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depressing query

  • 24-04-2013 6:32pm
    #1
    makseyupsey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    Going ANON for this for good reason.

    So my wife and I live abroad, but are from the same city. She is estranged from her mother, her father died and her siblings are equally estranged from the mother, but all have a good relationship with each other.

    I was in Europe for a work trip the last couple of weeks, and went back to my hometown to see family/friends for a long weekend, and went out for dinner with my sister in law and her husband, had a great time catching up and wen out for drinks later with my siblings and them.

    We were on the way out of the pub, when suddenly, the sister in law went white and asked if we could walk the other way, so we went down the road and took a bit of a roundabout way to get back to where taxi's usually are.

    The next day, she phoned and asked to meet for coffee - turns out she saw her mother with a shopping trolley and all her belongings in it. They had heard that she was in this state, but it shocked her to see it.

    I went for a walk, and sure enough it was her - i spoke to her, she knew who I was and I got the story. Drink was involved and she lost everything (her husband, a fine man had left her when she chose drink over him - he had never changed his life insurance, and so had ensured that she would be looked after, as well as the kids)

    She pissed it away, and is now on the streets. I told my wife, her attitude is "good enough for her". She was emotionally and physically abusive when they were kids.

    The dilema is, some of the other siblings want to go and talk to her and see if they can help - my wife doesn't. The sister in law asked me if we would be willing to kick in to help her get back on her feet. The good guy in me wants to, but i also need to show some solidarity with my wife. My worry is that if we don't, she could end up losing her siblings love.

    Should I bring it up again with my wife, or let it go and see what happens with the other siblings


Comments

  • #2
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    I think you have to respect your wifes wishes on it. Its her mother.


  • #3
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Your loyalties here should be with your wife. By all means talk to her about the issue if that's what she wants and point out your concerns about her falling out with her siblings. In the end though it's her decision to make and you'd be better off not getting directly involved or going behind her back.


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,505 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I agree with username123, it's her mother and her relationship with her siblings. As an adult it's her choice and you should just do your best to stand by her.


  • #5
    a posse ad esse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 136 ✭✭a posse ad esse


    makseyupsey wrote: »
    Should I bring it up again with my wife, or let it go and see what happens with the other siblings

    Let it go and if the siblings speak to you about it, you need to tell them the truth. Maybe the siblings want to help because they got over the abuse and maybe learned to "forgive". Your wife hasn't and that is her choice. I would not ask her about it anymore. I find it odd that the siblings are speaking with you about this and not her. It's as if they know the answer already and are hoping that you would be able to change her mind? Support your wife whatever her wishes may be.


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