Confused, need advice please!

Ruth.x

Hi All,

I could do with your help on this...

I have a young daughter for my ex boyfriend, we were together for 4 years and have been away from eachother about 2 1/2 years now.

We were childhood sweethearts you could say and we were very naive having our child. Things got all too much so we went out seperate ways.

He is very involved in littles ones life and he is a great father.

I was with a new guy for just over a year and things went very sour, he messed me around and finished things. Thank god he was never involved in my little ones life.

Anyway my ex(childs father) was pretty broken up over us ending, same as myself. This time last year when he was away I text him to tell him I think about us all the time and he said he felt the same. It has taken him a long time to move on and eventually he has. He is now with a new girl. BUT I just don't think she is right for him. The weekend gone I bumped into him on a night out which would never happen, he was there with his friends and his girlfriend was also there but they weren't with eachother majority of the night but I did walk by them on the stairs having a little domestic.

We have have both grown up so much and we really get a long now and have a crazy connection togther. My close friends who would be close to him swear we'll end up together down the line when we both have lived a little bit (we are an item since I was 14).

I just feel right now that I realise I want him and I want our family... What am I meant to do? I can't tell him I know I can't. Do I jsut have to keep my mouth closed on this one and see what the future has in store?

He really does mean everything to me and I don't want anyone else. I feel like we've been through everything together ups and downs..

sffc

OP - if you care about your child leave it . There is a massive risk here , not to you ,not to him -but to your child's well being . You must put your child first and look at where you are now .
Your ex you say is a being good dad and he's with someone new . Fair play to him . Whether his new gf is "right for him" is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. If she was causing him to not see your daughter or neglect her needs fair enough but that isn't the case . In terms of your daughters welfare she is very much right for him . If you say a word against this woman she will see you as a threat (rightly) . Your daughter will most likely suffer and why ? because of your selfishness. Leave them alone ...please .
Concentrate on your daughter and use the time when her dad takes her to concentrate on yourself . The summer is coming and its a great time to do all those things you have been wanting to do . In short you need to move on .

ANXIOUS

I'd say go for it. But do it slowly, and don't tell the child until your a 100% sure itll work as she will only get her hopes up.

Ruth.x

Thanks for your reply Sffc, appreaciate your honesty on it.

As for me putting my daughters welfare first thats a given. I have nothing to say to his new girlfriend nor has she anything to say to me. I know nothing would ever jeopardise my childs relationship with her father, and I would never be immature enough to say anything to her.

I complletley understand how I am already a threat to her and I'd hate her to feel insecure. She's a quiet girl I'd never intimdate her and act like a bully.

I jsut can't stop thinking about him and I know deep down he feels the same too, just little comments here and there..

ANXIOUS do you really think I should? I mean even if he is in a relationship with someone else?

ANXIOUS

Ruth x life is to short. Put your cards on the table, worst that can happen is he doesn't feel the same. You are different people now, no reason it couldn't work.

Forever Hopeful

Op, was he with this new girl when you sent that text? Either way that was a year ago. He knows how you feel and did nothing about it.
Life is short in some respects but its long when you have a child and telling him you think you should be together when he's with someone else could spell disaster for your child, you and him if he says no.
Look it, I know it must be hard but you are very young and you will meet someone else. Leave sleeping dogs lie and trust that if you guys are to end up together, life will work out that way.

Sinall

OP - is it possible that you want him more because you see him with someone else? If he wasn't with her would you feel the same way? Before you act on it you need to be sure that your feelings are real and lasting and not fuelled by a sense of panic because he has a new girlfriend.

Whether she's right for him or not is his business. You've got a good and positive relationship with him the way things are so I'd say hold fire and check out whether these feelings last.

If he doesn't feel the same, or if you say something and then change your mind it could jepoardise your current set-up, which in turn could have a negative impact on your daughter. As Forever Hopeful says, if you are guys are meant to be together it will work out that way.

ShowMeTheCash

This is a very tricky scenario, and I do not know you or your reasons to why you guys broke up in the first place!

But here is the thing... Ideally if you guys got back together as a family life to some degree would be simpler.... However do you love him? I mean really love him? why did you break up?

My sister had a similar situation, her and bf broke up just before my Nephew was born, later when he was like 5 they decided to try again, my Nephew was over the moon!
But it did not work out, the relationship basically went down the same road it did the first time, they broke up which was very difficult for my Nephew...

Also here is the thing, by the looks of things your life took a bit of a wrong turn, you met a guy that was not good for you...

Your ex(father of you child) is dating someone else, I think it would be bad form for you to essentially try and break up that relationship... You might think it is wrong for him but it is not for you to decide.

Here are some scenarios you need to think of! You make your move and are rejected. You make your move and are rejected, your ex's girlfriend finds out and now as issues with you!

If he was single I would say... Maybe give it a go, go slow and remember any decision could impact your child if it does not work out.....

If this girl is not right for him. let him figure it out not you!