Hung up on friend

LegacyUser

Hi all, long story but the situation has been bothering me for a while now.

Basically I've known this guy for less than two years, we see each other most days due to college. When I first met him, things were still a bit messy with his ex and I realised I had feelings towards him. I was unsure about how he felt about me, and also he was still a bit down about his previous relationship, so I didn't act on my feelings in fear of being the rebound.

A few weeks passed, we spent more time together. My feelings for him remained, and I regularly went out of my way to spend time with him. I was still unsure about if he viewed me as a friend or not, so I kept my attempts at "flirting" as regular as I could to see if I got any reciprocation.

About two months after we first met, he dropped the "you're such a good friend" bomb, and started to tell me about girls he caught checking him out. I knew I was knee-deep in the friendzone with no one to blame but myself, so I forced myself to try and get over him.

A few weeks later I realised I wasn't moving on, so I decided to come clean and just lay it all out. So the next time I saw him, I was ready to fess up but sadly he beat me to the punch and gushed all about a new girl he was seeing. I was genuinely happy that he was happy, so I kept quiet.

He was in that relationship for a while and they broke up recently. During that time, I got over him and felt lighter and happier than I had done in a while. Sadly, on a night out about three months ago, I realised I was comparing every guy I saw to him, and that my feelings had returned. Just before his last relationship ended, he became more tactile with me and kept seeking out my company. I put it down to the fact that he wasn't seeing his girlfriend as much, so he was looking for female company. As he was a taken guy, I felt uncomfortable being tactile with him, especially as I had feelings for him.

When the relationship ended, he was obviously down. But since then, he has been telling me all about the hot girls he sees, more so than before. In a group of predominantly guys, I'd be the first (and sometimes only one) to hear all about someone he drunkenly hooked up with, or a hot girl he saw on the bus.

Anyway, the real issue: the other day when we were out with friends, someone joked about us dating since we were both single. Neither of us commented on it and the atmosphere was very awkward. I'm the type of person who won't deny something that's true, so I wasn't going to grimace in disgust at the thought of dating him. I fully expected him to laugh at the concept, but his reaction confused me. I could just be over analysing the whole thing but I can't help feeling that he's trying to get some sort of reaction out of me whenever he brags about girls (it has been excessive lately, he doesn't even mention girls as much to our mutual male friends), and his lack of a sarcastic remark (or response in general) to the concept of us dating really confused me considering his behaviour for the past two years.

Am I just overanalysing everything?? To be honest I think I just need to be told to cop on and get over him.

Doc

You should ask him out.

If you don't feel confident enough to do it to his face send a text.

If you need a way to do it maybe tell him you were thinking about what that friend had said about you two dating and decided that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea.

If you don't ask him you will never know for sure. If he says no then obviously that will be upsetting for you but personally being rejected is something I could get over never trying is something that never could. I could never stop thinking "what if?", it would always be on my mind.

Lorna123

He knows damn well if he has been telling you about other women he is attracted to that that will put you off. Maybe he senses you like him and is trying to put you off. Either way I would not ask him out. Let him ask you out if he is interested in you in that way, but it doesn't sound like it to me. Sorry.

blatantrereg

My opinion is that he's teasing the crap out of you to flatter his own self-image.

Stavro Mueller

To me, his behaviour points very much to a guy who sees you only as a friend. He may have sensed at some stage early on that you had feelings for him and his way of warding you off has been to talk about other girls. I reckon if he wanted you to be his girlfriend he'd have asked you out by now.

daisybelle2008

After two years I wouldn't think all his bragging and gushing about other women is to get a reaction out of you, I'd say it is just the way he is. He sounds a bit full of himself and annoying actually. I kind of agree with the posters who say if something was to happen it would have by now. I think you know that deep down but if it helps you get a conclusion I think you should say it. You can draw a line under it or move off into the sunset together,either way you'll get a result.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, I think I just needed to hear other people's opinions before I began overanalysing everything

daisybelle2008

Saz2 wrote: »

Thanks guys, I think I just needed to hear other people's opinions before I began overanalysing everything

Is he single at the moment? If not definitely leave off saying anything.

CaraMay

Take him at his word op and maybe move on yourself and meet someone who is free to love you back.

LegacyUser

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Is he single at the moment? If not definitely leave off saying anything.

He's single at the moment, has been for a little while. But I don't think I'll say anything unless I absolutely have to.

LegacyUser

hi there, ive been in the same situation and I have to agree with other posters he must sense you like him and if he is talking about other girls its probably to boost his ego and get a reaction from you! I think after this long you would have had a sign or he would have taken some action. But you know him best. Id say back off a bit and go on a few dates, you will soon get a definate answer. best of luck I know its hard.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for the advice. I think things will get a bit easier now, as I'm seeing my friend in a new light now that I don't particularly like (he used to claim to be a good guy, and he acted like one, but now he has become extremely shallow and big headed). I think we'll still be friends, but any chance of us being more is looking more and more unlikely, and I think it's a good thing.

Good luck samesit11 Hopefully your situation will work out better than mine