i don't see a problem. I just wouldn't tell my boyfriend because he wouldn't let me go because he doesn't understand how innocent it is. I trust myself. and I would really like to see my old ex (as Friends)

MikeD22

If i found out my girlfriend met up with an ex behind my back i'd start to question what else goes on that i don't know about. Is it really worth potentially risking your relationship for a catch up that to be honest could easily be done over the phone?

But as above your mind seems made up so good luck with it. It's still a bad idea to go behind anyone's back for anything no matter what it is.

judgefudge

anon anon wrote: »

Op here, I do agree that it isn't the best idea to do it behind my boyfriends back but he would never find out so there would be no repercussions. and if its innocent i don't see a problem. I just wouldn't tell my boyfriend because he wouldn't let me go because he doesn't understand how innocent it is. I trust myself. and I would really like to see my old ex (as Friends)

He wouldn't let you go? That's ridiculous. If this is really an ex that you're not interested in, tell your boyfriend that you're meeting him and go. I can understand apprehension on your boyfriends side and you should reassure him, but he can't stop you going! And if he tries there's obviously some insecurity issues there.

You have to tell him though, it wouldn't be right if you didn't.

Brego888

I've mentioned here before that im good friends with a an ex. We went out for 3 years. She's now married and im in a relationship. Any partner we've had since has had to accept we meet up as friends and to be honest we've had very little difficulty with it as we've all been honest and upfront with our significant others.

The key here is that we've been honest and upfront. Don't do this behind your boyfriends back. Regardless of your motives.

Big Bag of Chips

You're with your bf 7 years... Surely after that length of time this is something you should be able to tell him.

You don't need to ask his permission, so he can't "not let you go", but it's something you should be able to tell him.

I'd find it strange if after 7 years you genuinely feel you'd be better off not telling him. I just don't get that in a relationship. It's been so long, there shouldn't be a problem with you meeting up with him. But equally you shouldn't have to hide it from your bf.

That's my thoughts on it, anyway!

Esoteric_

anon anon wrote: »

Op here, I do agree that it isn't the best idea to do it behind my boyfriends back but he would never find out so there would be no repercussions. and if its innocent i don't see a problem. I just wouldn't tell my boyfriend
because he wouldn't let me go because he doesn't understand how innocent it is. I trust myself. and I would really like to see my old ex (as
Friends)

Two big issues here -

1. You plan to lie to your boyfriend. bang out of order tbh.

2. He doesn't trust you, because you say he won't believe it's innocent.

I'd work on fixing your relationship rather than going behind your boyfriend's back.

HalloweenJack

anon anon wrote: »

Op here, I do agree that it isn't the best idea to do it behind my boyfriends back but he would never find out so there would be no repercussions.

Do not make this assumption. Don't be so naive. There a billion ways it could get back to him.

I had an ex who used to work with the logic of "what he doesn't know won't hurt him", yet I found out a lot of things that she thought i'd never find out and the fallout was horrendous.

You need to tell him that you want to do this and why. If you don't and he finds out, it'll cause a serious rift in your relationship.

ladygirl

Why would you deliberately risk sabotaging your current relationship of 7 years because of an EX!!! ??? :rolleyes:

If it is all so innocent as you claim - just tell your partner that your meeting him..

HalloweenJack

Another few things that you should consider:

- Is your ex single now?

- Who intiated the return of contact?

- Has he said he "just wants to be friends"?

- If you ended on such good terms, why is it only recently (I'm guessing if you are with your current BF 7 years, you broke up with your ex >7 years ago) that you're back in touch?

B.A._Baracus

Meeting with your ex is a stupid idea to do.

I'm with my current girlfriend for 3 years and I love her. Personally speaking why would I wanna meet with an ex? and especially behind my current girlfriends back ... those relationships ended and quite frankly, fuck them. My current GF is the one. Why would I want to do something that could effect my relationship? Even if it was just a "friendly chat"

anon anon wrote: »

Op here, I do agree that it isn't the best idea to do it behind my boyfriends back but he would never find out so there would be no repercussions. and if its innocent i don't see a problem. I just wouldn't tell my boyfriend because he wouldn't let me go because he doesn't understand how innocent it is. I trust myself. and I would really like to see my old ex (as Friends)

Op, it's up to you. Its your life. Just realise that if your boyfriend does find out you met him, even tho nothing may of happened, and a shit storm ensues? - you can't play the "he is insecure" card. As you did so behind his back.

Da Shins Kelly

Either tell him, or don't do it at all. If he finds out that you've been meeting up with an ex behind his back it will open a whole can of worms of suspicion.

2Mad2BeMad

alot of people dont admit this on boards.ie
but if my girlfriend told me she was going to meet up with an ex ( if they havnt talked in years or were even friends) as in it was only recently well then i'd be pretty annoyed about it

seems to be alot of snobbery on this part of the form regarding insecurities
when in fact anyone would be thinking in the back of their head "what if" trust only goes so far, everyone has insecurities whether they be small or not, people just dont admit it on this forum haha, who are yas trying to impress seriously , its human nature and you cant beat human nature

i'd tell your boyfriend
how he reacts should be more important
but if you think he will be really angry, do you think he has very bad trust issues? or is it the fact that its an ex who you only recently started talking to again, it would make anyone think about it
but dont do it behind his back because that would create a bigger argument
is meeting up with an ex going to affect your relationship? if ya think it is do you think its worth the hassle? id understand if yas remained friends since your breakup and where seeing each other as friends before your current boyfriend but why change the situation now?
do you know the intentions of your ex? you sure hes not trying to win you back?

so many things could go wrong over it but then again you can never have to many friends either, talk to him about it and see what he thinks, only thing you can do

YumCha

anon anon wrote: »

and if its innocent i don't see a problem.

Um it's not innocent - you're deliberately lying to your boyfriend, and going against his wishes to meet this guy. It's the complete opposite.